why am i so mean??
im kerrie, I just turned 21, in nov, and had a gorgeous little girl in Oct,
My mother just died from diabetes on aug' 3oth of this year, she was only 50, and this was my first child and her first actual grandbaby, she never got to see her, and it kills me everyday. so only a few months ago, and I'm sure that has a lot to do with this. But, My husband, is one of the most, kind gentle, loving, laid back, non-conflicting person, that I have ever met in my life. -
A little back history, that could be a reason too, is i was very abused as a child, neglected, and feeling unloved a lot of the time. My biological father, also molested my sister and I. My mother and father, pretty much hated one another, and there were seldom times they actually got along. My mom couldnt stand how he treated her, or his children, but never had the strenght and was too scared to leave him until 2 years b4 her death. My family ALWAYS had drama, and something negative happened everyday
Any way. so now you know more about why I COULD be this way.
But Ryan (my husband) and I pretty much have some kind of bickering every single day. I cry almost EVERY single day. and its ALWAYS me who will start it, I dont know HOW to handle situations the right way, he ALWAYS tries to teach me, and is VERY patient with me. but I always end up HATING MYSELF at the end of the day for the way ive treated him, because woman, would KILL to have a man like him, and he is completely and utterly devoted to only me.
I dont know how to change, i try, and i just go back to the old ways. he could do something small and i would get after him. i seem to feed on drama. or negativity