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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

He loves me "too much" are you kidding me?? (Maybe a vent)

Posted by on Nov. 19, 2010 at 3:24 PM
  • 8 Replies

I'll try to make this short.

SO and I have been together over 1 1/2 years.  I still haven't met his family.  I've only met his kids a couple of times.  We got pregnant back in July, but miscarried in September.  We are supposed to be working on finally moving in together (that idea has been going on since March, but still has yet to happen).

Sure, we've had our ups and downs, but he said something yesterday that pissed me off.  He doesn't help me with my finances.  He may buy a bag of dog food, or put $10 in my gas tank, but that's about it.  He does not contribute at all to my bills.  2 weeks ago, my cable tv was interrupted because I was late on the bill.  No help from him.  Earlier this week, my cell phone was off for 3 days because I was waiting on my check that didn't hit till toward the later part of the week.  I got it turned back on yesterday, again without his help.  I found out that he had been calling the cell phone once or twice a day to see if I might have gotten it paid and turned back on.

When I got into it with him, because I felt it was sneaky or untrusting (why would I not tell him my phone was back on?  I don't understand why he would even check it!) he said "maybe I love you too much" because he doesn't like having to go all day without at least getting to talk to me at lunch time.

If he loved me so much, wouldn't he step up and help me out?  Wouldn't he get moved in?  Wouldn't I meet his family?

What's your take????

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
by on Nov. 19, 2010 at 3:24 PM
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Replies (1-8):
orange4agua72
by on Nov. 19, 2010 at 3:53 PM

 All you can do is tell him how you feel.

It's obviously bothering you that you haven't met his family: so why not just bring it up and ask him to arrange it so you can meet (it shouldn't be too hard with the holiday's comming).

It's not his job to take care of your bills, especially if he's NOT living with you. Did you ask him to help you with the phone bill?

I'm not sure I understand the "I love you too much" thing, but it sounds to me like he was just worried about you and you should take it as a compliment instead of taking it as something negative.

As for him moving in: has he SAID he wanted to and is just too lazy to do it? or is it that you two have just talked about it, but never really SAID he was going to? I REALLY think if he REALLY wanted to move in (especially because it would save both of you money) he would do it! Why not just ask him to move in? Then when he says yes, just give him some dates to do it when you can help and do it together!

GL mama!

kimscorner
by on Nov. 19, 2010 at 4:08 PM

I guess by trying to keep it short, I left out things I shouldn't have.

Yes, he knows it bothers me that I haven't met his family...I tell him EVERY day. 

I'm not saying he should help me with my bills, but if he isn't helping me with them, then he shouldn't be asking me when I get my money, what I'm paying, etc.  He wants to know everything I do and everything that goes on with me, but doesn't let me know what he does with his money or anything else.

And as far as living together, it has been a mutual agreement.  We are supposed to be getting married, and had originally had Dec 18 (this year) as the date, then in February, HE wanted to move the date to July (2010) because HE didn't want to wait until the end of the year.  When I left it up to him to put the deposit on the church (he knew this was his responsibility) he never did it.

So, I guess I'm tired of him telling me how much he LOVES me, when he doesn't do anything.  It's like he gets his sex, and that's good enough.  I'm getting tired of putting out (don't get me wrong, I do love him) when he doesn't seem to make an effort to move forward with things.

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
insomnia
by on Nov. 19, 2010 at 4:28 PM

I would back off that and fast. He may be telling you one thing with his mouth, but his actions are telling you another story. Ultimately that's your decision to make.

kimscorner
by on Nov. 19, 2010 at 4:34 PM

I've always said "actions speak louder than words"....and that's what I've been thinking with him.....

ShannaBee
by on Nov. 19, 2010 at 6:19 PM

When DH and I were dating it was understood our seperate households were our responsibility. I never asked his help with my bills and he never asked for mine. He didn't live with me so I didn't see the point in him financially contributing to a house that was not his residence. I also don't like borrowing money from anyone and refused to ask him for help. That's just how we were.

What are his reasonings for not wanting you to meet his family?

jenbscott
by on Nov. 19, 2010 at 6:29 PM


Yes

Quoting kimscorner:

If he loved me so much, wouldn't he step up and help me out?  Wouldn't he get moved in?  Wouldn't I meet his family?


But as far as helping out on bills and things of that nature, no.

Maybe he's not ready to be as commited as you think? Just asking because that's what it sounds like.

kimscorner
by on Nov. 19, 2010 at 7:38 PM

I guess it's a story of what he says isn't how he acts.  He says he wants all the same things with me.  He says he wants us to find a place (mine's too small, and his apt is only a 2 bdrm that doesn't allow pets), he wants us to get married, and after the miscarriage, he is actively trying with me again.

He just doesn't seem to move it into high gear and get stuff done!

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
jenbscott
by on Nov. 20, 2010 at 2:26 PM


Quoting kimscorner:

I guess it's a story of what he says isn't how he acts.  He says he wants all the same things with me.  He says he wants us to find a place (mine's too small, and his apt is only a 2 bdrm that doesn't allow pets), he wants us to get married, and after the miscarriage, he is actively trying with me again.

He just doesn't seem to move it into high gear and get stuff done!

This is how my dh is. It takes for me to do things and he will follow. If I don't do anything, nothing will get done. Maybe it'll take for you to do the same thing. When you do take the first step and he still doesnt do anything than that'll let you know where he really stands.

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