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no sex, just baby. trapped in momma mode.

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:00 PM
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SO I guess since emilie was born(11/14/11) i've kinda thrown myself into "momma" mode , I used to be a well rounded person and my husband is feeling left out. he says that i snap at him when ever he brings up spending time without the baby and i always talk to him like i hate him when he brings up sex. which is kinda true but i dont do it on purpose I just dont feel like sex is important or needed /wanted anymore. i used to be very active in that area before having a baby but now its the complete opposite and this may be tmi but it hurts now even the foreplay part. ive seen my doctor and she says that theres nothing wrong with me down there and i shouldnt feel pain she thinks its post postpartum depression.. and that the pain isnt really there but my brain made it up as an excuse to not have sex (which is weird) and she said its common in lik 10% of women after having their first child. well has anyone else ever gone through this? and how (if you did) did you cure yourself? i went through therapy for 8 weeks after emilie was born for Postpartum and well the therpisit said I didnt need to see her cause I was fine. I don't want to feel like this towards my husband i miss him and i love being with him but no matter how much i fake it  I cant stop being mean to him, its like i make the tiniest thing into a reason to be mad at him  and . I mean I like having breaks from her once in a while but its just to have some alone time with myself I have been acting as if my hubby isnt even there or getting shitty with him for no reason . not on purpose and no matter how hard i try to control it i cant help it. has anyone else ever gone through this? am i totally alone in this?

by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:00 PM
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by Brandy - Group Owner on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:18 PM
1 mom liked this

Sex was painful for me for a good 7 or 8 months after dd was born.  I also went to my OB who said everything looked fine, but I don't believe for a second that the pain was in my head.  I also lost my sex drive for a long time after dd was born.  Really what ended up working was I just started giving in almost everytime dh wanted it and after a short while I started enjoying it again.  Finally after 2.5 years my sex drive is getting back to where it used to be. 

by Marianne - Admin on Jun. 17, 2013 at 2:43 PM

 I didn't have to deal with sex being painful after having my daughter, but I do know many have. I've heard a lot about lube being a big help in that department.

I did, however, have to deal with the complete loss of sex drive. After a while of shooting him down every single time, I started to feel really bad for him. So I made the decision never to say no. No matter how badly I didn't want to do it, I always said yes. And as it turns out, the more we did it, the more I enjoyed it. The more I enjoyed it, the more I wanted it! I'm now insatiable! LOL.

And just an aside - you don't need to leave baby in order to get alone time with him. My DH and I have at least 1 date night at home each week. After DD goes to bed, the night is ours to do what we want! I know at this point it may feel like nothing but baby matters, but you'll soon realize how important your relationship with him really is, *especially* now that you have a baby. Take some time each day to reconnect with him, even if it's only for 10 minutes. I promise, you'll both feel much better afterwards! And the more you do it, the more you'll want to spend time with him and the easier it'll be to make that time. :)

Good luck!

by Bronze Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:53 PM

 Totally normal!!! It gets easier. I know it's hard but it is very important for your marriage to set aside this time with your husband. The thing that made it SO much easier after my last was coconut oil as lube. I think it has healing properties too so double win!

As for dates without baby, I have a hard time with that... I just bring baby with to restaurants. This is the season of life we are in and time with just the baby and my husband is kind of nice :)

by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 9:02 AM

I dont even like sex anymore.Its more of a chore.

by Chrissy - Admin on Jun. 18, 2013 at 11:44 AM
You sound so much like me! My son is 18 months and i can count on two hands how many times we've had sex since he was born. I'm just not interested in it. I did deal with ppd but the meds didn't help with the lack of desire for sex. DH makes comments about how I act like sex is a chore and I told him that's exactly what it is.

My son is just starting to sleep though the night. I also just went off my birth control to see if that would help. It's only been 2 weeks since I went off my birth control but I'm starting to feel some of that desire come back.
by Bronze Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 8:55 PM

 It was painful for many months after birth. I decided to just say yes to him, no matter that I wasn't interested, and decided this was a gift of myself that I would give him. Then little by little it became better and better, until my interest came back. I don't believe any of it was mental, but was truly physical.  Lubrication helps a lot.

by Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 9:00 PM

after i had my first, (and she was smaller than my second too, and i bounced right back to wanting sex after having him!) it hurt for a really long time. i did go through stages also, where i didn't want to do ANything with my SO. but men are hardwired to need the physical to feel loved, where we aren't.. i invested in lube. astroglide is what i used. it really works.

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