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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

i really love him too death but i dont kno what too do

Posted by on Dec. 1, 2010 at 10:02 PM
  • 21 Replies

okay so I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years (next month will be our 2 year anniversary) every couple has there ups and downs...

so he has this ex that he dated on and off in the past before me and him got together, well he travels for his job and can be gone for weeks at a time and comes home for 2-5 days at a time. well she only texts him when he is gone for his job and talks all day every day til he gets home, and he lies too me about it and how i know is every now and then i look at his phone and the messages are in his phone and Ive asked him before and after i look at his phone and he tells me no... i tell  him i don't care if you talk too her just dont lie too me about it cause it will upset me even more cause he lied... for awhile he told me every time she txted him and then he slowly stoped tellin me... well my big concern is i went too tennessee the beging of november he left shortly before that so i didnt get too see him before i left, well she started talkin about me and my pregnancy(yes i forgot too mention im 23 weeks &4 days pregnant with his son) about i need too quit smoking right away and my ob/gyn told me too slowly quit smoking(which i am), and then she started on mine and his relationship askin him why is he with me do you love her why would you buy a house together and started a family together, and then she told him he should leave me cause im gunna leave him when we get this house and nail him for child support, and i dont kno anything about raising children etc...

and the messed up part is she doesnt even kno me she has only met me 3 or 4 times since me and him been together.

and what gets me the most is he started talkin bad about me back too her and agreeing with her and i asked him about it he said " i only said it so she would shut up and leave me alone about it" i told him why didnt you just tell her its non of her business and stay out of it...

so right now im 23 weeks pregnant with his child and i dont kno what too do im tryin not too stress over this but it dont help cause he has lied too me about talkin too her and he is gone all the time... PLEASE HELP OR GIVE ME IDEAS ON WHAT TOO DO

stork

by on Dec. 1, 2010 at 10:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MomofMEJ
by on Dec. 1, 2010 at 10:33 PM

 Wow. I'd say to stand your ground and to stay calm about it. It's easy while being pregnant to get over emotional and freak out during an arguement. That's all you need when you're trying to level with him. Stand your ground, if you think its okay for them to talk (I think that in its self is generous) but don't appreciate him talking to that chick about you in any way then I'd say that's more than reasonable. 

lfrrll5
by on Dec. 1, 2010 at 10:40 PM
I think it sounds like a bad situation. I know if it were me I would leave him. No house or money in the world is worth the headache and pain.
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hdillon22
by on Dec. 1, 2010 at 10:45 PM

it really dont bother me if they talk every now and then its just all the time when it bothers me and when she says sh*t about me and then he does it too and that pisses me off the most about it and if he tells me he only says it too make her shut up which she doesnt she keeps going and going about it. it makes me wonder if he is telling me the truth or what

ShannaBee
by on Dec. 1, 2010 at 10:54 PM
He needs to cut contact. I would not be ok with my man doing this. From the things she says, she is setting him up to leave you. She wants to break you up. He needs to change his number and delete/forget hers. She is that Jenga block that makes the whole stack fall. He has a choice: you and his son or an ex. If he will pit against you long enough her into joining her in trashing you that is a betrayal in itself. He should be your rock and supporter, not throw you in the mud when another female wants to talk crap about you. You need to have a talk with him because this is unacceptable.
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jazzymom760
by on Dec. 1, 2010 at 11:00 PM


Quoting hdillon22:

it really dont bother me if they talk every now and then its just all the time when it bothers me and when she says sh*t about me and then he does it too and that pisses me off the most about it and if he tells me he only says it too make her shut up which she doesnt she keeps going and going about it. it makes me wonder if he is telling me the truth or what


I've been down that road and trust me, it really isn't worth it in the end. As much as you want to believe there is nothing, you have to take it as face value. The sooner, the better. Work on yourself and if this continues.....get out of it. That's my plan at least. After 5 yrs of suffering and our 3y/o daughter. So now I'm preparing myself for the final good-bye!

hdillon22
by on Dec. 1, 2010 at 11:06 PM

ive givin him those choice and he choosed me but some how she found away too get back too square one or found away too talk too him... im tryin too prepare myself from leaving him but something is tellin me too stay and i dont kno what it is

Iconoclast
by Bronze Member on Dec. 1, 2010 at 11:14 PM

You need to sit down and talk to him, really talk; because no matter what the ex says about you the fact that they continue to talk is going to create a big dent in your relationship.  He needs to tell his ex to stop texting him and stop calling he also needs to stop accepting the calls and texts.  Understand that she is the problem but she is also not.  Your bf is just using her as a scapegoat he is enabling this relationship that shouldn't be if he is with you (or if there was a child between them).  It is hard to start the convo or to decide how to word the statements but you need to let him know that his actions aren't acceptable to you and that you both need to find a remedy.  If he cares then he will agree to remove anything that will put a strain.  good luck

jazzymom760
by on Dec. 1, 2010 at 11:16 PM

Yea mine chose me too. He just doesn't understand that that part of his past is hendering us from moving forward. Me and my kids suffer because he's not willing to let that part of his life go. These guys are holding on to someone else emotionally and it's not fair to us. I know mine talks bad about me to her because he talks badly about her to me. So that we will hate each other and think that each other is the one with the issues when it's actually him.

jazzymom760
by on Dec. 1, 2010 at 11:19 PM


Quoting Iconoclast:

You need to sit down and talk to him, really talk; because no matter what the ex says about you the fact that they continue to talk is going to create a big dent in your relationship.  He needs to tell his ex to stop texting him and stop calling he also needs to stop accepting the calls and texts.  Understand that she is the problem but she is also not.  Your bf is just using her as a scapegoat he is enabling this relationship that shouldn't be if he is with you (or if there was a child between them).  It is hard to start the convo or to decide how to word the statements but you need to let him know that his actions aren't acceptable to you and that you both need to find a remedy.  If he cares then he will agree to remove anything that will put a strain.  good luck

Agree 100%

KatieJo81
by on Dec. 1, 2010 at 11:45 PM

 My husband before we got married had a co-worker he was friends with. During a low point in our relationship they became drinking buddies and she and several other co-workers/friends were all getting together often to drink and hang out. As we were working on our relationship she was trying to talk him out of marrying me because she wanted him for herself. She would say several of the same things you reported her saying about you. I had a bad feeling about her and finally sat my hubby down and told him I didn't trust her. I didn't like the way she was acting and I didn't want her around unless I was there. Because he loved and respected me, he told her she was welcome to come hang out with him and me but she wasn't welcome there when he was alone. She disliked it so much she tried to crash and object at my wedding but it didn't get her far. Your boyfriend if he truly loves and respects you, will listen to your wishes and do as you ask. If I were in your shoes, I would listen to your instincts and prepare for both the best and worst results. Good Luck!!

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