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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

getting divorced

Posted by on Nov. 19, 2010 at 1:56 PM
  • 7 Replies

Hi, I think he just file today for a divorced. At times I feel that it's for the better but then other times I feel like trying and giving in. He has a drinking problem, not to the extreme that he cannot control it but it will be 3-12 days in a row of steady drinking. Not to the point that he can funtion but will call off work and basically stay home and to himself and drink. It hurts me to see him this way but nothing has work. He doen't want to seek professional help. To me,  it's just another addiction and I don't like it. Now, I found myself, 47yeas old, and soon single. It scares me to death, just wondering if it is a mistake to let him go. 6 1/2 years gone.

by on Nov. 19, 2010 at 1:56 PM
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Replies (1-7):
ShannaBee
by on Nov. 19, 2010 at 2:02 PM

The thing about helping people is that they need to want to help themselves. If he refuses counceling or AA meetings than there is nothing you can really do until he wakes up and realizes that drinking is causing him to lose everything. If he calls in to work just to be able to have a drinkiing binge then he will lose his job. It seems like he is already losing his wife. It seems like you are trying to downplay his drinking a little but this is serious.

Offer him the counceling. The most he can do is say no again. You can also gather friends and family and stage an intervention.

In the long run, it's your choice to stay or go. I pray that you have the strength to reach your decision.

cmlkb
by on Nov. 19, 2010 at 2:14 PM
1 mom liked this

My ex is an alcoholic and we were together17 years. It wasn't too bad in the early days, but slowly and surely got much worse. A drinking prolem does not get better without some sort of change, help from AA, alcohol rehab, couseling whatever the case may be. I thought for years he could control it and was only kidding myself. I loved him and didn't want to believe it could be that bad, but it was. Alcoho;ism WILL destroy your lifes. I agree with previous poster about your choice. I tried to "help" my ex while together, but it doesn't work. The best thing I did was to have him leave, but very hard and very painful

orange4agua72
by on Nov. 19, 2010 at 3:56 PM

 BIG HUGS MAMA!!!

jenbscott
by on Nov. 20, 2010 at 2:21 PM

Very true

Quoting ShannaBee:

The thing about helping people is that they need to want to help themselves. If he refuses counceling or AA meetings than there is nothing you can really do until he wakes up and realizes that drinking is causing him to lose everything. If he calls in to work just to be able to have a drinkiing binge then he will lose his job. It seems like he is already losing his wife. It seems like you are trying to downplay his drinking a little but this is serious.

Offer him the counceling. The most he can do is say no again. You can also gather friends and family and stage an intervention.

In the long run, it's your choice to stay or go. I pray that you have the strength to reach your decision.


Sophie4910
by on Nov. 20, 2010 at 10:12 PM

 Im really sorry you have to go through that. Im sure it is scary to be alone. But also think about whats best for you. Change is scary but maybe its for the better if thats the road he is going down.

Pst2
by on Nov. 20, 2010 at 10:39 PM

 It might be the wake up call he needs, you leaving and divorcing him. I grew up with an Alcoholic father. It took him a couple of years after us leaving for him to wake up and get sober. It will hurt for a while, but I believe you are doing the best thing. If you stay and let him continue you will be his enabler and he would use your staying as an excuse that he is not hurting anyone. Please DO NOT second guess yourself. It might also be a good idea to find an AA group and go yourself. It will help you. I will keep you in my thoughts. Best of luck to you.

cmlkb
by on Nov. 21, 2010 at 12:05 AM

Al-anon is a great idea. You need a support systen if you don't already have one.

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