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Dealing with family members...

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 3:00 PM
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How did you ladies deal with other family members after your baby was born? My parents are literally trying to take over already. My mom has blatantly gone against my wishes and bought things that I have specifically asked her not to. They're demanding to have the baby on certain days regardless of my schedule or my fiance's schedule. Then last night they were asking how my fiance's job search was going and I said we might have to move out of state. (He's a police officer and they're cutting departments all over the place up here. He's been working for a small department, but the pay sucks, so he has to work at a jail too) My mom started freaking out and screaming at me that I can't just take her grandchild away from them. I seriously am at a loss here. I tried being calm and explaining to her that we have to do what's best for our family, but she will not listen. Any advice?

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by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 3:00 PM
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KelliansMom
by Darbie - Head Admin on Nov. 9, 2011 at 3:08 PM

put your foot down and law down the law....thats your child and your family and you have to do what you need to do inroder to take care of them  ..be calm and firm  when doing this the sooner you do it the better 

ellehcimyelhsa
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 3:16 PM

I have told my parents that even though I really appreciate the help and them offering to do so much, that when I say no I mean no. My mom went out and bought her own carseat because she didn't like the one I picked. I'm not really in love with the design either, but I picked it because it has the highest safety rating. I tried to explain it to her, but she doesn't seem to care. I told her that if she continues to ignore my wishes she will not be permitted to watch my baby. And then she just gets mad and starts calling me names and acting like a child herself.

Quoting KelliansMom:

put your foot down and law down the law....thats your child and your family and you have to do what you need to do inroder to take care of them  ..be calm and firm  when doing this the sooner you do it the better 


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KelliansMom
by Darbie - Head Admin on Nov. 9, 2011 at 3:18 PM

its sounds like you might need to seperate yourself form her for a bit ..if she cant be respectfull and act like an adult herself then she doesnt need to be there to stress you out 

Quoting ellehcimyelhsa:

I have told my parents that even though I really appreciate the help and them offering to do so much, that when I say no I mean no. My mom went out and bought her own carseat because she didn't like the one I picked. I'm not really in love with the design either, but I picked it because it has the highest safety rating. I tried to explain it to her, but she doesn't seem to care. I told her that if she continues to ignore my wishes she will not be permitted to watch my baby. And then she just gets mad and starts calling me names and acting like a child herself.

Quoting KelliansMom:

put your foot down and law down the law....thats your child and your family and you have to do what you need to do inroder to take care of them  ..be calm and firm  when doing this the sooner you do it the better 



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GoodyearMama
by New Member on Nov. 9, 2011 at 7:20 PM

I agree on the seperating yourself for a bit.  I would explain to them why you are going to keep your distance & tell them that once they start to respect you as your child's parent then you will incorporate them into your life more. I myself had a couple blow outs with my mom but once I sat down & told both my parents that I'm keeping my distance because of the way they were acting it really helped my situation.  I told them that I felt hurt & angry that they would try to parent my child because that made me feel like they didn't trust me to take care of my own son. After I talked to them about, I didn't speak to them for a whole week! I wanted them to know that I was serious & that they couldn't behavior that way. It really helped me & now when my mom starts to do something that bothers me, I tell her to stop & if she doesn't I simply take my son from her & leave either the room or go home.

ellehcimyelhsa
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 10:07 PM

 I've tried talking to them. I'm hoping after the baby is born that they will see that not only am I compltely capable of raising my child my way but also that I'm not kidding when I say it's my baby, my rules. I have done just fine on my own without them anyway. There was a period a few years ago when I didn't speak to them for about 8 months. When I told them I was pregnant it was only about the second time we had spoken in about 4 months. They didn't want anything to do with me before and now they think that they can just take over.

Quoting GoodyearMama:

I agree on the seperating yourself for a bit.  I would explain to them why you are going to keep your distance & tell them that once they start to respect you as your child's parent then you will incorporate them into your life more. I myself had a couple blow outs with my mom but once I sat down & told both my parents that I'm keeping my distance because of the way they were acting it really helped my situation.  I told them that I felt hurt & angry that they would try to parent my child because that made me feel like they didn't trust me to take care of my own son. After I talked to them about, I didn't speak to them for a whole week! I wanted them to know that I was serious & that they couldn't behavior that way. It really helped me & now when my mom starts to do something that bothers me, I tell her to stop & if she doesn't I simply take my son from her & leave either the room or go home.

 

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mommy_2_be_2010
by Member on Nov. 9, 2011 at 10:13 PM
My mom tried to take over raising my daughter but I moved out back in july my mom wasn't much help either now she's more help because i'm living on my own with my almost two year old.....she used to tell me don't spank her give her here i'll give her a bath ect.....i'm doing fine now....
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ank_mom2be
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 10:55 PM

I'm all for just cutting them out. If you continue to try and explain your wishes to them and they continue to blatantly ignore you and be disrespectful, there's no need to keep them around.

Sorry they're being difficult. Good luck!

Expecting my first little one (a boy!) in March 2012 <3
http://veritas-prevalebit.blogspot.com/


Charmie77
by Member on Nov. 11, 2011 at 8:53 AM
My mom is the same way. She doesn't respect me as izzys mother...so I see her very, very little.

My mom will never treat me like an adult and I've come to accept that
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MomToovey
by Marianne - Admin on Nov. 14, 2011 at 12:32 AM

 I agree with this. I'm sorry you have to go through that, momma. Good luck

Quoting KelliansMom:

its sounds like you might need to seperate yourself form her for a bit ..if she cant be respectfull and act like an adult herself then she doesnt need to be there to stress you out 

Quoting ellehcimyelhsa:

I have told my parents that even though I really appreciate the help and them offering to do so much, that when I say no I mean no. My mom went out and bought her own carseat because she didn't like the one I picked. I'm not really in love with the design either, but I picked it because it has the highest safety rating. I tried to explain it to her, but she doesn't seem to care. I told her that if she continues to ignore my wishes she will not be permitted to watch my baby. And then she just gets mad and starts calling me names and acting like a child herself.

Quoting KelliansMom:

put your foot down and law down the law....thats your child and your family and you have to do what you need to do inroder to take care of them  ..be calm and firm  when doing this the sooner you do it the better 



 




import1a92
by Member on Nov. 19, 2011 at 6:52 PM
I honestly have no choice but to let my father-in-law watch my daughter.
My best advice is to compromise on things that don't have a higher priority. If your parents have toys they purchased for your LO maybe when you visit they can have those select toys only at Grandmas house.

Stick to what works for your schedules. Make suggestions.

My parents live in North Carolina and we live in Chicago. We take turns throughout the year going back and fourth for a week at each others houses. Twice a year we try to pick a different half-way place to vacation and explore. Little suggestions like this helps alot with distances.
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