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I don't know how to feel better

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 7:33 PM
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So today is my mother's birthday and next week will mark the one year mark of her death. I was totally fine today until my plans with my family got cancelled. We were supposed to get together to celebrate her birthday and her life and now we aren't and I am upset that instead of spending time with family on such an important day then I am at home...doing nothing. So now I am just upset and it brings up more emotions of other things that I am upset about and I just don't know what to do. I seriously can't even decided on what I want to eat. Lately my husband and I have been eating out (or getting food to bring home rather) because I am too lazy to actually cook or we have frozen dinners or pizza and I am so sick of all of it. And seriously...this is just what I eat and I am upset about it. Then I can't help but have these feelings towards my husbnad like my whole world has changed and nothing has changed for him. He knew that I was upset so he offered to drop the baby off at his parents house and then the two of us could go out to dinner. FYI my LO is only 3 weeks old and we have not yet started introducing bottles on the regular. I know that he was trying to help but it upsets me that he just wants to drop our LO off and leave him with his parents. And he jokes around and says it's not like we are leaving them with wolves. I understand that but I feel like he doesn't get that it takes time to transition our LO to be able to have a bottle a couple of times a day and we can't just go out to dinner and leave him with his parents. So then he says that I have seperation anxiety...and you know what I do! I really can't see leaving my baby, even for a few hours to go out to dinner. I don't know how to explain it. I know that he loves our LO and he would never do anything to hurt him but at the same time he doesn't get it. And I don't know how to explain it....I know that we have to get him used to things like taking bottles but I am really trying to wait the full 4 weeks that is recommended. And I have thought about starting this weekend so he can teach my MIL how to pace feed but whenever he suggests it I feel like he is pressuring me. I just don't know what to do because my husband is trying and when he asks what he can do to help me I tell him and he does it. Yet I still don't feel better...and I don't know what will make me feel better. I just don't know what to do anymore.

by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 7:33 PM
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Replies (1-4):
KelliansMom
by Darbie - Head Admin on Sep. 14, 2011 at 7:38 PM
Maybe do a date night in :) after baby is asleep send some te together no tv no movie and just talk play cards enjoy each others company. Be honest and open about you feelings and use this as a compromise.
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Ludvik_Smith
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 9:10 PM

1st of all it is normal to be sad only a year after your mother's death. My dad passed when I was 11 and I'm 27 now and it still upsets me. I don't think it ever goes away.

2nd of all, it is normal to have the feelings you're having about leaving your 3 week old baby with others for even a little while. 3 weeks is pretty young, and you are unsure of things still, that's all normal.

But it is my opinion that you should try really hard not to take out these feelings on your husband because he is the one who you should be able to lean on when you are feeling down. He is the one who is going to help you through the tough times, you're partners, let him help and comfort you. Talk to him about your feelings, he is there for you.

Your LO is still very young, but just remember, your MIL has raised children of her own, even if it was a while ago, she has done it, and she can probably manage and will probably enjoy watching your LO even for a couple of hours.

If/when you go out and leave your LO with someone else for the 1st time, it will feel weird. Let's be honest. You will miss your LO like crazy, but it is good and healthy to have some time to yourself or with hubby.

I'm sorry that you lost your mom, it's not something you'll ever get over, but it does get better, I promise. You just gotta let people help you through it. Good Luck to you :)

katesager
by Katie on Sep. 15, 2011 at 6:15 PM

I can totally relate to being sad about your Mother. I am sorry for you loss.  My mom passed away 4 months ago. Her birthday is coming up next month, and I am not sure how I am going to deal with it. It is a hard thing to even think about. The first year is the hardest. 

It is normal to be feeling all the emotions you are feeling. You just had a baby 3 weeks ago! If you are not ready to leave your baby, don't. You need to do whatever you are comfortable with. If you feel pressured into anything, it is probably not the right time. Just give it all time. I would just talk to your husband and explain everything yo are feeling, and figure out the best way for him to help you.

MomToovey
by Marianne - Admin on Sep. 26, 2011 at 11:37 PM

 I am so sorry for your loss.

Quoting KelliansMom:

Maybe do a date night in :) after baby is asleep send some te together no tv no movie and just talk play cards enjoy each others company. Be honest and open about you feelings and use this as a compromise.

 

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