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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

what can i do?

Posted by on Nov. 15, 2010 at 5:33 PM
  • 9 Replies

what can i do to have my hubby be more of a listener and not walk away from me when something is said he dont like? and to not ignore me ? these are the only issues we have sometimes he just dont listen or he dont like what i say he ignores me it hurts so bad

by on Nov. 15, 2010 at 5:33 PM
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Replies (1-9):
KatieJo81
by on Nov. 15, 2010 at 8:42 PM
1 mom liked this

At a time when you both are calm, ask him why he walks away or ignores you. Try to be non judgmental and try not to take it personally. There could be a multitude of reasons why he's acting this way. Communicating with him about how you feel when he does it, coming up with a plan to help him be aware of it happening (if he's unaware of how what he's doing is affecting you) will make it easier to stop the behavior quickly. Remember though, there are some men who just have a hard time communicating. Hopefully he's not one of them.

With my ex husband, I would walk away to keep from saying something I would regret later. We had a very unhealthy marriage. Its one of the things that is wonderful about my current husband because he's the opposite of my ex. We communicate about everything and hardly ever have any type of argument. And when we do, talking about it with a calm, level head always helps us understand each other's points of view (even if we don't agree with each others POV) and are able to work through it, working together.

I wish you the best of luckfingers crossed

sheashalawson24
by on Nov. 15, 2010 at 11:04 PM

thanks much that helps and i will definately try to let him cool down and ask him later bout things he is really a sweet heart leaves me notes places and cares just not great listener when he dont like something said or the subject sometimes. thanks much

kybella
by on Nov. 16, 2010 at 8:18 AM

 Communicating with another person is never an easy task.  I feel your pain.  My suggestion is to talk to him and use a language that is not accusatory.  You know alot of "I feel like this when..."  "I ....".  try if possible to stay away from the "you...." especially if he already walks away when he hears something he doesn't like.  Also, think about what you're doing during these times when he walks away.  Not saying you're doing anything wrong, but it's hard to see something you're doing until it's pointed out.  Does that make sense?  I've had to do some self evaluation at times it's hard, but necessary.  Hope this rambling helps!  Keep us posted! 

sheashalawson24
by on Nov. 16, 2010 at 2:00 PM

thanks,  so i talked to him last night i said honey can we talk i am not pointing fingers but some things are bothering me and if you could answer them that would be cool.

i asked him if when something goes wrong or is said that he dont like if he could try to be more open to listen and i will do the same and we can try to talk from there with out anger and or walking away and no ignoring he said that  he is willing to try to so we will see last night was a good step he listened we talked and there was no walking away or ignoring so thanks i will always try to approach it in a better manner or a different way or just be like can we talk

 

orange4agua72
by on Nov. 16, 2010 at 3:06 PM

 I always find if you build him up first and then try to come to him with something it doesn't seem like such a BLOW to his ego because he feels good about himself and feels like you are just comming out of love instead of anger toward him. Like sort of butter him up a bit first, hehehe

sheashalawson24
by on Nov. 16, 2010 at 3:29 PM

its like bribing kids lol

ShannaBee
by Platinum Member on Nov. 16, 2010 at 3:32 PM

 I have gotten into writing my husband notes when I'm upset at him and letting him read it later.

Also when we talk I try not to come at him like I'm nagging. The less a man feels like he's being attacked, the better a listener he will be. I also include a few positive things about him when I'm telling him a list of his negatives.

cali_gurl
by Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 1:22 AM

A lot of the time it is the way someone says something, not just what they say that rubs someone the wrong way. Try talking calmly and not sounding like you are angry or accusing him of something. Also don't whine. Just be matter of fact about it and try not to be too emotional. All that helps me communicate with my husband. :)

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Sep. 23, 2013 at 9:02 AM

My husband cannot handle it when I'm unhappy. Even if it has nothing to do with him, he takes it as a personal affront. He gets really angry and upset, he won't listen to me and takes it personally. I got really upset about that a month ago, while we were moving and got stuck in a really bad situation. I was stressed out and just generally bothered and pissed off, and he got mad at me for doing so. I countered, as calmly as I could, that I am allowed to be human, have feelings, and get annoyed and pissed off too. His answer, "No you aren't." Seriously, he said that. He explained that I'm supposed to be the rock, I'm the Mom. I'm supposed to always be loving, and have infinite patience because if I fall apart the whole family falls apart. I told him where he could shove that idea of his. Didn't go over too well, lmao, it was a bad two weeks of packing, moving, and unpacking.

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