Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What's your biggest concern about being a parent?

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 5:23 PM
  • 10 Replies
  • 441 Total Views

My most biggest concern is that I will be like my mother.  I love my mother, but I do NOT like her.  This is Why:

-I was blamed for being sexually active since I started my cycle at age 9. And anytime I didn't feel well I was accused of being pregnant

- my mother didn't like the way I washed dishes, so she held my head under running water until she made her point about whatever

- raised in a "Christian" household I got hit with a closed fist if I mentioned the bible whne my mother was upset

- I was acccused of selling drugs and selling my body when my mother found money I had saved

- I got spankings for not killing bugs

- Mother laughed at me when I told her my uncle was touching and kissing me in a sexual manner, and she still made me go to his house after school

- and there are lots other things

  The worst part about all of this, I'd complain and complain and eventually gave up complaining to the system because no one believed me. My mom did foster care, worked for the school system and was in church 3 times a week. Of course they wouldn't believe me.

I really hope that whatever enabled my mom to treat me those ways doesn't come out as I am dealing with different situations with my son/daughter.   I have worked with children all my life, and I've seen me act like my mother only once, I scared myself and immediately changed my approach.  I hope if that ever happens again that I will have the abillty to respond in the same way.

by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 5:23 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
MomToovey
by Marianne - Admin on Feb. 12, 2012 at 9:33 PM
1 mom liked this

 I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I think that would scare me too. Unfortunately, I think we all to some degree turn out to be like our moms, but that doesn't mean you're doomed to make all the same mistakes. You know the kind of reactions you would have appreciated as a child, so just try to react in ways that you wish your mom had, rather than in the ways she did - seems like you're already working on that. You have the power to be the type of mom you want to be, and all you need to do is believe it. LOL, I know I sound like a Disney movie right now, but it's true. Believe in yourself and you'll be great. Doubt yourself and you'll always have regrets. Good luck!

To answer your question though, I think my biggest concern is not being the best I can be. Like, not giving my 100%. I usually am, but I'm always afraid that somewhere down the line, I just won't put my heart into it. I can't imagine it happening, but it's still something I fear.

PZRM
by Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 9:46 PM
Oh my wow... :( I'm soo sorry for your upbringing. It sounds like you are on the right track to being a better mommy though!!

My biggest fear is not being able to save my baby from harm. I would constantly have very vivid imaginary visions of the pair of scissors or the knife i was holding or thinkin about getting just magically imbedding into my daughters head.... :/ Or that she would fall out of bed (i co sleep) and hurt herself badly... ALL THE TIME when she was newborn... :(
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
arj767s
by Ashley on Feb. 12, 2012 at 9:55 PM
I'm sorry you went through that. I think we do turn out like our parents to a degree. However, I find that we steer clear of those attributes that hurt us. I would be careful about being too protective. If I were in your position, I don't know that I'd trust anyone. Maybe that's just how I am though. Someone told me when I was feeling the same way you are that we can't worry about how we will act as a parent in the future because our opinions and experiences will be so different by then that it wouldn't matter how we plan it now. I don't know if that makes sense, but I think you'll do great! Again I'm sorry your mom was like that.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
arj767s
by Ashley on Feb. 12, 2012 at 9:57 PM
I had those visions too. Sometimes I still do. When I'm putting him in his carseat in public, I envision someone mugging me or taking me away and me not being there when he starts crying. I've tried getting in the car to put him in his seat but he just gets pissed off so I have to put him in with my back turned to the public. I have security issues now. I get SO afraid someone is going to kidnap me and leave him there.
Quoting PZRM:

Oh my wow... :( I'm soo sorry for your upbringing. It sounds like you are on the right track to being a better mommy though!!



My biggest fear is not being able to save my baby from harm. I would constantly have very vivid imaginary visions of the pair of scissors or the knife i was holding or thinkin about getting just magically imbedding into my daughters head.... :/ Or that she would fall out of bed (i co sleep) and hurt herself badly... ALL THE TIME when she was newborn... :(
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
PZRM
by Member on Feb. 13, 2012 at 12:32 AM
Really???? I'm not the only one??? omg! ... I mean.. I'm sorry... :( ... lol. I'm just happy I'm not crazy.. or not the only one that's crazy.. Did you have issues with your baby's daddy? I think I JUST figured out why i have those particular scary vision issues. :/


Quoting arj767s:

I had those visions too. Sometimes I still do. When I'm putting him in his carseat in public, I envision someone mugging me or taking me away and me not being there when he starts crying. I've tried getting in the car to put him in his seat but he just gets pissed off so I have to put him in with my back turned to the public. I have security issues now. I get SO afraid someone is going to kidnap me and leave him there.
Quoting PZRM:

Oh my wow... :( I'm soo sorry for your upbringing. It sounds like you are on the right track to being a better mommy though!!



My biggest fear is not being able to save my baby from harm. I would constantly have very vivid imaginary visions of the pair of scissors or the knife i was holding or thinkin about getting just magically imbedding into my daughters head.... :/ Or that she would fall out of bed (i co sleep) and hurt herself badly... ALL THE TIME when she was newborn... :(

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
arj767s
by Ashley on Feb. 13, 2012 at 12:39 AM
When he was first born it started with envisioning falling down the stairs with him, breaking his finger putting him in the carseat, etc. Then DH deployed for a couple of months. That's when the abandonment visions started where I'd see something happen to me then TJ would start crying and I couldn't get to him for whatever reason. When DH got back home, the visions got better. Now I worry about the smaller things like his fingers. However, DH just switched to night shift again and I'm starring to have visions at night so I'm locking my front door a few times. It's frustrating. I'm sorry you go through it too. :(

Quoting PZRM:

Really???? I'm not the only one??? omg! ... I mean.. I'm sorry... :( ... lol. I'm just happy I'm not crazy.. or not the only one that's crazy.. Did you have issues with your baby's daddy? I think I JUST figured out why i have those particular scary vision issues. :/




Quoting arj767s:

I had those visions too. Sometimes I still do. When I'm putting him in his carseat in public, I envision someone mugging me or taking me away and me not being there when he starts crying. I've tried getting in the car to put him in his seat but he just gets pissed off so I have to put him in with my back turned to the public. I have security issues now. I get SO afraid someone is going to kidnap me and leave him there.
Quoting PZRM:

Oh my wow... :( I'm soo sorry for your upbringing. It sounds like you are on the right track to being a better mommy though!!



My biggest fear is not being able to save my baby from harm. I would constantly have very vivid imaginary visions of the pair of scissors or the knife i was holding or thinkin about getting just magically imbedding into my daughters head.... :/ Or that she would fall out of bed (i co sleep) and hurt herself badly... ALL THE TIME when she was newborn... :(

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
PZRM
by Member on Feb. 13, 2012 at 1:14 AM
I feel like we're hijacking this post. lol.. But i like talking to someone else who actually gets it.. pm me?


Quoting arj767s:

When he was first born it started with envisioning falling down the stairs with him, breaking his finger putting him in the carseat, etc. Then DH deployed for a couple of months. That's when the abandonment visions started where I'd see something happen to me then TJ would start crying and I couldn't get to him for whatever reason. When DH got back home, the visions got better. Now I worry about the smaller things like his fingers. However, DH just switched to night shift again and I'm starring to have visions at night so I'm locking my front door a few times. It's frustrating. I'm sorry you go through it too. :(



Quoting PZRM:

Really???? I'm not the only one??? omg! ... I mean.. I'm sorry... :( ... lol. I'm just happy I'm not crazy.. or not the only one that's crazy.. Did you have issues with your baby's daddy? I think I JUST figured out why i have those particular scary vision issues. :/






Quoting arj767s:

I had those visions too. Sometimes I still do. When I'm putting him in his carseat in public, I envision someone mugging me or taking me away and me not being there when he starts crying. I've tried getting in the car to put him in his seat but he just gets pissed off so I have to put him in with my back turned to the public. I have security issues now. I get SO afraid someone is going to kidnap me and leave him there.
Quoting PZRM:

Oh my wow... :( I'm soo sorry for your upbringing. It sounds like you are on the right track to being a better mommy though!!



My biggest fear is not being able to save my baby from harm. I would constantly have very vivid imaginary visions of the pair of scissors or the knife i was holding or thinkin about getting just magically imbedding into my daughters head.... :/ Or that she would fall out of bed (i co sleep) and hurt herself badly... ALL THE TIME when she was newborn... :(


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Soundsoul85
by New Member on Feb. 13, 2012 at 7:17 AM

lol, no need to feel like you're "hijacking" the post. I was just saying what was on my mind and was wondering if other people had silly concerns about parenting. I'm not officially a parent yet, but expecting in July. And of all the things I could be worried about, that's my main concern.  But from reading responses, it seems as if my concerns may change once the baby arrives.

Quoting PZRM:

I feel like we're hijacking this post. lol.. But i like talking to someone else who actually gets it.. pm me?


Quoting arj767s:

When he was first born it started with envisioning falling down the stairs with him, breaking his finger putting him in the carseat, etc. Then DH deployed for a couple of months. That's when the abandonment visions started where I'd see something happen to me then TJ would start crying and I couldn't get to him for whatever reason. When DH got back home, the visions got better. Now I worry about the smaller things like his fingers. However, DH just switched to night shift again and I'm starring to have visions at night so I'm locking my front door a few times. It's frustrating. I'm sorry you go through it too. :(



Quoting PZRM:

Really???? I'm not the only one??? omg! ... I mean.. I'm sorry... :( ... lol. I'm just happy I'm not crazy.. or not the only one that's crazy.. Did you have issues with your baby's daddy? I think I JUST figured out why i have those particular scary vision issues. :/






Quoting arj767s:

I had those visions too. Sometimes I still do. When I'm putting him in his carseat in public, I envision someone mugging me or taking me away and me not being there when he starts crying. I've tried getting in the car to put him in his seat but he just gets pissed off so I have to put him in with my back turned to the public. I have security issues now. I get SO afraid someone is going to kidnap me and leave him there.
Quoting PZRM:

Oh my wow... :( I'm soo sorry for your upbringing. It sounds like you are on the right track to being a better mommy though!!



My biggest fear is not being able to save my baby from harm. I would constantly have very vivid imaginary visions of the pair of scissors or the knife i was holding or thinkin about getting just magically imbedding into my daughters head.... :/ Or that she would fall out of bed (i co sleep) and hurt herself badly... ALL THE TIME when she was newborn... :(



Ludvik_Smith
by on Feb. 13, 2012 at 8:05 AM
1 mom liked this

I think we are supposed to learn from the mistakes of our parents so that we can become better parents to our children.

What I have learned from my mother is to never ever make my child feel like she was a mistake, or is unwanted, or has "messed up my life" in some way. To this day my mom still blames my siblings and I for mistakes she has made, and she has never admitted to any wrongdoing. I will never do that to my children.

I guess my biggest concern about being a parent is wondering whether or not I'll be successful at raising a well-rounded, honest, caring and happy child. When it is time for her to go out into the world on her own, I hope that I have done a good enough job that she feels she can come to me with any problems and that she feels strong enough to take on the world with confidence. 

PZRM
by Member on Feb. 13, 2012 at 10:54 AM
1 mom liked this
Lol. Yeah.. Once baby gets here things change. :) I wasn't scared of anything really when I was pregnant. Then I had my baby.. lol. I'm not super scared of everything now, just the few things like scary active imagination. :( But I've come to accept it as I only worry cuz I love her so much and that makes me a good mom :)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)