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Not wanting sex. need advice!

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I have a question for anyone who is willing to read. My husband and I have been married for 4 years, we have 3 kids they are 4, 2, and 1. Well about 5 months ago I left my husband and got with 2 other guys. It was the biggest mistake of my life but I did it because my husband treated me more like a slave then a wife. He told me I was ugly and told me what I need to do to look better. He was mean cursed me out all the time so I had enough of it and left. I made the mistake of getting with other guys. Well about 5 months ago I went back to my husband he seemed like he really changed. Well about 2 months after being with him it seems like my sex drive just left. He wants to have sex alot and I only want to do it about once a month if even that. I am always busy with the kid even at night sometimes I dont get to bed until 4am. We fight all the time about me not wanting to have sex. Really I want to I do want to please him but sometimes when he trys it just makes me mad. Now i said it seemed like he had changed well hes back, i get cursed out more now then I did, he thinks I should get him what he ask for, he doesnt help out with the kids and barley helps out with house. I need some advice, why do you think my sex drive is gone? I think it has alot to do with the way he acts. but maybe I`m wrong what does it sound like to any of you? 

by on Dec. 14, 2010 at 3:43 PM
Replies (11-20):
by on Dec. 14, 2010 at 10:43 PM


by on Dec. 14, 2010 at 11:25 PM

 This exactly. Think of it this way... To get in the mood to even have sex you need to feel attractive, wanted, desired. Can you really feel that way if he's talking down to you like you are nobody? I went through the same things with my ex. I wish you luck.

Quoting sweetheart5703:

I think the attraction is not there anymore. He is emotionally abusive to you, and because of it, you don't feel that strong love connection and attraction. He also needs to stop asking IMO. I hate when guys ask. My ex was a sexaholic, he wanted it ALL the time. He also cheated on me, and physically abused me at one point in time. Well once the trust is gone, and you feel worthless, I can understand why you wouldn't want to have sex with him. He needs to step up his game. I mean what you did is completely wrong, cheating is a terrible thing. I think both of you need to go to counseling, work out some anger issues. Then I would get back to the basics. Try to remember what attracted you to him in the first place. Maybe you guys can get a babysitter, and go out for dinner, and drinks or something, and rekindle the romance a bit. In the meantime as long as he is talking shit to you, your not going to want to sleep with him. Nothing is going to turn you on, if you don't feel appreciated, and wanted in a good way. He is also most likely acting like this because he is sexually frustrated. You guys have to meet somewhere in the middle, or it will continue like this. Good luck. 


by on Dec. 15, 2010 at 12:29 AM

Did you fall out of love with your husband? My friend told me that she knew she had fallen out of love with hers when she didn't want him to touch all. And it would make her mad if he even tried. Just another viewpoint.

by on Dec. 15, 2010 at 2:27 AM

Screw talking to him! that's not working, you have already left once and came back if your willing to put up with it why would he change when he can do what he wants. of course your not interested in having sex with him he's a jerk and treats you like crap if you want to make your marriage work and get your drive back tell him you want to go to therapy, get some help for you both and get some one on one therapy for him because he is abusing you. just because he doesn't leave a visible mark doesn't mean he's not leaving scars. GET SOME HELP FAST. i've been in the same situation and if you don't get out or get some help it will just get worse and maybe even dangerous.

I don't mean to sound to harsh I'm just telling you how it is

I'll keep you in my prayers.


by on Dec. 15, 2010 at 4:33 AM

Do yourself and your kids a favor and just get out and stay out. You're beating a dead horse.

by on Dec. 15, 2010 at 7:32 PM

 you are too busy with the kids and the housework that you are exhausted that sex is the fatherest from your mind.  Also the way he is treating you is not helping either.

It sounds like it might be easier just to leave and don't look back.

by on Dec. 15, 2010 at 9:47 PM

your children are very young. my best advice would be leave the children with someone so that you 2 can have a seriouse talk. ask him to go for counseling he needs to understand that he has a problem. and very low self estem. this is not good for your kids to hear this kind of verble abuse. if he does not want to go leave him and hopefully he will change his mind about the help. our children depend on us to care for them. good luck.

by on Dec. 15, 2010 at 9:54 PM

it the way he treats you.

by on Dec. 16, 2010 at 11:29 AM

I think maybe it's because of the guilt you feel for getting with other guys when you left him. Does your husband know about them? Maybe just talking it out will help.

by on Dec. 16, 2010 at 11:35 AM

I feel the same way. It's how he's treating you AND you are exhausted taking care of the kids with no help

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