stay married or get a divorce?????

[lonely2011]

how does one truly know when to get a divorce?

[WolfMotherof4]

I don't think so!! I've thought the same thing with my marriage. Tryin to live one day at a time! 

[LO2inVE]

You'll know When you tried just about everything to make your marriage work and its just not getting any better and there are no changes being made between the two. I would say don't consider a divorce until you have both tried going to marriage counseling.

[MrsNewman]

i'v you'v tried everything and still can't seem to make it work. 

[BiloxiDreams]

We've considered it twice but in the end we don't believe in divorce unless there is abuse.  I am SO glad we stuck to our beliefs because I have an amazing marriage now!

[chaosiskey]

i think that if it becomes too much work to make each other happy then  maybe its beyond repair...

[wisegal]

BUMP!

[SlightlyPerfect]

I think it's a gut thing. Some people knew going into a marriage it just wasn't going to work, but they were in denial. Others don't see it coming.  Others stay in a loveless marriage for their kids. You just have to do what you feel is best for you.

[SlightlyPerfect]

That's a good point. I think you have to know your core values and what your boundaries are. Abuse and infidelity are mine, but even so, I think there's wiggle room, depending on how each term is defined.

Quoting BiloxiDreams:

We've considered it twice but in the end we don't believe in divorce unless there is abuse.  I am SO glad we stuck to our beliefs because I have an amazing marriage now!

[-mrs.mamma-]

I would never even consider divorce unless there was abuse/cheating invovled and/or I felt I had completely exhausted all of my efforts to help my marriage. cause you can't make a marriage work on your own..yes, sometimes I believe we have to carry each other sometimes...but when you're completely on your own..and the other party has almost checked out on you already..it's a lost cause.

until then...try. you get out of a marriage what you put into it. try everything under the sun before you give up.

good luck to you, hun.

[CrunchyCarol]

This is how I feel, too. I've considered divorce a couple of times in the last few years. We're working our asses off to get to a better place. Once I knew I could live either way, I put everything on the table for him over lunch one day just over a year ago & left it up to him. I was actually surprised to see he was surprised that I was ready to leave (men really are so unperceptive). After that I told him, okay, if you want to stay and make this work, then this is what I need from you... Then I asked him to think about what he wanted me to change, too. I think, for him, knowing I didn't expect all the changing to come from him helped some. I've been careful to keep my emotions in check while discussing things with him (no yelling matches). It's still a work in progress, but at least we're moving now and not sitting stagnant. I really felt like I was going to shrivel up and die of lonliness when we had that first big talk.

Quoting SlightlyPerfect:

That's a good point. I think you have to know your core values and what your boundaries are. Abuse and infidelity are mine, but even so, I think there's wiggle room, depending on how each term is defined.

Quoting BiloxiDreams:

We've considered it twice but in the end we don't believe in divorce unless there is abuse.  I am SO glad we stuck to our beliefs because I have an amazing marriage now!