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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

i really need some encouragement. im having a horrible day :(

Posted by on Dec. 25, 2010 at 1:55 PM
  • 36 Replies

Hey! Today is suppose to be a great day. Wow I screwed up. My fiance refused to go to my moms for christmas today or bring his daughter cause my sisters guy is a women beater but getting help. he says he doesnt agree with that so he is making his daughter miss out on presents and he refuses to go. So now he is going to his friends for christmas and we are spending it apart with my kids and me at my moms and him with his daughter at his friends. I am so hurt I told him if he really didnt go we are over that i will not have split holidays nor will I live like that. Did I say the wrong thing? Now he is talking about coming back to our house tomorrow morning and packing up and really leaving for good. I got mad and set my engagement ring on our dresser and when he just left he brought it with. I was really really upset and not sure I should have called it off cause we have lots of other issues but now I think its too late. WOW im having a bad day.

    Then to make things even better my ex husband who I have children with text message me and said he is bringing me to court and called me alot of bad names and said I better watch out. ARRRRRRRRRRRRR

by on Dec. 25, 2010 at 1:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
OliviaW.
by on Dec. 25, 2010 at 1:59 PM

hugs

Shellness
by on Dec. 25, 2010 at 2:00 PM

You are right. You ARE having a bad day bless your heart! Your fiance had a valid point about the woman beater BUT you should be able to also go to your mothers home for Christmas. It is a hard situation. You should have just went to your moms and let him do what he felt he had to do. You could maybe call him and tell him you are going to your moms for a short time and will meet him at his friends or back home?

Try to explain to your mom. Maybe she would understand. She probably can't stand the guy either and it only having him there because of your sister.

Thats my best advice anyway. Sorry about your day. Talk to him. It will work out if it should.

offrdngal
by Member on Dec. 25, 2010 at 2:06 PM

I don't blame you for not wanting to have split holidays.  There could have been a compromise to this issue.  Both of you did the wrong thing.  He doesn't like the sister's bf, his daughter has gifts there.   This is easily solved...either go on a different day or go and stay for a little while and then say your goodbyes.  There was no need for either of you to get angry.  Maybe when things have cooled down, the two of you can try to talk to each other.  Figure out how the two of you can communicate better and compromise.  If you can't do either, then you shouldn't get married.

Jezzeria
by on Dec. 25, 2010 at 2:08 PM
:( sounds like a rough day. It'll be ok. Take a little time let him vent and then you guys talk rationally about it. Just remember thats not something to be joking around with in the future
MrsTantaros
by on Dec. 25, 2010 at 4:21 PM

Well, I can see both sides of it. I know my DH hates some of my family members. So we set up that we visit then come back together to have our own little holiday. Thats probably what should have been done. You will have issues like that in any relationship..thats where you have to compromise.

Sorry your holiday has been rough. Hope it gets better.


MrsTantaros
by on Dec. 25, 2010 at 4:22 PM

Exactly what I was thinking...

Quoting offrdngal:

I don't blame you for not wanting to have split holidays.  There could have been a compromise to this issue.  Both of you did the wrong thing.  He doesn't like the sister's bf, his daughter has gifts there.   This is easily solved...either go on a different day or go and stay for a little while and then say your goodbyes.  There was no need for either of you to get angry.  Maybe when things have cooled down, the two of you can try to talk to each other.  Figure out how the two of you can communicate better and compromise.  If you can't do either, then you shouldn't get married.


youngmama18
by on Dec. 25, 2010 at 4:27 PM

The same thing i was thinking . It's not always easy trying to bleand familys and then dealing with an ex.  I have been in the same place and I understand how you fell. If you dont mind i am going to pray for you fiance .

Quoting Jezzeria:

:( sounds like a rough day. It'll be ok. Take a little time let him vent and then you guys talk rationally about it. Just remember thats not something to be joking around with in the future


MommaClark3
by on Dec. 25, 2010 at 4:38 PM

Sorry you are having a bad day... but both you and your Fiance are "WRONG"... you have to respect his deep belifs against abuse towards women, and shouldn't force him to be around a person like that? He shouldn't be making you choose... but the fact is... you did choose, you chose to be there away from him and now have to live with what you've done.

I say it like this because when my husband and I did intensive therapy, I brought up how his mother called me out of my name, and the therapist asked him... "how could you allow your mother to call her these things"? His response was that we were not married yet, so she asked, "if this is who you are to spend your life with why was she not worth at least respect"? Meaning that if I was the one he was going to have a partnership with, he should have cleved to me, and we been the foundation... not others! You have done basically what my husband has, only your fiance is choosing to walk away for a more faithful, respectful, partner that will be there for them??? I can't say why I hadn't walked away... but my husband has never made the same mistake again... and at no point would I ever put up with another human being showing such disrespect towards my husband! My family is fully aware and respect us, and know where they stand in comparison to my husband and children... they come first!

Most I can offer up is seek couples therapy? Or live with the choices you both made... I just can't get past how him leaving over it is childish, but I don't know him... just know the reaction is that of throwinga metaphorical fit?!?! Hahahahaha

MommaClark3
by on Dec. 25, 2010 at 4:40 PM


Quoting youngmama18:

The same thing i was thinking . It's not always easy trying to bleand familys and then dealing with an ex.  I have been in the same place and I understand how you fell. If you dont mind i am going to pray for you fiance .

Quoting Jezzeria:

:( sounds like a rough day. It'll be ok. Take a little time let him vent and then you guys talk rationally about it. Just remember thats not something to be joking around with in the future

 


Just hope you save and keep records... show the judge???? Behavior like that is not taken nicely... he can say he's taking you to court, but he'll fall on his own sword once the judge sees how he is treating you and calling you out of your name...

jc7981
by on Dec. 25, 2010 at 4:45 PM

hugs

I had a rough holiday as well. Not as rough but dh and I got into it and it's our first Christmas as a married couple. It went horribly wrong. I hope things look up for you. Be strong and you will make it through regardless of his decision to stay or go.

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