I am not sure how or where to start because I am new to this Forum stuff....here goes. I have been married for 9 years. We have three children together and I thought we were stronger and better now then we were when we first got married. The last few years have been really hard on us...my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer @ the age of 47 and died from it at the age of 50. We were a strong support team for him with Dr's visits and anything else he needed through his struggle. I was fired from my job last January for refusing to lie for my boss to get an employee out of taking a random drug test and my husband was employed by the same company and still is. His grandma who was more of a mother to my husband died suddenly last December from cancer that nobody knew she had. Then in July I found out that my husband was having an affiar with my best friend. The worst part about it is I don't know what all even happened. All he will tell me is he told her that he had feelings for her and she said that he shouldn't. How am I to get over this when I don't think he is being open and honest with me. His answers are usually I don't remember what was said I am trying to forget about it. He says that it was a huge mistake and he doesn't know why he said it because he no longer has feelings for her and he loves me and only wants to be with me. I am tired of faking that I am ok and have told him that I need to know why it happened so that I can feel safe in knowing that it won't happen again. He doesn't know why it happened or why he felt that way so I can get any sort of answers from him. What do I do??? I want to spend the rest of my life with him but I am scared that it could happen again. You all have heard the saying once a cheater always a cheater. It is really hard to get that out of my head right now. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated. I don't want my husband to be viewed as a bad man.....I just want to understand him and his feelings so that we can move forward and communicate. Since he can't seem to talk to me about anything! Sorry I have rambled on for so long....I will try and keep them shorter in the future.