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i need some advice

Posted by on Nov. 16, 2010 at 3:09 PM
  • 12 Replies

about a year ago i started dating the guy im with now.. we've known each other for 16 years.. so i thought i could trust him because of our history together.. well a few nights ago he's sitting next to me pretty much begging to have a threesome with this girl that he works with.. and i couldnt believe it. i couldnt understand why he would keep pushing for it after i said no.. why he wanted to have sex with this girl soo badly.. when just a few days before that he had told me that shes just kinda cute and she smokes (he doesnt like smokers) and that it disgustes him how many guys shes slept with... but now all of a sudden he wants her.. i dont get it.. i get mad at him for asking and then as he starts to walk away he tells me he has her number.. i completely flip out because he shouldnt have a number of a girl he wants to sleep with while he's dating someone else.. idc if he claims they have been friends for a while or not.. he shouldnt have it.. so he deletes it and then about an hour later comes and tells me he was wrong and that he's sorry.. and 2 days ago while i was sitting next to him she calls and he has her number saved again!!! i go really pissed off.. i couldnt believe he would put it back in his phone after he new how i felt about that.. but this time he refuses to delete it just kept saying shes just a friend.. i told him i cant trust him now.. because he kept that from me.. how am i supposed to believe him when he says he isnt keeping anything else from me.. he hurt me by doing this and he doesnt understand it.. he doesnt get how that could hurt its just a number he says.. well if its just a number and its not important then delete it!! still a no.. i dont see why if he's known her for a couple of years why now does he need her number.. he tells me that they text at work.. well hes not even suppose to have his phone out when hes working.. but they bs with each other all day through text.. but when i text him he doesnt respond and gives me excuses like i cant just pull my phone out while im working whenever you text me.. wtf!!! but you can text her!!! you have to be fricken kidding me! then he told me that they went to lunch together just the two of them.. but tells me if i did that with my guy friends it would be a date! he says its different because they work together.. but i think its the same thing... i feel like im losing him to this girl. and i dont know what to do.. i already do everything for him.. he gets sex whenever he wants it even when im already passed out.. he wakes me up for it.. and i just let him.. i do his laundry i put his work clothes out for him.. i try to make life easy for him because of all the "overtime" hes been working.. if thats whats really going on.. well according to the pay checks it is.. but still.. i am having a hard time believing him when he tells me he has to work late.. just to get this project done.. (he works union btw as a pipefitter) i want to be with him.. its all ive ever wanted since we met.. and he says he loves me.. but usually when we fight he tells me he loves me and convinces me everything will be alright.. he hasnt done this once.. he didnt even feel like he needed to say he was sorry for keeping the fact that he put her number back in his phone even though he knew i would feel the same way and react the same way..

i just dont know what to do.. how do i move on from this? how can i trust that he's not hiding something else from me?

by on Nov. 16, 2010 at 3:09 PM
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by on Nov. 16, 2010 at 3:14 PM

 It would take me a while to trust after something like that. ESPECIALLY because he was OBVIUSLY sexually interested in her... BIG HUGS mama, I'd just make him choose her or me, it's OBVIOUS the conversation between the two of them has gone BEYOND the "freinds" talk, and that's UNACCEPTABLE in my book! I'd probably give him an ultimadum and be ready to accept what he chooses! Either STOp talking to her because it's DISRESPECTFUL to YOU or leave! BIG HUGS, I'm sorry I wasn't much help, but it sounds like he's being SO disrespectful to you!!!!

by Member on Nov. 16, 2010 at 3:16 PM

Oh hunny I don't know. I have never been any any situation remotely similar but I know how I am and I have a feeling I would never get past it.  I would always worry and wonder what he is doing with her and wonder what else he might hide from me. I don't know what to tell you. I think you just might have to go with your heart or gut feeling on this one. Good luck

by on Nov. 16, 2010 at 3:43 PM

I think you two need to sit down and talk about what the two of you want out of a relationship and how you see your future.

If he wants an open relationship or a threesome although you want to be mutually exclusive and you are uncomfortable with a third party, this relationship is not for you. The two of you should be on the same page of what you want in a relationship and a partner. Also, if you have future plans, for example school or career wise, he should be supportive.

Hope all works out for you.

by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 9:53 PM
He cant be trusted if he honestly loved you he wouldnt want to be with anyone else sorry it is hurtful i know but really you should just move on :(
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:54 PM
This happened to me once, not the threesome suggestion, but the we are just friends who hang out crap, four months later I found out that he had been sleeping with her the whole time and all of our mutual friends were helping them hide it, he left me for her. That's just my experience though, but since sex seems to be a conversation piece between them I cannot see this ending well for you. <3
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:17 PM

ya the fact that he is doing all this stuff behind your back an refusing to get rid of the number is shady, i say something is up or fixing to be, its a matter of time before this gets inappropriate. 

he should respect you enough to leave her alone or at least not hide it from the begining, 

an yes if he is able to text her then why not you


sorry girl

by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:29 PM

you can't trust him. not anymore. after trying to push a threesome on you with this girl that he is obviously interested in and then saves her number to his phone and refuses to respect your feelings. i think it's time to move on before you really do get hurt. He's obviously already moved on. I don't understand men who beg to stay with one woman and pursue another. 

by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:04 AM

You need to ask yourself, Can you really trust him? Go with your gut. If you can't, then what do you have in your relationship without trust? It will get easier if you choose to leave him. But if you can work things out and make him realize that he is hurting you, I would try to work it out. We all make mistake, and yes some that are really stupid. I wish you luck.

by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:41 AM

This doesn't sound good to me. I think he is cheating. I know it hurts, but stay strong and don't put up with this.

by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:56 AM
Not a good situation he is placing himself into. Flirting with temptation is never a good thing.

Big hug I wish I had some good advice for you but that jelouse evil wife side of me is just popping through lol

I say make him choose between you and her. If he picks her cut your losses and find yourself a real man who won't want to screw around with another woman.

I don't swing or sway or share my man I think it leads to many many problems.

Good luck I hope you can find some good advice :)
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