My husband and I have been married for 19 years ( as of 12/28/10). We have three beautiful children ( 13,10,8). A little over a year ago, he told me he was having a hard time and not enjoying our marriage. I can't say I was happy either but we both grew up in Christian homes and divorce had never been and option. Now, he was making it an option. So last year on our anniversary ( 2009), he told me that he was choosing us and wanted to make our marriage work. Then, in March he got a new job and started traveling. After one of these business trips he cam home and told me that he doesn't love me, didn't miss me and didn't even want to come home to me. Then he said he had connected with another woman and they kissed. I was really hurt and furious! Then he proceeded to tell me that when he said he chose us, it was a lie because he had already told himself that he was done!
We have been communicating and working through some things this last year but it has been like living in hell at times. He goes through cycles, like for 2-3 weeks, he is actually trying and things seem to be getting better then for 2 weeks, he is cold as ice. We've both admitted to mistakes that got us to where we are. I am making changes and moving in a positive direction for my life.
Well, right before Thanksgiving, I found out that he had sex with this other woman! That REALLY got me. I still really love him, he has started counseling and we have gone together once. It hurts so much because I still care for him deeply and I'm getting little to nothing back.
As a Christian, I am praying and asking God to speak to both of us and show us what is best. How long do I wait? How much more of this do I walk through until enough is enough. I could see our marriage being saved and becoming something great IF he was willing to work on it with me - but I'm not sure of that. Sorry this is so long, but I'm not sure where else to turn!
Update : Ladies, thanks for all the advice and hugs. I continued talking to my DH, he finally told me that he loves me as a friend but just doesn't see our marriage working out. So, he wants to help the kids and I out financially and is still very concerned about our welfare. We will be getting a divorce, and I'm ok with that now ( I will be free to find someone that will treat me with love and respect). Until things are final, we are preparing to make the smoothest transition possible for each other and the kids. We are working at maintaining a friendship and are seeing a counselor. As a Christian,I know this isn't God's best but He will not force His will onto someone that doesn't want to listen. Since the decision, hubby and I have been getting along better and still having meaningful talks. I know I have a long, challenging road of change ahead but I am trusting God to make something beautiful out of this mess!