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We are selfish... and that's ok

DH and I are selfish people. We put our relationship first.

Does anyone else do this?

To us, it is the only thing that makes sense. We are the foundation of our family. Our family is only as strong as our relationship. If we put everyone else first, we end up abandoning our own needs, and thus the foundation of our family will weaken.

But I know a lot of people to chide us constantly for this. Not in practice, mind you, because they always tell us what good parents we are and how happy we are, but in conversation they'll mention how putting your relationship before your children is wrong. I mean, if they mean it as having sex with one another while our sick child cries in her bedroom alone and scared, well, no, that's not what we mean when we say putting our relationship first.

But we can't give what we don't have. We need to replenish one another in order to be the best to one another and our daughter.

Does anyone else go through this? How do you combat this thought that altruism is necessary for family happiness and stability?

by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 8:49 AM
Replies (11-15):
by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 11:52 AM
i can see putting my husband and my needs before my children... they mean the world to me.. my husband and i get along just fine we don't really fight alot.. we do get out at least 3 times a month.. we go to dinner and a movie or we just sit and talk... i can't afford a babysit to go out alot and spend time just me and my hubby .i rather do a family thing together
by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 12:17 PM
I don't see why people feel they have to make a choice. For us, our whole family is first. Our daughters needs come before our own, because obviously it is our job as parents to provide what she needs above ourselves. Our needs come before her "wants." Who "comes first" is ever changing depending on the circumstances. Our marriage is absolutely a top priority, just like our daughter's wellbeing and happiness.
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by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 12:33 PM

 When a person is married. Their spouse should always come first in their life. However not everyone does that

by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 1:12 PM

Yep, the foundation has to come first. We only just realized in the last couple years just how much so. Now we are truly trying to strengthen that foundation. I don't want to be left with someone I barely know anymore, much less like, when our kids are grown and gone. We're even talking about a short vacation, just the two of us, next year. (this year will be a family vacation) It will be the first time since our honeymoon almost 15 years ago that we will be away just the two of us for longer than an evening.

Good for you for having your heads on straight! I'm sure your kids will thank you for it one day.

by on Jan. 4, 2011 at 2:08 PM

I agree with putting your relationship first.  I was talking to a pastor's wife one day about relationships, etc and she pointed out that in the bible it says that God comes first, your spouse second, and your children after.  She told me that if you and your spouse don't have a happy, healthy marriage the foundation of your family is at jeopardy. 

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