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Love,marriage,the other girl,getting the love back

Posted by on Jan. 3, 2011 at 2:21 PM
  • 11 Replies

For the first 2 years of our marriage my husband and I were doing great. Then I started working and I noticed a change,he was rude,didn't care for my birthday our sons,was on the phone with some little chick that worked for him ALOT etc.

So one day im cleaning around and he had his shoes on my side of the bed so when i reach in to get the socks that he usually leaves in there i find 3 letters. At first I think its our letters from back when we were dating since its in a yellow paper that I used.But when I start reading 2 things go through my mind 1-wow my handwritting has improved! 2- When did i have all these UTIs? finally it clicks,he is cheating on me.

I confront him about it,ofcourse he denies it but when he sees that I am packing up(a few weeks later)he admits to it and fires the girl and tells her to never call again,ofcourse I was still insecured and always paranoid about the whole thing,when I asked why he did it he says"you were at work and i never see you" so i cut my hours back and spent more time with him. and we moved on.

happy happy happy.

December 2009 I give birth to our second baby boy,December 19th 2009 he moves out because he needs "dennis time" when he came home to pick up some stuff his phone goes off and i see that its his friend april and shes like"are you coming?" oh i was PISSED i told him that our son is 17 days old and he is already cheating?! and thats why he moved out? He says no she told him he could move in with her since he moved out. well for one what kid of person does that? i have great guy friends but i do not tell them to move in with me i tell them they need to really try with their wife or gf bc its not fair to them or the kids,you can't just get tired of "playing house" one day and leave and then come back when you want some. So about a week away from us he realized he needs us and can't live without us. Me ofcourse being so hard headed tell him that he is just back because he finally got some from her he swears no and when i sat down with her she said no and she honestly did not see anything wrong but now she does.she apologized and said she wouldnt do it.

Once again we move forward and forget the whole thing. things seem fine until april 2010,he goes outside with our 4 year old and sends me a text that says"i want a divorce" are you kidding me?! so i go outside and ask why 1-why aren't you man enough to tell me to my face,you have to send me a text.2-why and 3-is it because of melissa.

Melissa was my friend.she was there for me when he cheated on me the first time,she took me out to forget about it,she listened and she even called him names and her too. but now she was doing the same.

a week ago(before he asked me for a divorce)I had found a few emails bw him and her,seeriously if you are going to cheat do not give your wife your password and tell hr to check it for you bc your computer isn't working. he was calling her baby she was calling him sweetie they were talking about going to work and making out and she asked him to show her his penis and she said in return she would show him her boobs. etc etc  this started in april and ended in october.

Those 5 months were the worst 5 months of my life. I felt so betrayed because i had welcomed her into my family,she babysat my kids,she held my baby and the new baby. But it was not all her. I  just felt like a piece of crap the man i had loved who i married and who i had chidren with decided that some 20 year old chick who had no experience in life,no worries since she lived with mommy and daddy and had everything handed to her was better than me, me who had worked freaking hard,worked when my doctor told me to go on bedrest and went back to work a week and ahalf after my csection because for some reaosn his checks were short,i later found out he was spending money on booze and trips to the casino with the chick april. while he was dating this girl melissa he got a DUI. she had the nerve to come tell me but i said well you get him out and slammed the door in her face. he called her to get him out she said no,so the next morning i waited till noon and then told his mom that her son was in jail and she might want to get him because i wasnt.

When she saw how hard real life is she ran away,told him she wanted her fiance(who was dh best friend)and that he should try harder with  me. ofcourse he listened to her but not to me. the whole time i told him this was a test.I told him if we could get through this we could get through anything.

We tried counseling and he recorded our sessions and would send them back to her....but the counselor was kinda shady,she was telling me"i dont like your husband you need to leave him" and then she would tell him"well you guys just arent meant to be together you should leave her" but then she would tell me to keep on trying...yea we never went back to her

we went to our pastor and he blamed me. he said me working was a punishement because i should be a sahm. that dennis was weak and i should forgive him for everything and never hold him who is?

so here we are. we celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary on the 3rd of December. Even though it has been extremely hard we are making it work. This last time he told me things and actually apologized for every single thing he has done wrong.

My friend says im crazy and stupid for taking him back once again but like i told her,we belong together,i know it in my heart and i guess maybe i am crazy.But i love him and will try to make it work. Right now we are happier than we have ever been its like we are on our 2nd honeymoon. yes part of me is still scared that this is all too good to be true,and part of me tells me to loosen up a bit and the other part tells me to not let him do it again. I told him if i find out he is cheating i will not even tell him i know,i will contnue on as i things are ok and come payday i will empty our bank accounts,load up the kids and head down south.

Every night I pray that our lives stay like this if not better!!

All the ladies that have been through similar situations,what do you do?how do you move on?

by on Jan. 3, 2011 at 2:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Jan. 3, 2011 at 2:32 PM


by on Jan. 3, 2011 at 3:09 PM

if your happy just go day buy day!!!!

by on Jan. 3, 2011 at 3:40 PM

Yeah your pastor didn't help things any either.  What the two of you need to do is keep the lines of communication open. When hubby is feeling neglected he needs to tell you and ask you for what he wants and you have to tell him what you want and need.  Marriage is about compromise as much as understanding each other.

by on Jan. 3, 2011 at 3:50 PM


Quoting Love2BaMom77:

Yeah your pastor didn't help things any either.  What the two of you need to do is keep the lines of communication open. When hubby is feeling neglected he needs to tell you and ask you for what he wants and you have to tell him what you want and need.  Marriage is about compromise as much as understanding each other.

by on Jan. 3, 2011 at 4:00 PM

Yea our pastor did not help,so we just did not go back. I have always told him what I wanted and what I need,but I have seen him acting like his dad and he himself told me he is going to be like him,his dad is very quiet in the 5 yrs we have been married,we have maybe talked a whole paragraph.I know my MIL left him 3 years ago because of it,lack of communication.

by on Jan. 3, 2011 at 4:12 PM

 Wow..... I'm starting to think you are crazy LOL. Just kidding. Anyways I think that if you really love someone by all means try to work it out. But the person has to love you back. I think that if you are both ready to try and make your marriage work things will turn around. But i don't know girl he sounds really shady to me. It sounds like he does what he wants because he feels like he can get away with it. He messes up then apologizes and things are back to normal. He needs to get his priorities straight. You and the kids need to come first. Not him!!! I hope things work for you guys. You sound like you do love him a lot but you gotta ask yourself does he really love you? I've been thru hell and back w/ DH. I've asked myself these same questions and beleive me i've been in some similar situations. We decided to try and make this marriage work because we both love eachother very much. We've been together for 14 yrs this febuary. Married for 6. I think you need to get a new preacher or church that didn't sound like good advise to me. He literally blamed you and that's not right. All in all you know what's best for you no one else. Hope things stay going smooth.

by on Jan. 3, 2011 at 4:45 PM

WOW is all I can say. You sound like you have been to hell and back. I have no adivice since I have never been in this situation. You seem to be a very strong woman, you and only you know what is best for you and your family. I wish you the best of luck. Oh I also agree you need a different church and pastor .

by on Jan. 3, 2011 at 6:49 PM

Wow. I hope he remains faithful from now on...

I would forgive once...depending on the severity of the situation. I would NOT forgive twice for the same thing though.

Oh, and that was horrible advice from that councelor and...where the heck did you find THAT pastor. That was a horrible thing of him to say.

by on Jan. 3, 2011 at 7:55 PM

Glad to know im not the only one who thinks the pastor was wrong,he was in his deep"im leaving bc melissa is the best"mode and could not see it.

Then I was like"maybe i am being too sensitive"but then i realized heck no im not. its like blaming  someone for something that happened to them,

by on Jan. 3, 2011 at 7:59 PM

Wow!  You have a lot to overcome.  What will keep him from straying this time that didn't keep him from it all of the other times?  I hope and pray for your sake and your kids that he really means that he is going to get it together and changes.

Oh, and btw the pastor and the counselor were both wacky!

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