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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

stay married?

Posted by on Nov. 22, 2010 at 12:21 AM
  • 26 Replies

Okay. About a few months ago my husband gave me an ultimatum. Find a better paying job or he was gonna kick me out at the first of the year. After a few weeks (cuz I couldn't have sex with him for obvious reasons) he said he would take it off the table if I promised to look hard for a job. I said yeah cuz now he has me miffed about giving me the choice. Well I found a better job with more money AND keeping the job I have now. I did some schooling online last year and didn't finish and was close to getting my Associates. NOW he wants me to get my transcripts and apply to another one to finsh at least the Associates degree. I can't afford my payments for student loans and the school is holding them. Can't tell him, long story. He said the only way (in my way basically) to get me "motivated" is the threaten me with divorce. He said I had to prove to him that I care and want to be here by finding a new job. Now I feel like saying I have a new job and say adios to him. I'm not sure if it's anger drivin but I jsut want to say see ya and I got that job for me and my 3 boys and leaving him anyway. IDK I want to but very scared to try and make it on my own. Any suggestions?

by on Nov. 22, 2010 at 12:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
emore626
by on Nov. 22, 2010 at 12:32 AM
Maybe the financial stress has him talking crap! Maybe he doesn't want a divorce he just doesn't know what to himself :(
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Eveshalloween
by on Nov. 22, 2010 at 12:34 AM

How dare anyone hold DIVORCE over your head, Id show his ass and leave!

jenbscott
by on Nov. 22, 2010 at 1:55 AM
If you didn't mention the sex part, I would have thought you were talking about your father! What's his problem? And why is he pushing you so hard with the tough love?

Is that really what motivates you? With threats? Honest question. My husband is sort of like this too. Well, not with threats but he has no sense of urgency whatsoever so it's hard for him to advance if I don't get on his case about things. Have you actually ever TOLD him that that's the only way you get motivated?

Tell him to back off and find a hobby or ELSE, give him an ultimatum back!
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ShannaBee
by Platinum Member on Nov. 22, 2010 at 7:28 AM
It's hard to know what his intentions are. He can either be controlling or actually trying to motivate you. Sit him down and tell him you are doing the best you can at the given moment. Does he have a college education? Maybe he needs motivation too.
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Strega
by on Nov. 22, 2010 at 7:33 AM

This. What gives him the right to give you ultimatums, and threaten to "throw you out" if you don't comply with his demands? You're an adult, and it's a relationship---not a dictatorship.

Quoting Eveshalloween:

How dare anyone hold DIVORCE over your head, Id show his ass and leave!



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jrsmom333
by on Nov. 22, 2010 at 10:03 AM
you shouldnt let him threaten you like that. Its not fair to you and its just selfish and mean imo. I think you should sit down and have a long talk with him.
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KristeV
by on Nov. 22, 2010 at 10:25 AM

I think very much that the financial stress that is on one partner working and the other not, is tremendous. I work full time and my husband was laid off a year ago. We have 3 kids and the strain on me feels unreal. I am working my butt off, plus trying to be a great mom, and theres nothing more I can do but just stand by and wait for things to get better. It's all waiting on him. I know he is trying his hardest. But the emotions get the best of me sometimes and I snap on him, thinking at the time I am being really logical. I have told him IDK what I will do if he don't get a job...yet his hands are tied, he is becoming very depressed,   by the day, and it's ruining our marriage.  So please realize, your husband is probably not thinking clearly, acting off of emotion.

emore626
by on Nov. 22, 2010 at 1:33 PM

 

Quoting KristeV:

I think very much that the financial stress that is on one partner working and the other not, is tremendous. I work full time and my husband was laid off a year ago. We have 3 kids and the strain on me feels unreal. I am working my butt off, plus trying to be a great mom, and theres nothing more I can do but just stand by and wait for things to get better. It's all waiting on him. I know he is trying his hardest. But the emotions get the best of me sometimes and I snap on him, thinking at the time I am being really logical. I have told him IDK what I will do if he don't get a job...yet his hands are tied, he is becoming very depressed,   by the day, and it's ruining our marriage.  So please realize, your husband is probably not thinking clearly, acting off of emotion.

 Kinda what I was thinking....

andmaef28
by on Nov. 22, 2010 at 1:46 PM

 No guy whether if he is husband, boyfriend or even ex husband should never threaten or give demands to a woman. If he so demaning about u getting a good job what about him? What does he do? You should leave him and yes it is scary but u can do it. Every state I think help single mom get on there feet and have their own place security for u and your boys. It is tough at first but each time u tell u self u can do it u can. I said that all the time. I'm single mom with one child, but each time I want to give up I keep telling myself I can do it and its for him. I hope everything gets better and you don't need that from him.

SGJsmom
by on Nov. 22, 2010 at 1:49 PM

In my opinion if your DH loved and respected you, he wouldn't threaten divorce. There are more productive and healthier ways to communicate.

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