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Having a hard time

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:04 AM
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Ever since I became a mom I've been extra hard on myself. My baby is almost 3 months and not really on any kind of nap or feeding schedule. She won't stay asleep in her crib so she sleeps in her rock n sleeper next to my bed. She outgrew her bassinet so quickly. She happy and healthy but sometimes I feel like a bad parent when she won't nap or when she won't stop crying. I just wish parenting came with a manual. I keep telling myself that every kid is different so just bec my friends baby had a routine at one month doesn't mean that my baby has to have one too. The only time she naps is in her swing, after she nurses or in the car. Sometimes she just falls asleep because she's overtired. She only sleeps in her crib for less than an hour but usually when I lay her down she wakes up crying soon after. I think I just had the idea that mommy hood would be easier but it's so not. I'm the only one who is hard on myself. My hubby always says that I'm doing great. Just needed to vent.
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by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:04 AM
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Replies (1-7):
angelbab24
by New Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 5:16 AM
My dd (2 1/2 months old) won't sleep in her rock and play anymore :( for the last 2 weeks I've been sleeping on the couch in the living room while she sleeps in her swing - she also wont sleep in the crib. She also only takes 10-30 minute cat naps during the day too.
Parenting is a rough job and a huge adjustment. Don't be tough on yourself! If your feeling sad just snuggle up to your beautiful baby and know that she'll outgrow this phase eventually. I was being hard on myself too but I was crying all the time thinking I was a horrible mom and constantly stressing. I couldn't take it anymore and finally spoke to my doctor who put me on medicine for postpartum dep. and it's helped me tremendously! Not saying you have that but I did and I know how overwhelming things can get. Hang in there momma!
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KelliansMom
by Darbie - Head Admin on Oct. 9, 2012 at 6:21 AM
As new moms we all are a little critical of ourselves. There is a way you expect things to go but in parenthood it never goes that way. My son never has a eating or sleeping schedule at the start. That didn't come till after six months. He also wasn't a fan if his crib most days. He only liked it if it smelled like our bed. Don't be so hard on your self. Follow your babies needs and things will get easier :).
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arj767s
by Ashley on Oct. 9, 2012 at 7:33 AM
This exactly. If baby is happy, you're doing great (crying doesn't mean she's unhappy). It is really hard in the beginning but it gets easier.

Quoting KelliansMom:

As new moms we all are a little critical of ourselves. There is a way you expect things to go but in parenthood it never goes that way. My son never has a eating or sleeping schedule at the start. That didn't come till after six months. He also wasn't a fan if his crib most days. He only liked it if it smelled like our bed. Don't be so hard on your self. Follow your babies needs and things will get easier :).
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jobberwocky
by Chrissy - Admin on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:42 AM
You are doing just fine momma. Being a new mom is scary! My son didn't sleep without being in my arms for 3 months. I wore him almost all day in a moby. He ended up sleeping in our bed in my arms. Around : months I was able to start putting him down for his naps. They wouldn't last very long in the beginning but gradually got better.
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Ludvik_Smith
by Jessica on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:49 AM

Aww mama, don't be hard on yourself. Being a new mom is hard for everyone, I don't care what they say! We all have rough, sleepless nights, we all have tons of questions and worries, and no matter what anyone says, none of us really know what we're doing ;)

The most important thing I've learned from becoming mother is that you kind of have to be flexible. ESPECIALLY when baby is so young, like yours. It's good to try to set up a routine, but you can't expect to follow it day in and day out. Babies just don't work that way, and it's okay! You're not doing any permanent damage to your baby just because she won't sleep in her crib, or because she doesn't nap consistently.

And believe me, once you get on a routine, you'll have to change it again to fit baby's wants and needs...babies are constantly changing, going through phases, and as mothers we need to adjust--adjust or face years of unnecessary stress and confusion.

Before you know it your little one will be 2 years old (like mine) and you'll long for the days when you can just hold her. Suddenly, sleeping in her own crib through the night won't seem like such a big deal--you'll ask yourself, why didn't I just hold her all night long? because you'll miss that.

And even having been a mother for 2 years now, I'm still learning, and I suspect I'll still be learning 16 years from now.

What you're feeling is total normal. Don't compare yourself to anyone. It's just you, your husband and your baby. That's what's important, and you're doing just fine :)

cabrandy03
by Brandy - Admin on Oct. 9, 2012 at 12:21 PM

Your doing great!  My daughter is almost 2 and has never been on any kind of sleeping or eating schedule.  If you give it some time she'll develop her own schedule that will change with her ever changing needs, which is way easier and less stressful then trying to force any sort of schedule.  And don't feel bad about her napping in her swing, my daughter always has and still does nap on my lap.  We all do what works best for our own families and our babies individual needs, don't let what others do effect your confidence!

MomToovey
by Marianne - Owner on Oct. 10, 2012 at 8:59 AM
Your husband is right! At 3 months, you shouldn't really be thinking about a schedule. That'll come later. Right now it's all about meeting baby's needs when baby needs them!
If you're wooried about nap time, go ahead and put her in the swing, and don't be afraid to let her nap after nursing or in the car. Nothing wrong with that. I'm also a firm believer that at that age, the fact that baby sleeps is more important than where she sleeps. So when it's night time, put her to "bed" where she sleeps best! If that's in her swing, your arms, or anywhere else, just do what you can.
You're right, it is hard. And we do tend to be our own worst enemies, but remember that by caring so much how you do, you're only furthering the point that you ARE a good mom! It's if you didn't care that would say otherwise!
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