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Hi.. Have important question for the single mom/soon to be moms

Posted by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 7:52 PM
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Hello. Im Lauren. First time soon to be mother of a little girl. Im due 1/27/14. She is my everything already. But I have a problem. The father of my baby is a 21 year old kid who is making my life a living hell. He is a very angry person. I do not trust him with my child. Me and him both had a past of dealing with drugs. Of course I stopped living the high life when I got preg. He has not. I had to deal with withdraws and alot of hospital sleep overs but I made sure to put all of that behide me to become the best mother for my child. My doctors know my history I told them the truth and I did everything they told me to do to help me get over my drug problem. I have been clean for a long while and very happy with myself I won that war. I look at my unborn baby as she saved my life. But he has not changed one bit. He has not been around at all for my pregnancy. I have to beg him to hear details about his daughter. I have done everything for her. She already has everything a baby needs. Every dime I make and all my time goes into getting ready for this baby. He wants a D.N.A test and that is fine. But the problem I have is that I dont want him near my child at all. I dont want a D.N.A test because I dont want him to have any rights to her. His family is very dirty. They believe in things I dont want her around. They are hitler wannabes. Very evil dirty people That downgrades color people and anybody who is not like them. My question for the moms out here is can he make me do a D.N.A test even if a deney him as her father and ask no child care from him? Or how can I make him stay away? But I also dont wanna live with the regret of keeping her daddy away. I dont agree with mothers who do that because they get mad at the daddy's but I dont want her to be around that type of living or anger. He is also making me look like the bad one. Saying crazy rumors but as I said he is a kid himself. I think he does that to make his self feel better that he has not been around or check up on her. I do love him and all I ever wanted was for my baby to have her family But She comes first and if being away from him will make her have a better life thats what ill do. So please if there is anything I need to know please tell me what I should do. Thank you for taking the time out to read.

by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 7:52 PM
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Replies (1-8):
mommyneedssleep
by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 8:04 PM
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Not to do this to be mean, but don't put him on the birth certificate. If he wants anything he can file with the courts for DNA ect. Your not bein a bad mom by keeping her away from a drug user! Congrats by the way for thinking of your daughter and getting clean.
When/ If he does file with the courts request he be randomly drug tested and clean before any visits unsupervised begin. My sons dad is a drug user and has been in prison for awhile now! The courts, as long as you go in a voice your concerns without being rude about it will take it all into consideration for your daughter!
sara_7106
by Bronze Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 8:54 PM
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This sounds like good advice! Congrats on getting clean and stepping up for your daughter!


Quoting mommyneedssleep:

Not to do this to be mean, but don't put him on the birth certificate. If he wants anything he can file with the courts for DNA ect. Your not bein a bad mom by keeping her away from a drug user! Congrats by the way for thinking of your daughter and getting clean.

When/ If he does file with the courts request he be randomly drug tested and clean before any visits unsupervised begin. My sons dad is a drug user and has been in prison for awhile now! The courts, as long as you go in a voice your concerns without being rude about it will take it all into consideration for your daughter!

Ambear72
by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 9:22 PM
1 mom liked this

 I agree with a PP dont put him on the Birth Cert.  I would also keep track of anything he says to you, does, or anything like that.  WRITE IT DOWN!!  Its so important when it comes down to court.  You can show that he is an unfit parent.  Just stay away from him. You said you have to try hard to get him to listen to you anyway.  So just ignore him.  Dont call him with baby news, or anything to do with you. IF he calls write it down and if he asks about why you havent said anything to him tell him you didnt think he was interested in her.  HE can request a DNA test and you have to take her to get it.  But make sure HE asks the courts and insist that he pays for it.  With any luck he wont be involved in her life, and you wont regret it.  My 18 yr old has a different bio dad, but my husband has raised him, his bio dad didnt really do much in his life.  He would go visit his grandma and he would see him then but only sometimes.  Dont talk bad about him in front of your little girl, just tell her the age appropriate truth.  Dont make it sound like he didnt want her.  Tell her he just wasnt ready to be a daddy becuase he made bad decisions in his life.  Good Luck to you and congrats on getting and staying Clean!!  I know its not easy.

SarahSuzyQ
by Sarah on Nov. 19, 2013 at 9:50 AM
1 mom liked this

I really want to commend you for taking a lot of hard steps to turn your life around for the sake of your baby. It is so difficult to do that, and your baby already has everything she needs because she has a mommy who is willing to put her needs first.

As far as your ex, it just doesn't sound like you need to get a DNA test done. If you are not planning to file for child support and he doesn't want any visitation, then I don't think it would be worth pursuing... It might cause more trouble than it's worth. That said, he can file for shared custody or rights and ask for a paternity test on his end of things, too. Maybe you should try and speak with a lawyer about how to gain sole custody of your daughter legally? That way you wouldn't have to worry about his family trying to come back in and get involved in custody down the road...? I would look into contacting legal aid in your area. You still have a couple of months to work this all out, but I would strongly advise you to do what you can by legal means as opposed to less official means like the BC, talking with his family, etc.

Heather2001
by Bronze Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 10:32 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree with the PPs, just omit him from the birth certificate and make him do the work if he even cares.  You may find that he doesn't care enough to pursue it.  Good luck!

cabrandy03
by Brandy - Admin on Nov. 19, 2013 at 1:02 PM
1 mom liked this

First off I just want to tell you that your awesome for getting clean for your baby, that's the best gift you could ever give her.  My husband and I are both recovered addicts so I know it can be hard.  I think it's very reasonable that you don't want this guy or his family around your baby.  Since baby isn't born yet and he's had very little involvement with your pregnancy just don't call him when you go into labor and don't put his name on the birth certificate.  That basically takes away all his rights straight from the beginning because if he wants any rights he'll have to go through the courts and pay for the paternity test himself.  I'd also keep record of everything.  Every time he does something out of line, write it down, document everything.  Then if he ever does try to get custody you have lots of evidence showing him to be an unfit parent.

MomToovey
by Marianne - Owner on Nov. 19, 2013 at 4:11 PM
1 mom liked this

 I agree with everyone else. Congrats on getting clean and putting your daughter first! That's amazing! You should be very proud! And one day, your daughter will be too! :)

I don't know much about whether or not you can just leave him off the birth certificate, but if that's legit, I agree that you should go for it. Also, document EVERYTHING. Everything he and his family does and/or says to you, everything they DON'T do/say to you, and everything in between. The more records you have to prove the negative effects they'd have on your daughter, the better. If he does try to fight you for her, you'll have everything you need to be sure that doesn't happen.

Auubreysmommy
by New Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 9:35 PM

Thx so much for the advise. You moms are AWESOME!!!

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