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he came back.. but.. (eta)

Posted by on Nov. 30, 2010 at 6:50 PM
  • 12 Replies

we were separated for 3 weeks, we both consulted attorneys and we both have secret bank accounts, and he made the decision friday, but sunday he texted his girl.. last night was his first night back, on the couch. I'm torn, i feel like he is trying to play me, like he thinks he can keep his girlfriend or something, idk.. we havent had that talk yet, im so nervous to bring it up.. we just had a very intense clothes on make out. those hugs and kisses were very intense, but i honestly cant tell if it is because of me or because hes horny. He cant tell me he loves me yet, until he can, and until he kicks his girl to the curb, hes not getting any sex i know, but im just afraid to bring her up, so we can move on... im torn.. 

eta:

we had a talk, the talk. he said they have some "unfinished business" that he needs to take care of, that and tell her we are working it out... She has Just been diagnosed with chrones disease so i guess thats why hes letting her go slow..? doesnt want to overwhelm her with bad news..? He kept saying "I'm here now. I'm here. that should tell you something. I'm here now." weve been married for 3.5 years, after dating for 2 by the way.

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by on Nov. 30, 2010 at 6:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
V.Dubbya
by on Nov. 30, 2010 at 6:55 PM
I'm sorry mama, I've been there. How long have you been together? If he's back it says something. Does he say he wants to work it out?
((((hugs))))
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ShannaBee
by Platinum Member on Nov. 30, 2010 at 6:55 PM

I would keep sexual things off limits for awhile. I think you need to sit him down and have "the talk". Honestly I wouldn't have made out with him if I knew he'd texted that other girl. He needs to get serious of whether to reconcile with you are be with the girl.

jenbscott
by on Nov. 30, 2010 at 7:02 PM

 Sounds like he's still keeping his girl around? Are you okay with that? I would definitely hold OFF on any physical interaction with him until you two have a talk. It might give him the impression that you're allowing him to have you AND his girlfriend.

I hope you get things straightened out soon!

MSully3
by on Nov. 30, 2010 at 7:02 PM
I agree...he maybe trying to see what he can get....kinda have his cake and eat it too thing.
I wouldn't do anything sexual till y'all make time for that talk, its only gonna hurt more if he decides to leave for good. Once y'all talk and he is 100% sure he wants to stay and work on yalls marriage together, it won't make u feel guilty or desprete for him. And of course gets rid of any distractions.
Good luck momma


Quoting ShannaBee:

I would keep sexual things off limits for awhile. I think you need to sit him down and have "the talk". Honestly I wouldn't have made out with him if I knew he'd texted that other girl. He needs to get serious of whether to reconcile with you are be with the girl.

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deliela
by on Nov. 30, 2010 at 7:50 PM
Personally he wouldn't be in my house. He would stay gone.
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campomommy
by on Nov. 30, 2010 at 10:09 PM

ETA in post

MSully3
by on Nov. 30, 2010 at 10:19 PM
I've heard that said too. 'Well I'm here aren't I?' Like that's all that needed. Stbx said that A LOT during our 6yr marriage, but yeah he was physically there (yeah it was sooo much time, not!), he was emotionally gone a lot.
Idk about the girl...chrones disease or not..he should be 100% clear. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be supportive to a friend, but he needs to be clear to her that he's going to work on his marriage, be faithful, etc. So there's no mixup later.
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MSully3
by on Nov. 30, 2010 at 10:22 PM
And what exactly is 'unfinished business'? Why does he need to run away from you to talk to her, text, etc..if there's nothing to hide?
Id be VERY cautious...
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jenbscott
by on Nov. 30, 2010 at 11:20 PM
Eh, just be careful. During your talk, was he specific to YOU about what he wants with YOU? I hope so.

And why can't he tell you what his unfinished business is? I would have told him to come back AFTER he's finished with his "business". But that's just how I am. I don't like to wonder why. I need to know and know now! Lol. There shouldn't be any secrets in a good relationship.

I hope everything works out for you and that he's not screwing you over.
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emore626
by on Nov. 30, 2010 at 11:33 PM
Seems to me the "unfinished business" is the girl! Idk, it sounds funny to me. Why did he come back? Why did u take him back?
Sorry to be so blunt about it. I guess I'm just thinking .... he's not done with the girl and you are making it ok for him to take his time about it and handle it his way?? It doesn't look to me like you guys are working anything out.


Quoting MSully3:

And what exactly is 'unfinished business'? Why does he need to run away from you to talk to her, text, etc..if there's nothing to hide?

Id be VERY cautious...
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