how does one truly know when to get a divorce?
I think it's a gut thing. Some people knew going into a marriage it just wasn't going to work, but they were in denial. Others don't see it coming. Others stay in a loveless marriage for their kids. You just have to do what you feel is best for you.
That's a good point. I think you have to know your core values and what your boundaries are. Abuse and infidelity are mine, but even so, I think there's wiggle room, depending on how each term is defined.
Quoting BiloxiDreams:We've considered it twice but in the end we don't believe in divorce unless there is abuse. I am SO glad we stuck to our beliefs because I have an amazing marriage now!
I would never even consider divorce unless there was abuse/cheating invovled and/or I felt I had completely exhausted all of my efforts to help my marriage. cause you can't make a marriage work on your own..yes, sometimes I believe we have to carry each other sometimes...but when you're completely on your own..and the other party has almost checked out on you already..it's a lost cause.
until then...try. you get out of a marriage what you put into it. try everything under the sun before you give up.
good luck to you, hun.
This is how I feel, too. I've considered divorce a couple of times in the last few years. We're working our asses off to get to a better place. Once I knew I could live either way, I put everything on the table for him over lunch one day just over a year ago & left it up to him. I was actually surprised to see he was surprised that I was ready to leave (men really are so unperceptive). After that I told him, okay, if you want to stay and make this work, then this is what I need from you... Then I asked him to think about what he wanted me to change, too. I think, for him, knowing I didn't expect all the changing to come from him helped some. I've been careful to keep my emotions in check while discussing things with him (no yelling matches). It's still a work in progress, but at least we're moving now and not sitting stagnant. I really felt like I was going to shrivel up and die of lonliness when we had that first big talk.
Quoting SlightlyPerfect:That's a good point. I think you have to know your core values and what your boundaries are. Abuse and infidelity are mine, but even so, I think there's wiggle room, depending on how each term is defined.
Quoting BiloxiDreams:We've considered it twice but in the end we don't believe in divorce unless there is abuse. I am SO glad we stuck to our beliefs because I have an amazing marriage now!
How long did it take you to...?
- lonely2011
on Jan. 4, 2011 at 5:03 AM