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Did I do the right thing?

Posted by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 8:53 PM
  • 4 Replies

I got invited by coworkers at the school i work at to go drinking after school for happy hour at 330. Thing is, the job is a commute 30 min for me then I also have to piuck my daughter up from preschool at 3pm. And her school is another hour from my job (30 min from my place) bc of traffic. They're weren't going to get crap-faced, just relax and enjoy each other's company mostly women and they are professional. I dont have a lot of female friends or friends period so i saw this as an opportunity to be social. Anyways, I didnt really make any formal arrangements for chidlcare for my daughtyer with my mom or anything (who lvies nearby) and I have this friend whose daughter and mine are the same age and have known each other sicne theyw ere both 11 mons old. The friend is a single mom and very firm but nice. Shes watched my daughter before and I've watched hers. Anyways she offered to watch her bc I was talking to her and saying how i decided I wished I could go and she offered to watch her, but she was already watching this 1 year-old baby boy who she's a nanny to. They werent home and she was walkiing and we could meet her at this park near her place about 6 blocks from it. Anyways I just felt if I went I would've been too stressed about ehr safety and well-being to go. i know my friend would do a good job watching her and not purposely neglect her but I felt she'd already been at school all day and hadnt seen me all day then I have a second job and have to be there tonight at 6 pm. Also i thought maybe she might get third priority to her child and the child she's actually paid to watch and who's younger than mine and needs more help. I was worried she might get injured or lost at the park and I pictured myself stuck in traffic and backtracking back to the city I work at, a nervous wreck and feeling guilty. I also worried about ehr waliing back to their palce with them in case my friend decided to go back home even though she said she'd stay there til I came back. Then getting lost finding the place and when i got there being late and nervous and everybody picking up on it.

I do have an anxiety disorder so i am always worried about my daughter with even my mom or ehr dad or school. But I feel with my friend I'd be even more worried bc she would be with 3 kids and I felt it would be unfair to my daughter to take her from school to a babysitter again even if it's ehr friend's mom. I also didnt want to rush back to get her then drive home drop her off with ehr dad who gets home at 5pm then go to work afetr that.

Anyways do you think i did the right thing, or that I was worried for nothing and could've gone?

by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 8:53 PM
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by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 8:10 AM
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 Yes, I think you did the right thing. And not because of your anxiety. But because of your common sense.

  It sounded like squeezing too much into too small a time frame, for one. You would have had to jump through a lot of hoops just to get a little time--time that really wouldn't have been enough for you to satisfy your need to socialize more. Not every opportunity to socialize is going to be the optimal one, so don't feel guilty about missing this one. 

 The truth is, until our kids are older, we simply have to be available for emergencies--as you wisely recognized. When my girls were little, my husband and I would never drink alcohol at the same time. If we went out, one or the other would refrain, so one of us would be fully sober if we had to respond to an emergency. Your daughter is still little, so an emergency has a higher chance of happening. When she becomes more independent, whith respect to age and maturity, and you have more secure sitter situations, you might feel differently and be comfortable with more hastily planned situations..

 Really, it was such a hassle to get a good timed day off, line up the trip, to line up a trusted sitter, get all medical release forms notarized, and get my own stuff together--that we rarely went anywhere when they were little. This passes though, as they get older and you have a good knowledge of their behavior . Just hang in there. There will be plenty of time to build more adult relationships in just a few short years.

 If however, in the future your anxiety prevents her from becoming appropriately independent at the right ages and progress for her stages of growth, then you might need to be concerned.

 Right now, though, we are all that is standing between our children and the rest of the world. You have to err on the side of caution. 

by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 8:28 AM

i think you did the right thing. JMO.

by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 8:42 AM

 I think you did what's best for you :)

by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 5:41 PM
I think you did what you were comfortable with as a mother! I also did the same when my kids were small and still don't do much without them.
You'll always have more opportunities as she grows !
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