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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Why would he pick marijuana over his wife??

I don't remember if I posted the first post about this in this group or not, so I'll run through it real quick again.

My friend left her hubby a couple of weeks ago because she had caught him for the 4th or 5th time smoking weed. She had made it very clear that she did not want anything like that to be a part of their married life together, and he "agreed" to it. He promised every time that he would change. Well this past time he promised her that he would stop forever and to please come home because he loved her, yadda yadda. So reluctantly, she did. She told him that they needed to do counseling...and the whole nine yards. And she reiterated that if she caught him again she would leave for good.

Well she called me today and she told me how good she thought he was doing, and she really hoped he would stick to his word this time. Then an hour later she called me back and told me she caught him again!!! 8 days. It had only been 8 days and he just HAD to smoke again. She left. For good.

I don't know what his problem is. I know he loves her, I have known them both since we were in junior high. I thought weed wasn't addictive?? Would he really rather smoke weed than be with his wife? I really don't get it... They have been together since they were 14...


by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 12:44 AM
Replies (11-20):
stuswf
by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 1:12 AM
I can tell you from prior experience it will happen again & again (if she takes him back)!!!! My daughters father always said he would quit. 12+ years later w were divorced because he couldn't keep his promises! Now he's been making those same promises 12+ years more to our daughter (who will be 21 in March).
after so many years it's like it's oxygen or something to them! IMO she did the right thing. My ex still tells me he loves me & he's sorry for all the hurt he caused me, that may be so, but could never go back to living with it ever again!!
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LovelyMother88
by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 1:18 AM

yeah, he smoked when they were younger and in high school. But she thought that he had quit for years before they got married. She told him she didn't want to marry him if that was going to be a part of his life, and he said it wasn't. So it was HIS bad. And he isn't responsible enough to use it without letting it effect his life. He has already lost one job because of a failed drug test. His own dad had to fire him. That's one of the main reasons it bothers her so bad...he was an idiot and lost a job that they really needed. So now she has NO tolerance.


Quoting Rwive:

WEEEEDDD thumbs up for PAkalolo!! lol  OKai Im sorry I should behave, but I am on his side, except if did she meet him after he started smoking or he just recently started?? Because I totally understand that in America Marihuana is illegal, but is such a relieve, I dont smoke but I had drank te's before for pain, I wanted to go natural and it was the only thing that helped me eat and sleep. Maybe he has something else going on, or maybe he just like it, His job is stresfull? is he sick? any pain? Depression? If she met him when he already was using Weed as a relief, than Sorry but she knew what she was gettin into, now if he recently started, well people changes, and sometimes there is things that there is not agreement into, so I would say if he wants to smoke, he can do it on his own, without affecting his finances, job and obviously not at the house cause of the kids, and make sure he brushes his teeth before he comes around. Thats such a tought decision Weed or Wife? Im glad Im not a man..lol



stuswf
by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 1:19 AM
I LOVED the part where you said your kids come before your DH!!! I have told my DH that & he says I'm 'the only woman who would sa that, it's just you'! I believe a mothers love is bigger than her & the world! Rock on mama!!


Quoting mommy_carrillo:

I went through the same thing with my DH. I don't know for sure if it is addicting but I know it was really hard for him to quit. I finally told him I am not going to risk losing my kids for anyone including him and him he didn't quit he would be gone for good. Love him or not my kids come before anyone including my DH. He did admit to doing it while he went hunting in November and I am still pissed but he passed a drug test so its kinda hard to be that upset. I am sorry for your friend. Hopefully he will change for her and their kids. Good luck to your friend and good for her for sticking to her word.

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jessi217
by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 1:26 AM

DH and I both smoked weed for years, before we met and for the first 4 years of our relationship. We actually quit completely just a few months ago because we really can't afford it right now, and a lot of the jobs he has applied for require drug screening. I have no problem with pot; I would rather someone I love smoke weed than drink alcohol. It is much milder and much less addictive. That said, some people have an addictive personality. Anything you really like but could, and maybe should, live without can be considered an addiction. I am 50 lbs overweight because I can't say no to eating more than I need. Am I addicted to food? Possibly. I think it is all a matter of willpower. Obviously this guy has no willpower or doesn't care enough about his wife to quit smoking something that is nice, yes, but not more important than his relationship should be. That's pretty sad. :(

charliebean
by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 2:52 AM

That's sad. It's pathetic how addicted potheads are to their weed, but everyone thinks it's not addictive. It MUST be if people are willing to break up their families over it. That's part of the reason STBXH and I are divorcing.

charliebean
by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 2:57 AM


Quoting Rwive:

WEEEEDDD thumbs up for PAkalolo!! lol  OKai Im sorry I should behave, but I am on his side, except if did she meet him after he started smoking or he just recently started?? Because I totally understand that in America Marihuana is illegal, but is such a relieve, I dont smoke but I had drank te's before for pain, I wanted to go natural and it was the only thing that helped me eat and sleep. Maybe he has something else going on, or maybe he just like it, His job is stresfull? is he sick? any pain? Depression? If she met him when he already was using Weed as a relief, than Sorry but she knew what she was gettin into, now if he recently started, well people changes, and sometimes there is things that there is not agreement into, so I would say if he wants to smoke, he can do it on his own, without affecting his finances, job and obviously not at the house cause of the kids, and make sure he brushes his teeth before he comes around. Thats such a tought decision Weed or Wife? Im glad Im not a man..lol

..........Seriously?




prinzesa_edith
by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 3:30 AM
Well that makes a big diffrence, I'm glad for her that she kept her word. Its one thing to smoke to destress at night and chill every once in a while, but to let it get in the way of relationships and loose jobs is not right, its immature and disrespectful.

Quoting LovelyMother88:

yeah, he smoked when they were younger and in high school. But she thought that he had quit for years before they got married. She told him she didn't want to marry him if that was going to be a part of his life, and he said it wasn't. So it was HIS bad. And he isn't responsible enough to use it without letting it effect his life. He has already lost one job because of a failed drug test. His own dad had to fire him. That's one of the main reasons it bothers her so bad...he was an idiot and lost a job that they really needed. So now she has NO tolerance.


Quoting Rwive:

WEEEEDDD thumbs up for PAkalolo!! lol  OKai Im sorry I should behave, but I am on his side, except if did she meet him after he started smoking or he just recently started?? Because I totally understand that in America Marihuana is illegal, but is such a relieve, I dont smoke but I had drank te's before for pain, I wanted to go natural and it was the only thing that helped me eat and sleep. Maybe he has something else going on, or maybe he just like it, His job is stresfull? is he sick? any pain? Depression? If she met him when he already was using Weed as a relief, than Sorry but she knew what she was gettin into, now if he recently started, well people changes, and sometimes there is things that there is not agreement into, so I would say if he wants to smoke, he can do it on his own, without affecting his finances, job and obviously not at the house cause of the kids, and make sure he brushes his teeth before he comes around. Thats such a tought decision Weed or Wife? Im glad Im not a man..lol


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spainsblueangel
by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 4:15 AM

i know first hand about this! my hubby has always smoked weed scent i meet him and i always wanted him to stop and he would try for me but he could never stay off if for too long because he has depression and a bad back to he told me that weed made him feel better and honestly i could see a defence when he was on weed and when he wasn't. Lucky now I'm more OK with it now that he is a Medical Marijuana patient so it not as bad as when he wasn't but i still hate the fact that he needs it to be happy but i rather him he happy than be depressed or in pain.

EireLass
by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 8:20 AM

I think you're missing a big part of it. You're 2nd paragraph is very telling about their relationship. She is not acting the partner/wife....she is acting the mother/boss. 

LovelyMother88
by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 12:12 PM

hmm...I didn't get that at all from their relationship. If my husband ever chose a drug over me I would leave too.

Quoting EireLass:

I think you're missing a big part of it. You're 2nd paragraph is very telling about their relationship. She is not acting the partner/wife....she is acting the mother/boss. 



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