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Posted by on Dec. 28, 2010 at 5:43 AM
  • 7 Replies

Hey Everyone my name is Kristen. I am a single mom of 3 kids. 2 boys Kalob and Cory ages 8 and 5 years and a little girl Hanna who is turning 1 on the 30th of December. 

I am currently getting a divorce from my son Cory's father. I am actually waiting for the courts to send me papers to when we go to court. I am happy about this divorce it was what was best for us. we have been split up for 3 years and there was no saving it. we tried but all we did was fight and it took living apart for over a year before we was able to get along most of the time. 

My other two children's father is my first love who used me for what he could mostly just for sex when he wasn't happy with what he was getting. It took me a long time to see that he was using me and i finally just over a year go opened my eyes up to it and finally let him go completely which allowed me to fall completely in love with the man i was already in love with but was blocking my feelings out cuz i couldn't let go. 

I made some mistakes in the past with my relationship i have now. I had cheated on him one time with the guy that was my first love which resulted in the pregnancy of my daughter. I regret cheating from the moment i did it. I hate how i let myself get sucked into his game. Aaron is they guy i'm seeing now and he broke up with me after finding out i had cheated when i told him i was pregnant and that it may not be his. We was split up for 6 months then he asked me back. That was november of last year 2009. Just before my daughter was born. Aaron was there with me when she was born and has been every step of the way. However we started to have problems again when the DNA test came back saying she was not his. It hurt us both alot. I know how hurt i was by it and i can only image how much more it hurt for him. 

We have had a rocky road for the last like 5 months or so. I've lost track of time. I been taking things day by day. I am so scared to lose him. He means the world to me and i don't want to have to live without him. We have been doing so well this last month then christmas we got into a fight twice... and we have had a rough couple of days and i don't know whats going to happen... I really don't want him to leave but i'm afraid he's going to... I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what is all going on. I have been so faithful this time and i try to make him happy. I just don't know what will make him happy anymore. its like the things we used to do are not good enough and yet if i try for us to do new things he don't want to... I just don't know anymore...

I get depressed when we fight and i can't help it. I have been a little depressed since Hanna was born... I actually think i had a little bit of postpartum depression but i wasn't depressed all the time just when Aaron was gone at work so i didn't do nothing about it. He works on the road and is gone from anywhere from one night to up to a week. Now it seems like I get depressed more easy... I feel like i should talk to someone sometimes but part of me don't know what good it will do at the same time... 

Well this is my life in a nut shell... Thanks Ladies for reading it 

I LOVE MY 3 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN! 

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THEY ARE MY WONDERFUL WORLD!

by on Dec. 28, 2010 at 5:43 AM
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Replies (1-7):
MrsTantaros
by on Dec. 28, 2010 at 6:02 AM

First...Welcome to the group! Second...Sorry to hear about the past..but its just that. THE PAST. Like the old saying goes, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. And I fully believe it! I have had a HORRILBE growing up life. But It doesn't get me down. I grow from it.

Talking about things that bother you is a great way to not only fully understand a situation, but also get some good advice how to fix it. Everyone needs help from time to time. You just have to have enough courage to ask for it.

Us ladies here are great and friendly, I havn't met a single one I didn't like! We are here all the time for support! Dont hesitate to talk! :)


Mama2dragon1fae
by on Dec. 28, 2010 at 6:14 AM

Thanks... I agree the past is the past... I am learning to live with the choices i have made in the past and i think about it like this. Each thing had to happen for me to get to where i am now and the things that are to come have to happen to get to where i'm going. I don't know what the future holds yet but it all depends on the choices i make...

The thing in the past that is the hardest to be fully past is the one time i cheated on Aaron cuz i don't think he has let it all go... I think he has let go the cheating part and has forgiven me for the cheating itself but i don't think he has let go the fact that i got pregnant in the process. He loves my daughter to death and she calls him Daddy. and i think it hurts him knowing she isn't his biologically and I don't know if he can or how long it will take him to get past that. I know that in his past any problem he has ever had he has just ran from and try to forget it so he never had to deal with it. And thats why i'm afraid so much that he's just going to run cuz he don't want to have to deal with his hurt if he just leaves and tries to pretend it never happened... I hope that we can make things work. It just every time we get into a fight he says we are done and we are never going to be an us again but once things have calmed down after a few days things go back to us being a couple... I just don't know anymore. I don't know if he is just staying around cuz he has no place else to go right now or if its cuz he really wants to be here.. i feel more that he wants to be here cuz i know that in the past that even if he didn't have a place to go he has left a place he didn't really want to be... But like I said I have gotten to the point where I really don't know anymore.... 

MrsTantaros
by on Dec. 28, 2010 at 6:22 AM

I would try and sit down with him...when all is quiet and no fighting. And just talk. I know I do that with my husband a lot. We get so caught up in every day life that we are quick to argue, and not knowing what for. Another great opportunity would to try and get a sitter, and just you two go do something. Get out of your normal daily habit, and relax. That helps a lot too.

Quoting Mama2dragon1fae:

Thanks... I agree the past is the past... I am learning to live with the choices i have made in the past and i think about it like this. Each thing had to happen for me to get to where i am now and the things that are to come have to happen to get to where i'm going. I don't know what the future holds yet but it all depends on the choices i make...

The thing in the past that is the hardest to be fully past is the one time i cheated on Aaron cuz i don't think he has let it all go... I think he has let go the cheating part and has forgiven me for the cheating itself but i don't think he has let go the fact that i got pregnant in the process. He loves my daughter to death and she calls him Daddy. and i think it hurts him knowing she isn't his biologically and I don't know if he can or how long it will take him to get past that. I know that in his past any problem he has ever had he has just ran from and try to forget it so he never had to deal with it. And thats why i'm afraid so much that he's just going to run cuz he don't want to have to deal with his hurt if he just leaves and tries to pretend it never happened... I hope that we can make things work. It just every time we get into a fight he says we are done and we are never going to be an us again but once things have calmed down after a few days things go back to us being a couple... I just don't know anymore. I don't know if he is just staying around cuz he has no place else to go right now or if its cuz he really wants to be here.. i feel more that he wants to be here cuz i know that in the past that even if he didn't have a place to go he has left a place he didn't really want to be... But like I said I have gotten to the point where I really don't know anymore.... 



Mama2dragon1fae
by on Dec. 28, 2010 at 6:30 AM

The problem is these days he don't want to talk... Its hard to get him to talk... Like right now he is still sitting in the living room playing the xbox... Its one of those things we will only end up talking when he wants to and i never know when that will be. i try to talk to him at nights when we are alone in our room but its hard to when its 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 am before he comes to bed. We do go out when we can but its not very often... And he hasn't really wanted to. Like today we got into a fight about leaving. I was gonna have our friend who's staying with us watch the kids so we could run to the store and get some soda and him some smokes well he wanted to just got get his smokes and him a 20 oz by himself and i didn't know that. i wanted to go to the store so i could get milk to well it turned into a fight when i told him it was okay for him okay to go ahead and just go. He got really pissed off at me. Its like i don't know what I'm doing wrong.. He gets upset for wanting to go with him but then gets pissed off when I agree with what he wanted to do in first place... I am sure that there is more to it then i know thats bothering him.... 

lizziangel10502
by on Dec. 28, 2010 at 8:58 AM

 we have a lot in common....please feel free to PM me......6 months after DH and i got married he came home from work and told me that he had feeling for a friend at work...i got really upset...and we did counseling...and we stayed together......then when DH started school in sept of 2007....there were days that he was gone from 5 am -10 pm....and those days i was feeling really left out...alone with 2 kids at hom...and i just wanted an outlet...i cheated on him in feb 2008.....about the time i conceived my DD.....i never told my DH that i cheated at that time......i went on like she was his...and nothing ever happened.....then last year in november i met my g/f and her b/f (troy).  they needed some where to stay...so they moved in with DH and i.....well....they were here for about 3 months...they moved out to her parents house in april 2010....we didn't talk for about 1 month...then when troy and i started talking the end of may beginning of june.....well..he told me the real reason that he left...he had seen me naked...and he was thinking of me more than his g/f......well....one thing lead to another..and we cheated on our SO.......i thought it was going to be a one time thing...well...it wasn't......(DH had been very mental, physically and emotionally abusive).....i finally came out and told husband that i cheated on him with Troy and also that i had cheated about the time i conceived DD.....he was upset....be he wasn't irrate like i thought he would be....we have been going to counseling since...and working on us....i have completely deleted troy out of my life....and i'm moving on with my marriage.....i made the choice that the grass isn't always greener on the other side....and i don't want to be part of the divorced statistic...........

-mrs.mamma-
by on Dec. 28, 2010 at 9:19 AM

welcome to the group!! I hope you will enjoy it here! it's a really great group!

I'm so sorry to hear about your past. sounds like it's been pretty rough. but like someone else said, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. and I believe that to be SOO true!

it sounds like you guys are just having a rough time. I know my Husband and I seem to have "rollercoasters" sometimes.

maybe just sit down and talk with him. maybe he's just needing someone to talk to? talking about things may make you both feel a lot better. it will help you both get your feelings out there and relieve some of the pressure on yourselves..

aslo, maybe try having some "alone time" for the two of you. have dinner together or watch a movie together..(after the kiddies are in bed of course) and just talk and enjoy each other.

good luck to you hun. feel free to add me as a friend :)
love to chat sometime

Mama2dragon1fae
by on Dec. 28, 2010 at 9:25 AM

if i could delete my ex who i cheated on my boyfriend with out of my life i would, but thats really hard to do with having to children with him now. I am never making the mistake of having sex with him again. I don't want him that way no more. I honestly don't want him in my life at all. I actually think that my kids would do better without him... we went many many years without him in our lives at all. my son with him was 2 years old before the first times he seen him and was 4 the next time then again when he was 5 and finally when he was 6 was he around more but it was an off and on thing when we all moved he went months without calling or seeing him... now our son is 8 and he sees him regularly for the most part but i honestly wish i would not have brought him back in our lives but what is done is done and i can't change it now. 

I am part of the divorce statistics and i really don't mind that I am. it was better to end the marriage I had then for us both to keep living unhappy. it was not a good environment for my boys. And we get along so much better now that we are not together anymore... we have been married for 7 years and split up for the last 3 years of it. we was together for 14 months before hand it was when our son was born when we actually started having problems so it was 2 1/2 years into the marriage we tried working on things for 2 years after that before the final I want a divorce for sure its done happened... and even after that he actually came and lived with me again cuz i was in a car accident and fractured my back. he came to help me out with the kids and try to win me back over but things was still the same and all we did was fight after about a month of him being there and i couldn't take it and kicked him out after a couple of months. We started to get along better after he moved out but it wasn't until this past year we have actually started to get along again and we finally filled for divorce... We have both moved on as well... 

I never wanted to get married again because of my marriage i have had. But being with my boyfriend i feel differently. Like when we was dating at first he knew i didn't want to marry again so he would always ask me if he could keep me forever... then last year we had gotten into it over something i don't know what anymore it wasn't that important it was something petty but he didn't talk to me for a whole day we was in different towns and well he finally talked to me and we was kinda arguing and both was still upset and in the middle of it all he just says will you marry me and without hesitation i said yes... well there has not been an official engagement yet... I don't know if I will ever get that now... i am hoping that when my divorce is done and over that i am still with him and that he will ask me again. 

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