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I need to know what works best for you........

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 I babysit my 3 grandkids in the evenings.  6, 5 and 3.  the 6y/o is fine.. he'll pretty much do anything I ask him to do without a whole lot of problems.  My issues are with the GD whos 5 and the way she is affecting her younger brother (the 3 y/o). 

I have done the time outs over and over again, to no avail.  She gets out of the time out, and goes right back to the negative behavior.  She tells (screams) that she hates me, and anytime I ask her to do something, the response is "NO" or "Never!"  

It's been a while since my kids were raised, and yeah we had our moments, but we were always able to get around them.  This however is throwing me for a loop.  and is making her little brother a brat......

any suggestions?

by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:42 PM
Replies (11-16):
kimbermccub
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:43 AM
1 mom liked this
For me after many children, grandchildren an foster children, I have learned that they are all so different! No two are alike and sometimes, we need to get creative! Lol I had one little girl, who we would put in time out-to no prevail. It would just make her worse! We began to have her count backwards, she was 9, and you should of seen it! She would start out SO angry but as she would count her anger would calm down(she was then focused on counting backwards vs being mad). It really worked! Then we would sit with her and let her vent and vent and vent.....she now has told me she just felt so frustrated because she thought NOBODY was really listening to her! She's now 23....good luck! Oh, and pray alot!
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sweets719
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 11:26 AM

My advice is very similar to this momma's. I have learned over the years (I'm still in the early years!) that each child is different so you really have to learn what works best for them. Not every child will learn the same and not every child can be disciplined the same. For me, prayer was key, I need the Lord's wisdom in order to know what each of my children need. I have learned that my oldest breaks under pressure (example: if I tell him that he will loose his game time if does or doesn't do something, he almost always does the right thing) but this type of discipline doesn't work on my 5 year old. However, I have learned that he doesn't like to be a "bad boy" so I will talk to him and explain that his behavior is the same as a bad boy and explain to him how a good boy acts. I then ask him which one he wants to be and he normally chooses right and corrects his behavior. 

Quoting kimbermccub:

For me after many children, grandchildren an foster children, I have learned that they are all so different! No two are alike and sometimes, we need to get creative! Lol I had one little girl, who we would put in time out-to no prevail. It would just make her worse! We began to have her count backwards, she was 9, and you should of seen it! She would start out SO angry but as she would count her anger would calm down(she was then focused on counting backwards vs being mad). It really worked! Then we would sit with her and let her vent and vent and vent.....she now has told me she just felt so frustrated because she thought NOBODY was really listening to her! She's now 23....good luck! Oh, and pray alot!


nybor48
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 11:49 AM

 I tried the counting thing.. but i had to have her count to 20,   It worked......  1,2,3,4,5,6,7,9,12,...20!  she's not in school yet, and hasn't quite got the whole counting thing down yet.  the next time she started freaking out on me,  i asked her to sing the alphabet.  That she knows, so it worked better.  Thanks for this tip. 

Someone else suggested writing, I think that's the next one. Thank you!

Quoting kimbermccub:

For me after many children, grandchildren an foster children, I have learned that they are all so different! No two are alike and sometimes, we need to get creative! Lol I had one little girl, who we would put in time out-to no prevail. It would just make her worse! We began to have her count backwards, she was 9, and you should of seen it! She would start out SO angry but as she would count her anger would calm down(she was then focused on counting backwards vs being mad). It really worked! Then we would sit with her and let her vent and vent and vent.....she now has told me she just felt so frustrated because she thought NOBODY was really listening to her! She's now 23....good luck! Oh, and pray alot!

 

kimbermccub
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 6:02 AM
Yes writing I have used also. If you don't mind me asking....what seems to be the root of all this discord? If you could possibly find this out-why she is acting out. You may be able to understand and accept then help to find ways for her manage it better. Yes, I do believe that there is more to it than just " oh their just that way" theory. Good luck


Quoting nybor48:

 I tried the counting thing.. but i had to have her count to 20,   It worked......  1,2,3,4,5,6,7,9,12,...20!  she's not in school yet, and hasn't quite got the whole counting thing down yet.  the next time she started freaking out on me,  i asked her to sing the alphabet.  That she knows, so it worked better.  Thanks for this tip. 


Someone else suggested writing, I think that's the next one. Thank you!


Quoting kimbermccub:

For me after many children, grandchildren an foster children, I have learned that they are all so different! No two are alike and sometimes, we need to get creative! Lol I had one little girl, who we would put in time out-to no prevail. It would just make her worse! We began to have her count backwards, she was 9, and you should of seen it! She would start out SO angry but as she would count her anger would calm down(she was then focused on counting backwards vs being mad). It really worked! Then we would sit with her and let her vent and vent and vent.....she now has told me she just felt so frustrated because she thought NOBODY was really listening to her! She's now 23....good luck! Oh, and pray alot!

 


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nybor48
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 11:50 AM

 There could be a number of things that cause her to act this way... Absent daddy (only comes around when it's convienent for him), Mommy working full time and going to school/extern at night M-F, being the only girl, middle child between two boys, possibly ADD, possibly a tad OCD.  But mostly I think it's the absent daddy, when he does come into town it's all play and no discipline.  then when she's back with mom and me it's push push push...

Quoting kimbermccub:

Yes writing I have used also. If you don't mind me asking....what seems to be the root of all this discord? If you could possibly find this out-why she is acting out. You may be able to understand and accept then help to find ways for her manage it better. Yes, I do believe that there is more to it than just " oh their just that way" theory. Good luck


Quoting nybor48:

 I tried the counting thing.. but i had to have her count to 20,   It worked......  1,2,3,4,5,6,7,9,12,...20!  she's not in school yet, and hasn't quite got the whole counting thing down yet.  the next time she started freaking out on me,  i asked her to sing the alphabet.  That she knows, so it worked better.  Thanks for this tip. 


Someone else suggested writing, I think that's the next one. Thank you!


Quoting kimbermccub:

For me after many children, grandchildren an foster children, I have learned that they are all so different! No two are alike and sometimes, we need to get creative! Lol I had one little girl, who we would put in time out-to no prevail. It would just make her worse! We began to have her count backwards, she was 9, and you should of seen it! She would start out SO angry but as she would count her anger would calm down(she was then focused on counting backwards vs being mad). It really worked! Then we would sit with her and let her vent and vent and vent.....she now has told me she just felt so frustrated because she thought NOBODY was really listening to her! She's now 23....good luck! Oh, and pray alot!

 


 

kimbermccub
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 7:32 AM

just keep talking to her...ask her open ended questions. If you think it's the dad factor stay on that line. Like, "what happens if Dad ------------ ? It's more than just a simple yes or no. find what works. talking with them in a car on a longer ride, without anything else to do but talk, is usually priceless! Start out simple.Point out fun things or things of interests for them. You could do this also just taking them for a walk or baking cookies. I had one little girl that loved to talk in the bathroom. So I learned to keep her in the bathroom. I would ask her if she wanted me to fix her hair. Get out the curling iron and hairspray! It is truly just learning your kiddos.... at young ages they don't have the vocabulary or thought process to be able to explain why they do what they do...they just don't. It's up to us as their adutls/guardians/ones who love them and want them to be half way ok, to help find their voice.... Seriously. Good luck.

 

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