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i dont understand

Posted by on Nov. 18, 2010 at 6:17 PM
  • 10 Replies

ok so me and my husband have been together since i was 16 and he was 18 we got together 03,26,07 the day after i turned 16,found out on mothers day i was 5 weeks preg!got married on 10,31,07 had our first daughter 01,10,08! so we just had our second daughter 10,22,10 well a few days before i went into labor he started acting funny,wouldnt talk to me much and didnt want to spend time with me,so i went to the hospital by myself,he showed up 30mins before she was born!stayed there the whole day went home that night,never came back so when i went home he told me he was done he couldnt do it any more! :( he moved out,the day before he moved out he said we where still together but we need some space,that it has been almost 4 yrs he didnt want to give up!but that he didnt know what he wanted and that stuff needed to change and us having time apart was the other thing we hadnt tryed to fix things!so he wont stay the night,his place is in no way ready for me and the kids to stay the night there and he hates talking on the phone so we talk for like 10 mins and then listen to each other breath.he lives 45 mins away so i only get to see him for an hour before he has clinical cause there 10 mns away from my house,hes staying with his mom and me and the kids live with my mom,step dad,and grandma!which he does not like!but he told everyone that i need to get my stuff together that its been long enough!(i need my ged but never had a ride or taking care of kids blah blah)so my moms been taking me and im doing good but i just had a baby so my mom wants me to wait 6 weeks and he feels i should have went back two weeks after i had her,but it sucks and i cant get a straight answer out of him why he left and when hes comeing home or where getting our own place!his mom said i cant move in till im done with school,which is fine cause i dont like her and i dont want to move in with her!!but he doesnt realy want to talk about any of it!!hows that going to fix anything??i hate this and i miss my husband and want him home!!

by on Nov. 18, 2010 at 6:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
WickdlySweet
by on Nov. 18, 2010 at 9:32 PM
Why is there so much pressure from him and his mom for you to go to school? Not that its a bad thing but you did just have a child..he should give you some time before having expectations of you....what does he do work or go to school?
twitch
by on Nov. 18, 2010 at 10:49 PM

idk he got mad at me cause i withdrew at 37 weeks and i had her at 39 he wanted me to go till i was due!good thing i didnt! he goes to school(clinicals) two nights a week,and works like two to one and a half weeks a month,out of the almost 4 yrs we'v been together hes had a job for all together 6 months and every time he got into school he dropped out now he will be done in dec and he said he doesnt like it so hes going to finish but then go back for something else!my grandma told me he told her that he feels like hes growing and im not??wtf i take care of our two kids and clean!he plays with them thats it im the one who gets up at night and takes care of them all day,

ShannaBee
by Platinum Member on Nov. 18, 2010 at 11:01 PM
I don't think your husband understands the pressure of being a mother while juggling school and work while taking care of things around the house. Before you change your life and make any decisions you need to ask him if he wants to make the marriage work and what can be done. If he wants you to go to school he needs to be willing to pull his weight with childcare and housework. Having children at a young age can be tough because young people are trying to build a life while juggling being parents. Both of you need to write a list of what you want out of the marriage along with your future plans and goals. Compare and discuss.
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KatieJo81
by on Nov. 19, 2010 at 12:02 AM

Here's what I see... You both started this relationship in the fast lane. Being a young parent of not one but two children is very taxing on a relationship and on you. (I was married at 18, 1st kid at 19 and 2nd kid at 20, divorced by 22) You need to make sure that no matter what decisions he makes, you do what you need to do to be responsible for your children and yourself. I agree with the other poster that you need to speak with your husband and compare and contrast your expectations for your marriage against his.

In order for your marriage to proceed forward, you need to get some solid communication going. You can not do this on your own. He has to be willing to actually sit down with you and have an honest, heart to heart conversation about the future of your marriage and lives together before much can be accomplished. Make sure you truly listen to him and his desires and expect him to do the same for you. You need to have this conversation with him without your kids around or other family members.

If time apart is needed so that you both gain maturity, insight, appreciation, respect and love again in your marriage, embrace it with hope, continue to communicate and build on your relationship and you will perservere.

I'm glad he's making an attempt to better his life with furthering his education, even if he hasn't made up his mind as to what he wants to do with his education. Being a mature, responsible parent/husband/provider is learning to prioritize the responsibilities of your life such as your education, career, spouse, children, home, etc.... You need to finish your schooling if for no better reason than to be able to be prepared to care for your family, whether or not that includes him. Best of luck to you and your family!

michelle5971
by on Nov. 19, 2010 at 8:07 AM


Quoting KatieJo81:

Here's what I see... You both started this relationship in the fast lane. Being a young parent of not one but two children is very taxing on a relationship and on you. (I was married at 18, 1st kid at 19 and 2nd kid at 20, divorced by 22) You need to make sure that no matter what decisions he makes, you do what you need to do to be responsible for your children and yourself. I agree with the other poster that you need to speak with your husband and compare and contrast your expectations for your marriage against his.

In order for your marriage to proceed forward, you need to get some solid communication going. You can not do this on your own. He has to be willing to actually sit down with you and have an honest, heart to heart conversation about the future of your marriage and lives together before much can be accomplished. Make sure you truly listen to him and his desires and expect him to do the same for you. You need to have this conversation with him without your kids around or other family members.

If time apart is needed so that you both gain maturity, insight, appreciation, respect and love again in your marriage, embrace it with hope, continue to communicate and build on your relationship and you will perservere.

I'm glad he's making an attempt to better his life with furthering his education, even if he hasn't made up his mind as to what he wants to do with his education. Being a mature, responsible parent/husband/provider is learning to prioritize the responsibilities of your life such as your education, career, spouse, children, home, etc.... You need to finish your schooling if for no better reason than to be able to be prepared to care for your family, whether or not that includes him. Best of luck to you and your family!

Excellent advise!

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kybella
by on Nov. 19, 2010 at 8:40 AM

 

Quoting KatieJo81:

Here's what I see... You both started this relationship in the fast lane. Being a young parent of not one but two children is very taxing on a relationship and on you. (I was married at 18, 1st kid at 19 and 2nd kid at 20, divorced by 22) You need to make sure that no matter what decisions he makes, you do what you need to do to be responsible for your children and yourself. I agree with the other poster that you need to speak with your husband and compare and contrast your expectations for your marriage against his.

In order for your marriage to proceed forward, you need to get some solid communication going. You can not do this on your own. He has to be willing to actually sit down with you and have an honest, heart to heart conversation about the future of your marriage and lives together before much can be accomplished. Make sure you truly listen to him and his desires and expect him to do the same for you. You need to have this conversation with him without your kids around or other family members.

If time apart is needed so that you both gain maturity, insight, appreciation, respect and love again in your marriage, embrace it with hope, continue to communicate and build on your relationship and you will perservere.

I'm glad he's making an attempt to better his life with furthering his education, even if he hasn't made up his mind as to what he wants to do with his education. Being a mature, responsible parent/husband/provider is learning to prioritize the responsibilities of your life such as your education, career, spouse, children, home, etc.... You need to finish your schooling if for no better reason than to be able to be prepared to care for your family, whether or not that includes him. Best of luck to you and your family!

 Couldn't say it better myself!

orange4agua72
by on Nov. 19, 2010 at 9:14 AM

 HUGS HUNNY!!!

jenbscott
by on Nov. 19, 2010 at 10:51 AM
Neither could I!


Quoting kybella:

 


Quoting KatieJo81:


Here's what I see... You both started this relationship in the fast lane. Being a young parent of not one but two children is very taxing on a relationship and on you. (I was married at 18, 1st kid at 19 and 2nd kid at 20, divorced by 22) You need to make sure that no matter what decisions he makes, you do what you need to do to be responsible for your children and yourself. I agree with the other poster that you need to speak with your husband and compare and contrast your expectations for your marriage against his.


In order for your marriage to proceed forward, you need to get some solid communication going. You can not do this on your own. He has to be willing to actually sit down with you and have an honest, heart to heart conversation about the future of your marriage and lives together before much can be accomplished. Make sure you truly listen to him and his desires and expect him to do the same for you. You need to have this conversation with him without your kids around or other family members.


If time apart is needed so that you both gain maturity, insight, appreciation, respect and love again in your marriage, embrace it with hope, continue to communicate and build on your relationship and you will perservere.


I'm glad he's making an attempt to better his life with furthering his education, even if he hasn't made up his mind as to what he wants to do with his education. Being a mature, responsible parent/husband/provider is learning to prioritize the responsibilities of your life such as your education, career, spouse, children, home, etc.... You need to finish your schooling if for no better reason than to be able to be prepared to care for your family, whether or not that includes him. Best of luck to you and your family!


 Couldn't say it better myself!


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twitch
by on Nov. 19, 2010 at 11:58 AM

thats it tho he doesnt want to talk about it,ill try to sit down when i do see him and talk to him about it and he says idk, we'll see ,maybe!thats all i ever get out of him sometimes hes very sweet and sometimes hes an ass!and sometimes he makes me feel like he does want it to be over he just doesnt have the balls to say it

jsmom01
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 2:51 PM

Am I understanding you correctly,

You have 2 kids, and haven't lived with your husband in 2 years because he can't "handle it" .  You are both so young still... It doesn't sound like a marriage in the conventional sense.  Is he just staying "married to keep you on a leash and not pay child support?  If he has 2 children, he should be spending any free time with them and you,  weekends included especially if you are both techinically married.   You need to finish school and get an education/trade to ensure you can always provide for them if you need to.

I agree with the previous posts that he needs to be responsible, and that you both must make decisions together, and neither of your parents shoudl be involved.    Best of luck.

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