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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

We are selfish... and that's ok

SlightlyPerfect
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I am so spoiled.
Today at 10:46 AM
Posted by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 8:49 AM
  • 15 Replies

DH and I are selfish people. We put our relationship first.

Does anyone else do this?

To us, it is the only thing that makes sense. We are the foundation of our family. Our family is only as strong as our relationship. If we put everyone else first, we end up abandoning our own needs, and thus the foundation of our family will weaken.

But I know a lot of people to chide us constantly for this. Not in practice, mind you, because they always tell us what good parents we are and how happy we are, but in conversation they'll mention how putting your relationship before your children is wrong. I mean, if they mean it as having sex with one another while our sick child cries in her bedroom alone and scared, well, no, that's not what we mean when we say putting our relationship first.

But we can't give what we don't have. We need to replenish one another in order to be the best to one another and our daughter.

Does anyone else go through this? How do you combat this thought that altruism is necessary for family happiness and stability?

by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 8:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
kjbugsmom1517
by Bronze Member on Jan. 4, 2011 at 8:54 AM
I think ur way of thinking is perfect! We put our relationship at the top too. The way I look at it is if we r always puttin our kids first they suffer as adults. Not only that but u start to not know ur spouse and when the kids r gone what's left? The foundation wasn't built. We use to put our kids first and in my oldes it shows. But we learned we needed to put our relationship at the top. We have come along ways in this realization. U won't regret it later on. Let those people be skeptical but it works. All the relationship books even say it.
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Melissa6705
by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 8:57 AM
I so agree. The people that say oh I put my children above everything and they put their DH on the back will be looking at a stranger or a divorce when their children move out.

Quoting kjbugsmom1517:

I think ur way of thinking is perfect! We put our relationship at the top too. The way I look at it is if we r always puttin our kids first they suffer as adults. Not only that but u start to not know ur spouse and when the kids r gone what's left? The foundation wasn't built. We use to put our kids first and in my oldes it shows. But we learned we needed to put our relationship at the top. We have come along ways in this realization. U won't regret it later on. Let those people be skeptical but it works. All the relationship books even say it.
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Mommy2BeAt15
by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 8:59 AM
That's what ur suppose to do, but a lot of people don't realize it. When I'm single all my time goes to my son. When I was in my last relationship with my XF. Everyone was like u don't spend as much time with him, ur with X a lot. It something u just have to ignore. GL and I'm happy yal no one of the main keys to making a marriage work.
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heybooboo
by Bronze Member on Jan. 4, 2011 at 9:03 AM

I agree, putting your marriage first allows for a happy healthy family dynamic. 

DessC
by Member on Jan. 4, 2011 at 9:27 AM

 DH and I have found a happy balance between our children and our relationship

booksrme
by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 11:08 AM

I agree.

BiloxiDreams
by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 11:24 AM

We do to.  I used to be very confused on who to put first, my husband or my children.  During  a women's Bible study we picked up a book and on of the pieces of advice in there was putting the marriage first.  We can give our children an amazing gift by showing them what a healthy, loving relationship looks like.  We also are able to keep the famiy whole.  My kids do not go without our love and attention but they also know that they can't get in the way of us spending time with each other.

SlightlyPerfect
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I am so spoiled.
Today at 10:46 AM
by Slightly Perfect on Jan. 4, 2011 at 11:46 AM

Thanks, ladies. It's so difficult when we're having a conversation with someone about this, and they're saying it's so important to put your kids first. And, yes, that's true, but really, I think it's an unnecessary sacrifice to take away from your relationship unless your child really needs that attention that you'd otherwise devote to your partner. I just don't know many people in life who see it that way.

Char.965
by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 11:50 AM

We are that way also. We are teaching our children what  a good healthy relationship is like. We lead by example. Our kids see us kiss and hug each other everyday. They see us laugh with each other and talk together. We haven't argued in years but, that doesn't me we don't disagree with each other. We just talk things out. They see this and know it is how it should be. It shows that we really do love each other. We care to take the time to be each others friend and lover.

kathyartist2007
by Bronze Member on Jan. 4, 2011 at 11:50 AM

Putting your marriage first shows your children that you are a unit and that your deep love and respect for each other is the foundation of your family. 

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