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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I'm not even really sure how to say this, but I hate sex. I have never gotten close to the "O" with my hubby or the other 2 guys I have been with. I don't like oral and not like straight sex either. I recently discovered that if he sucks on my nipples gently it helps, but not much, and now he is getting WAY to aggressive and hurting me, so now I don't want him to do that either. He always acts like I personally offended him if I don't get off, so I fake it, but I don't even know what I am faking. I tried talking to my 2 different Dr's but both of them said that I was pregnant it would get better, or that I had just had a baby and it would get better, I tried telling them that I had this problem before I got pregnant with my oldest, and now my youngest is 16 months and sex feels more like a chore than anything else and I don't know what do to about it. I have tried talking to hubby about it and he just tells me that I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and do something about it.

I don't even know if I am asking a question or venting, but maybe you all might have some ideas or suggestions??

I have tried oils and creams and we have talked about even trying some very mild bondage type things, but never have mainly because we haven't had the money for it. I'm just tired of having one more "chore" on my list that if it doesn't get done someone is upset. I was reading a post in another group and one lady said the more you have it the better it gets, but before I got pregnant with my oldest we would have it 2 or 3 times A DAY and it still never did anything for me, it was just new and exciting (My hubby was my first)...

I will stop rambling now :) I just don't know what to do.


So last night I had a nice long talk with hubby and told him what was going on and that the reason why I'm never interested is because I have never "gotten off" and that I want to figure out how to fix it, because I do want to enjoy it and I don't like feeling like it is a chore. First his comment was "Well no wonder your never interested" then he said he wished I had told him before now and not lied to him about, and I was pretty good at faking cause he could have swore he was getting me there. It was good to finally talk to him about it, but I am not sure he understands how hard this is for me, because this morning the first thing he said is "where you serious about what you said last night"
 umm, well duh... But he said that he would do whatever it takes to fix this, as long as I can wait, or work with him over the money issue.

I want to thank all of you that gave advice and ideas on different things to do, I really appreciate it! I didn't know that anyone cared about my lack of sex life enough to comment on it:)

by on Jan. 5, 2011 at 11:11 AM
Replies (61-70):
Ladybugmama86
by on Jan. 6, 2011 at 2:57 PM

I will have to look into this! I love to read, and the more they make my stomach curl the better:) I was reading some of the previews I will def. try to get some of them. Thanks

Quoting CrunchyCarol:

Do you like to read? Check out the author Nalini Singh. Her books (love the Psy-Changeling series!) have me practically TACKLING my hubby! I also totally agree with self-exploration as well as a pp's suggestion of a good long oral session. If he can be patient & really take his time & not just go through the motions, you will eventually relax & find that perfect spot. Make sure you have some good music on, too. It doesn't have to be neccessarily "romantic" music. Some of our best sex is to some good, hard rock! Whatever gets you feeling good. Don't be afraid to communicate, either. I use to think I was going to offend him, that maybe he would think I was being too bossy in bed if I told him what I wanted, but that just is not the case. The biggest hurdle is to relax and let your mind go!


sherriemorgan
by on Jan. 6, 2011 at 3:01 PM

 You need to get mentally stimualted before you get it physically. and try masterbation, once you know yourself, it will get easier, try not to think about the act, just think about being with your SO, try porn, it will help you ( maybe), and if everything fails, go to a sex therapist.

Ladybugmama86
by on Jan. 6, 2011 at 3:05 PM

Thanks, although porn doesn't do it for me... or maybe I need something different.

Quoting sherriemorgan:

 You need to get mentally stimualted before you get it physically. and try masterbation, once you know yourself, it will get easier, try not to think about the act, just think about being with your SO, try porn, it will help you ( maybe), and if everything fails, go to a sex therapist.


mollysmom212
by on Jan. 7, 2011 at 1:40 AM

were u the first for your husband?...can u make urself feel good?

tinkerspell
by on Jan. 7, 2011 at 1:52 AM


Quoting maybaby22:

I agree that you need to learn about your body and self stimulation.

Also, you may just have a very very low libido. There is medication for it if it came to that but you may also need some counseling. Maybe there is an underlying reason you don't enjoy sex.  Also, look up Dr. Laura Berman she is on Oprah and is a sex therapist. I know she has a few books out.

I'm sorry you are going through this!


i used to be that way and then i worked through my problems where you ever sexually abused or touched the wrong way while growing up they can stop you from achieving the big "O"

Ladybugmama86
by on Jan. 7, 2011 at 10:08 AM

Haha... Noooooo... He was in the marines and has had sex with someone in almost every country... and we was previously married also.

Quoting mollysmom212:

were u the first for your husband?...can u make urself feel good?


Ladybugmama86
by on Jan. 7, 2011 at 10:09 AM

No I wasn't, and no I can't self stimulate, don't know how, or how to figure out how to figure that out.

Quoting tinkerspell:


Quoting maybaby22:

I agree that you need to learn about your body and self stimulation.

Also, you may just have a very very low libido. There is medication for it if it came to that but you may also need some counseling. Maybe there is an underlying reason you don't enjoy sex.  Also, look up Dr. Laura Berman she is on Oprah and is a sex therapist. I know she has a few books out.

I'm sorry you are going through this!


i used to be that way and then i worked through my problems where you ever sexually abused or touched the wrong way while growing up they can stop you from achieving the big "O"


Elizabethmo2
by on Jan. 7, 2011 at 11:18 AM

"I want to thank all of you that gave advice and ideas on different things to do, I really appreciate it! I didn't know that anyone cared about my lack of sex life enough to comment on it:)"

I think its because we have all been there where its been hard right now for me its fitting it in when I am tired... but shoot we all want to enjoy it and if we have things that would help you then my all means :)honestly though blindfolded and him doing whatever and you don't see it coming is a good start point so you don't have to worry about money on that part so anyhow hun good luck with everything I hope you finally get your real "O" lol

Elizabethmo2
by on Jan. 7, 2011 at 11:20 AM


Quoting Ladybugmama86:

No I wasn't, and no I can't self stimulate, don't know how, or how to figure out how to figure that out.  Seriously though that book I told you to get teaches you all of that!! Its crazy I think even the most experianced would learn something from it...

Quoting tinkerspell:

 

Quoting maybaby22:

I agree that you need to learn about your body and self stimulation.

Also, you may just have a very very low libido. There is medication for it if it came to that but you may also need some counseling. Maybe there is an underlying reason you don't enjoy sex.  Also, look up Dr. Laura Berman she is on Oprah and is a sex therapist. I know she has a few books out.

I'm sorry you are going through this!

 

i used to be that way and then i worked through my problems where you ever sexually abused or touched the wrong way while growing up they can stop you from achieving the big "O"

 


EddiesGirl8400
by on Jan. 7, 2011 at 11:35 AM
Bump! Im glad so many responded to your post. I have a hard time getting to the point of wanting it because I too was taught sex is bad, taboo...but once I let myself go itsgreat. Good advise from all he ladies!
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