Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage
So...yeah...that's me =(

Having four BIG babies took a toll on my poor belly. To give you an idea, my smallest baby was 9lbs 9oz.

I loved everything about pregnancy, loved everything about giving birth, and I love being a mother. But lately when I look in the mirror, I'm just...gah. I have a lot of skin the lost its elasticity so it won't bounce back even with excercise=(

Dh says he doesn't care because he knows why it looks the way it does "because you gave me my four beautiful children". <3

Sometimes, I think about getting a tummy tuck...
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Nov. 28, 2010 at 11:14 AM
Replies (11-20):
jenbscott
by on Nov. 28, 2010 at 8:00 PM
I'm not glad that yall feel like this too but I'm sorta glad I'm not alone. Thanks for opening up gals it made me better =)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
nenewilson
by on Nov. 29, 2010 at 10:16 AM

 OMG! I have been thinking about doing this for over 3 yrs now. Hubby does not want me to do it at all. He feels the same way your hubby does. He says " Our son use to live there, why would you want to change how it looks because of it" Which is sweet I guess. I mean I am thankful that my husband still finds me sexy inspite of it. But it really bothers me, and after 3yrs of trying not to be too concerned with it, I really just want to get rid of all this excess skin that will not be going anywhere if I don't get a tummy tuck. So I completely, totally, understand how you feel. I love my son, I love the Blessing of being a mom and I would not change that, but for me just myself, I really do not like how my belly looks as a result of motherhood.

SlightlyPerfect
by Slightly Perfect on Nov. 29, 2010 at 10:47 AM

I think it's important for you to realize that the images of beauty that society presents to us (ok, barrages us with) are not real. Often in media priorities that actually matter to the majority are turned on their head, and the rare is considered the ideal. (I know. I used to work in advertising.) Doing so allows companies to make more money than they would otherwise because they create a need and offer a way to fill it. However, if media turn the priorities just a little too far, people recognize it and react. I think we're seeing that now more than we ever have, like with the Dove Campaign for Beauty and other self-esteem campaigns. Women are finally noticing they've slowly allowed themselves to be boiled alive, and they want to turn the heat off.

In literary theory, that's akin to something called the invisible corset. Back in the day when women wore corsets, society pressured them to. Eventually overtime, women internalized the corset, including in this modern age. We didn't need to wear them anymore after we convinced ourselves not eating or throwing up after meals was the way to go. And that is the goal of most advertising companies. Once they have people convinced something is wrong, they become life-long consumers.

But that being said, sometimes our insecurities and self-consciousness are justified. Pregnancy and birth contort the body; it's never the same again, and we may never fully adapt to our new bodies. It's alot to take in, and no matter how much people warn you about it, you have no idea until it happens to you. But the trick to it is to remember that function is far more important than aesthetics. At least in my opinion. And society doesn't praise stretched skin, for example, but what we moms do is far more important that what the "hot" 18-year-old blondes shakin' it on reality television are doing. But the media try to get us to change those priorities from the hard work of motherhood to the carefree life of the young. The question is whether you let that happen, and even if you don't, the allure of freedom like that is appealing sometimes, mostly because we sacrificed it to have our children. When we compare ourselves to it, we often can feel somewhat of a loss, if not jealousy. That, in turn, creates a need, and then we look for products (things outside of ourselves) to fill that void. And that is how the cycle survives and thrives.

The other trick I have learned is that sometimes, for me personally, I need to change my ideals and objectives in order to keep my actions aligned with reality, and I have to constantly check myself regarding why I am thinking what I am thinking. Self-reflection is the key. And honesty. It's almost like having a real sense of objectivity when analyzing what you may want to change about yourself.But the change has to be compared to a rubric you set, and how you create and alter that rubric is up to you

The beauty presented to us by society is something I will never meet. The question is whether it's something I want to meet, whether I want to put it in the rubric by which I judge myself and my actions. And the answer is no. I'm quite happy with the way I look, even post-baby. To me, I am slightly perfect.

Our goals about our bodies (as with, I think, all things, really) should be reality-driven.

That being said, if a tummy tuck would make you happy and you can afford it and you think it's a worthy goal, then go for it! Just make sure it's for the right reasons, not because you feel pressured by social standards of beauty (which are unattainable by their very nature).

Quoting jenbscott:

I'm not glad that yall feel like this too but I'm sorta glad I'm not alone. Thanks for opening up gals it made me better =)


kybella
by on Nov. 29, 2010 at 10:54 AM

 

Quoting SlightlyPerfect:

I think it's important for you to realize that the images of beauty that society presents to us (ok, barrages us with) are not real. Often in media priorities that actually matter to the majority are turned on their head, and the rare is considered the ideal. (I know. I used to work in advertising.) Doing so allows companies to make more money than they would otherwise because they create a need and offer a way to fill it. However, if media turn the priorities just a little too far, people recognize it and react. I think we're seeing that now more than we ever have, like with the Dove Campaign for Beauty and other self-esteem campaigns. Women are finally noticing they've slowly allowed themselves to be boiled alive, and they want to turn the heat off.

In literary theory, that's akin to something called the invisible corset. Back in the day when women wore corsets, society pressured them to. Eventually overtime, women internalized the corset, including in this modern age. We didn't need to wear them anymore after we convinced ourselves not eating or throwing up after meals was the way to go. And that is the goal of most advertising companies. Once they have people convinced something is wrong, they become life-long consumers.

But that being said, sometimes our insecurities and self-consciousness are justified. Pregnancy and birth contort the body; it's never the same again, and we may neve fully adapt to our new bodies. It's alot to take in. But the trick to it is to remember that function is far more important than aesthetics. At least in my opinion. And society doesn't praise stretched skin, for example, but what we moms do is far more important that the "hot" 18-year-old blondes shakin' it on reality television. But the media try to get us to change those priorities from the hard work of motherhood to the carefree life of the young. The question is whether you let that happen, and even if you don't, the allure of freedom like that is appealing sometimes, mostly because we sacrificed it to have our children. When we compare ourselves to it, we often can feel somewhat of a loss, if not jealousy.

The other trick I have learned is that sometimes I need to change my ideals and objectives in order to keep my actions aligned with reality. The beauty presented to us by society is something I will never meet. The question is whether it's something I want to meet. And the answer is no. I'm quite happy with the way I look, even post-baby. To me, I am slightly perfect.

Our goals about our bodies (as with, I think, all things, really) should be reality-driven.

That being said, if a tummy tuck would make you happy and you can afford it and you think it's a worthy goal, then go for it! Just make sure it's for the right reasons, not because you feel pressured by social standards of beauty (which are unattainable by their very nature).

Quoting jenbscott:

I'm not glad that yall feel like this too but I'm sorta glad I'm not alone. Thanks for opening up gals it made me better =)


  Thank you!  I needed that little shake and reality check!  I talked to my husband the other day about helping me to find time to work out.  He asked why I was trying to lose weight...I was fine the way I was.  My response, after some serious soul searching, was that I wasn't trying to lose weight, just be healthier.  My cholesterol is slowing creeping upward and I have a family history of diabetes.  I'm ok with my curves(sort of) but I do worry about my health and being around for my kiddos. 

Your response just affirmed what I've been trying to convince myself of.  So thanks!

TurboMom81
by Bronze Member on Nov. 29, 2010 at 10:58 AM

My husband always tell me I am perfect the way I am.  But he understands that this is something I need to do for me.  My reasons are more about my recent weight loss.  I can handle a little pot belly, what I can't stand is the excess skin that folds over my underwear.  Sorry if that is too graphic.

I talked to a woman I work with who had a tummy tuck and she loves it! It got rid of 75% of her stretch marks and she loves how flat her stomach is.  Although she did say recovery was a real bitch. 

Quoting nenewilson:

 OMG! I have been thinking about doing this for over 3 yrs now. Hubby does not want me to do it at all. He feels the same way your hubby does. He says " Our son use to live there, why would you want to change how it looks because of it" Which is sweet I guess. I mean I am thankful that my husband still finds me sexy inspite of it. But it really bothers me, and after 3yrs of trying not to be too concerned with it, I really just want to get rid of all this excess skin that will not be going anywhere if I don't get a tummy tuck. So I completely, totally, understand how you feel. I love my son, I love the Blessing of being a mom and I would not change that, but for me just myself, I really do not like how my belly looks as a result of motherhood.


Created by MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods

SlightlyPerfect
by Slightly Perfect on Nov. 29, 2010 at 11:07 AM

I was talking to my best friend about this the other night. We're very different. She just got married at 30 in Vegas (I was her matron of honor, though, so that was fun). But she is always partying and moving around and traveling, just like how DH and I were before we had our baby.

But we look at one another sometimes as each other's "potentials." If she had gotten married younger and had a baby later, she'd be me. If I had waited longer and partied more, I'd be her. Not exactly, but you get the point. And it's nice to be able to exchange ideas from our different perspectives. It keeps us in check.

And we were talking about some of the goals we have. How we are getting older, how we have to pay attention to our bodies more, how we don't lose weight as easily as we used to, how we have new buzz words in our vernacular that we actually have to pay attention to, like cholesterol and screenings and fruits & vegetables that mean really different things than they used to when we were younger. But we actually both look forward to it! Why not? Embrace aging. There's no sense in not.

And with aging comes responsibility for our bodies. So even though we lead opposite lives, our goals are very similar. I guess it's practically universal to want to maintain your youth as you age. We help check each other though, you know, like how you and your DH  seem to.  At this point it's definitely more about health than aesthetics.

Quoting kybella:


  Thank you!  I needed that little shake and reality check!  I talked to my husband the other day about helping me to find time to work out.  He asked why I was trying to lose weight...I was fine the way I was.  My response, after some serious soul searching, was that I wasn't trying to lose weight, just be healthier.  My cholesterol is slowing creeping upward and I have a family history of diabetes.  I'm ok with my curves(sort of) but I do worry about my health and being around for my kiddos. 

Your response just affirmed what I've been trying to convince myself of.  So thanks!


SparklingHope
by Bronze Member on Nov. 29, 2010 at 5:18 PM

I feel lack of self confidence sometimes myself...I've only had one, but i've gained a lot of weight...thankful part is my weight is pretty steady and hasn't gone too up or down the last three years since i've had my son. I can get it down with exercise..but yeah. lol. You're not alonee.

jenbscott
by on Nov. 29, 2010 at 6:58 PM
Slightly perfect...thanks =) and...what is your name btw?

As for the tummy tuck, I just want it for me. Not for the world and not even for my husband. Just for me. It would be nice to zip up my pants without my skin getting caught in it(sorry for the mental image, lol). In reality , there are no funds for plastic surgery BUT if I were a rich girl, I would get one.

=)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
nenewilson
by on Nov. 30, 2010 at 9:56 AM

 

Quoting jenbscott:

Slightly perfect...thanks =) and...what is your name btw?

As for the tummy tuck, I just want it for me. Not for the world and not even for my husband. Just for me. It would be nice to zip up my pants without my skin getting caught in it(sorry for the mental image, lol). In reality , there are no funds for plastic surgery BUT if I were a rich girl, I would get one.

=)

 Me Too.. I just want it for me, not the world. I lost so much weight after having my son that I am even smaller than I was before I became pregnant. I just cannot stand the skin.

Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive; Beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised... Prov 31:29-30


http://godschildew2010.blogspot.com




 




 

nenewilson
by on Nov. 30, 2010 at 9:57 AM

 Awesomely said, and so so right. =D

Quoting SlightlyPerfect:

I think it's important for you to realize that the images of beauty that society presents to us (ok, barrages us with) are not real. Often in media priorities that actually matter to the majority are turned on their head, and the rare is considered the ideal. (I know. I used to work in advertising.) Doing so allows companies to make more money than they would otherwise because they create a need and offer a way to fill it. However, if media turn the priorities just a little too far, people recognize it and react. I think we're seeing that now more than we ever have, like with the Dove Campaign for Beauty and other self-esteem campaigns. Women are finally noticing they've slowly allowed themselves to be boiled alive, and they want to turn the heat off.

In literary theory, that's akin to something called the invisible corset. Back in the day when women wore corsets, society pressured them to. Eventually overtime, women internalized the corset, including in this modern age. We didn't need to wear them anymore after we convinced ourselves not eating or throwing up after meals was the way to go. And that is the goal of most advertising companies. Once they have people convinced something is wrong, they become life-long consumers.

But that being said, sometimes our insecurities and self-consciousness are justified. Pregnancy and birth contort the body; it's never the same again, and we may never fully adapt to our new bodies. It's alot to take in, and no matter how much people warn you about it, you have no idea until it happens to you. But the trick to it is to remember that function is far more important than aesthetics. At least in my opinion. And society doesn't praise stretched skin, for example, but what we moms do is far more important that what the "hot" 18-year-old blondes shakin' it on reality television are doing. But the media try to get us to change those priorities from the hard work of motherhood to the carefree life of the young. The question is whether you let that happen, and even if you don't, the allure of freedom like that is appealing sometimes, mostly because we sacrificed it to have our children. When we compare ourselves to it, we often can feel somewhat of a loss, if not jealousy. That, in turn, creates a need, and then we look for products (things outside of ourselves) to fill that void. And that is how the cycle survives and thrives.

The other trick I have learned is that sometimes, for me personally, I need to change my ideals and objectives in order to keep my actions aligned with reality, and I have to constantly check myself regarding why I am thinking what I am thinking. Self-reflection is the key. And honesty. It's almost like having a real sense of objectivity when analyzing what you may want to change about yourself.But the change has to be compared to a rubric you set, and how you create and alter that rubric is up to you

The beauty presented to us by society is something I will never meet. The question is whether it's something I want to meet, whether I want to put it in the rubric by which I judge myself and my actions. And the answer is no. I'm quite happy with the way I look, even post-baby. To me, I am slightly perfect.

Our goals about our bodies (as with, I think, all things, really) should be reality-driven.

That being said, if a tummy tuck would make you happy and you can afford it and you think it's a worthy goal, then go for it! Just make sure it's for the right reasons, not because you feel pressured by social standards of beauty (which are unattainable by their very nature).

Quoting jenbscott:

I'm not glad that yall feel like this too but I'm sorta glad I'm not alone. Thanks for opening up gals it made me better =)


 

Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive; Beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised... Prov 31:29-30


http://godschildew2010.blogspot.com




 




 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)