Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The Park Bench The Park Bench

Should babies just 'cry it out'?

Posted by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 8:06 AM
  • 20 Replies

 

Should babies be allowed to 'cry it out'?

By Amanda Enayati, CNN Contributor
updated 5:35 AM EST, Thu January 24, 2013
When it comes to babies and the science of sleep, the only certainty is that there is no certainty.
When it comes to babies and the science of sleep, the only certainty is that there is no certainty.
STORY HIGHLIGHTS
  • Child sleep training method is subject of passionate opinions and yo-yo research findings
  • Researchers agree parents' well-being is critical to infants' health and development
  • One study finds high levels of cortisol in babies who are left to self-soothe
  • Researchers find no significant differences in children who are 6 years old

Editor's note: CNN contributor Amanda Enayati ponders the theme of seeking serenity: the quest for well-being and life balance in stressful times. Follow her on Twitter or Facebook.

(CNN) -- Hands down, the biggest mom fight I ever witnessed involved two Upper West Side parents debating the pros and cons of the "cry-it-out" sleep method right before a Mommy and Me class.

The young instructor, who appeared ready to cry it out herself, had to break up the fight so she could start class.

Cry-it-out is a sleep training method that advocates letting your baby cry (or the more innocuous-sounding "self-soothe") for varying periods of time before offering comfort. The goal is to get your baby to learn how to fall asleep on her own, so you, too, can rest.

Central to it all is stress and sanity: the baby's, yours and that of everyone with earshot.

The method is the subject of intense debate, passionate opinions and conflicting research findings.

Amanda Enayati
Amanda Enayati
Parenting ad: Baby next to butcher knife
Why co-sleeping can be dangerous

A few weeks ago, the journal Developmental Psychology published a study supporting the notion that a majority of infants over the age of 6 months may best be left to self-soothe and fall back to sleep on their own.

Noting that sleep deprivation can exacerbate maternal depression, Temple University researcher and professor Marsha Weinraub concluded: "Because the mothers in our study described infants with many awakenings per week as creating problems for themselves and other family members, parents might be encouraged to establish more nuanced and carefully targeted routines to help babies with self-soothing and to seek occasional respite."

There is broad agreement that parents' well-being is critical to infants' health and development. Weintraub suggested that the link between infant awakenings and maternal depression would benefit from further research.

Training the brain to stress less

Adequate sleep is, of course, key to parents' stress levels. Loss of sleep has been associated with a dramatically higher risk of depression in mothers and marital problems.

It is how well (or not) the baby fares in the cry-it-out scenario that muddies the waters.

On the pro sleep-training side, an Australian study published in September followed 326 children with parent-reported sleep problems at 7 months. Half the babies were placed in a sleep-training group and the other half in a control group that did not use sleep training.

Five years later, researchers followed up with the now-6-year-old participants and their parents.

The children in the two groups showed very little to no significant differences in terms of emotional health, behavior or sleep problems. Mothers' stress or depression levels were roughly the same, as were the parent-child bonds in both groups.

The researchers found no harm in permitting children to cry for limited periods of time while they learned to sleep on their own.

Directly contradicting this study is research conducted at the University of North Texas that was published in the Early Human Development journal last year. Observing 25 infants aged 4 to 10 months in a five-day inpatient sleep training program, researchers monitored levels of the stress hormone cortisol in the babies, who were left to cry themselves to sleep without being soothed.

The scientists measured how long the infants cried each night before they fell asleep. The mothers sat in the next room and listened to their children cry but were not permitted to go in and soothe their babies.

By the third night, the babies were crying for a shorter period of time and falling asleep faster. However, the cortisol levels measured in their saliva remained high, indicating that the infants were just as "stressed" as if they had remained crying. So while the infants' internal physiological distress levels had not changed, their outward displays of that stress were extinguished by sleep training.

In the mothers, on the other hand, the stress hormone levels fell as the babies appeared -- at least outwardly -- to settle down and sleep.

Is personalized medicine a myth?

The study did not clarify whether the babies' stress levels lowered as their sleep patterns settle over time. The researchers are now studying this issue, among others, in a longer follow-up.

As with most things in life, when it comes to babies and the science of sleep, the only certainty is that there is no certainty. Those of us on the roller coaster of modern parenting are the first to attest to the fact that perfection simply does not exist, especially when you're bleary-eyed and sleep-deprived at 4:15 a.m., with a full workday looming.

Some researchers suggest that parents may gain clarity by working backward from a longer-term goal.

Darcia Narvaez, professor of psychology at the University of Notre Dame, studies moral cognition and development. Her research examines how early life experience may influence brain development, moral functioning and character in children and adults.

Narvaez advocates a more responsive style of parenting that mirrors nurturing ancestral practices, including breastfeeding, frequent touch, soothing babies in distress, outdoor play and a wider community of caregivers.

According to Narvaez, research shows that responsive parenting can help develop infants' self-regulation and may influence conscience, impulse control, empathy, resilience and other character-related attributes.

Narvaez's list is strikingly similar to a set of character traits discussed by journalist Paul Tough in his book, "How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character."

Fighting loneliness and disease with meditation

In the book, Tough examines the skills and traits that lead to success and ultimately advances the hypothesis that character attributes may be more crucial than cognitive skills like IQ and intelligence.

"(I)n the past decade, and especially in the past few years," writes Tough, "a disparate congregation of economists, educators, psychologists, and neuroscientists have begun to produce evidence that ... (w)hat matters most in a child's development ... is not how much information we can stuff into her brain in the first few years.

"What matters, instead, is whether we are able to help her develop a very different set of qualities, a list that includes persistence, self-control, curiosity, conscientiousness, grit and self-confidence."

Can responsive parenting in a child's first year lay the groundwork for better regulation of social and behavioral responses and perhaps even greater life success? Seems like a heavy burden. And one knows for sure -- not even the dueling Upper West Side mothers

by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 8:06 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
IhartU
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 8:08 AM
3 moms liked this

 I'm sorry but I feel like if you really love your baby, you'd never just leave them to cry and scream just so your could 'train' them- that's heartless. I actually view it as emotional and mental abuse.

LoveMyLos
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 8:09 AM

ive had to do it a few times. i didn't like it, but it had to be done. for everyones sanity. 

EireLass
by Silver Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 9:25 AM
2 moms liked this

I've never let them "cry it out". I always picked them up, cuddled, etc....Now at 33 & 30, they are certainly very independant, very well adjusted adults.

Bleacheddecay
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:31 AM

It was the ONLY thing that worked for my oldest. I wanted her to sleep when she was tired but no, she always fought it and neither of us got much sleep until we were both cranky and feeling like we were dying. CIO helped her learn how to sleep on her own. And to this day when she is upset, it's best to leave her to self soothe. She's 22 now! I would have never tried CIO if I hadn't felt like I was too tired to keep living, I'll tell you that. It's counter intuitive to me.

My youngest it didn't work for at all. He would only sleep while touching me or his dad. That's it. So for over two years I learned to sleep when he did.

mjunieb
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 12:05 PM
I did the CIO bit with my oldest, but the rule back then was only 10 min. I spent a lot of time crying myself. With my other 2 I couldn't because big brother wouldn't stand for it. (My mother thought my middle one would have under developed lungs because he never was allowed to cry.) The middle child has the most relaxed personality growing up. Most of the time I would recommend doing it only for a child that you can't soothe or get to sleep any other way.
snuggiewoogie
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 2:08 PM

 Yep sometimes they have to cry it out! Just depends how bad it's going.......

VintageWife
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 9:41 PM

No! No! No! No! No! No!

Lindalou907
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 9:43 PM

Yes, absolutely. Moms need their sleep too! The whole family needs a well rested mother. It only takes a few nights for babies to learn that when mommy puts them down to sleep it's actually bedtime :)

Kris_PBG
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:12 PM
Absolutely not.

I never did that to my children.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
MamaFrankie
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:21 PM

 I heard CIO can cause SIDS

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)