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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I am not apealling to him anymore...*cries* PIOG

Posted by on Jan. 7, 2011 at 7:48 AM
  • 18 Replies

After 11 years....DH doesnt find me remotely appealing anymore and it kills me.

I dont know what to do , but the smallest part of me is angry....the rest is really hurt and saddened.

DH and I have let ourselves go since we first met, but I still love him and want him intimately. His personality has changed DRASTICALLY since we met, but it was expected since his father was the exact same way. I knew this pretty early on in our relationship and accepted it.

When I diet he turns into a Nazi practically cataloging everything I eat and do. Its horrible. If I were to diet again...I would have to do it in secret.

I just feel lost. Divorce is not an option...its not even something that has been discussed, so our marriage will remain. Just an FYI.

I just feel like it shouldnt be this way. I feel like maybe the fact that I fight for my beliefs so much that he is tired of it always being against his own. Not caring that I might be tired of his constant rambling about negative issues.Its stupid mundane stuff like work and other family members.

I just want him to want me back....*cries*

We havent had sex or affections towards each other in 4 months. He used to grab my butt or my boob from time to time or do some other cute "I want sex" show of affection during the course of the day when he was in the mood. Now nothing...I get a lot of negative remarks now instead....

Thanks for listening/reading...

~Michelle

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by on Jan. 7, 2011 at 7:48 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ShannaBee
by on Jan. 7, 2011 at 7:59 AM
Tell him how he makes you feel. He needs to know it hurts. Tell him this is you and he's gonna have to accept you for who you are. To help with your self esteem do a makeover. Get a new cut or style or try a new haircolor. By a new shade of eyeshadow or lipstick. Buy a new outfit. Realize you are beautiful. Have you ever initiated sex?
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Wish2Be
by on Jan. 7, 2011 at 8:16 AM

 

Quoting ShannaBee:

Tell him how he makes you feel. He needs to know it hurts. Tell him this is you and he's gonna have to accept you for who you are. To help with your self esteem do a makeover. Get a new cut or style or try a new haircolor. By a new shade of eyeshadow or lipstick. Buy a new outfit. Realize you are beautiful. Have you ever initiated sex?

 I was thinking about getting my hair cut in a month for my birthday....

As for me initiating sex....all the time. I tell him at least every 2-3 days " I miss you ". its kinda hard to have sex in our house. Our MIL lives with us and DS sleeps in our room. We have to hide and do it quickly....its been this way since DS was born. Its kinda something we have to agree on and then try and figure out a way to do it.

~ Michelle

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Ohio.SAHMof2
by on Jan. 7, 2011 at 8:26 AM

 Sounds like to me you guys are in a hard place right now and I'm sorry about that. How long is your MIL going to be living with you if I may ask. I know sometimes with multiple stressers sometimes a marriage does suffer a bit. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I hope it turns out better. I also think if you cannot love yourself or THINK you are sexy this effects yourself AND your partner. I've noticed sometimes I get down on myself and DH notices these things. Have you though about treating yourself to something like a hair cut, your hair dyed or something of the sort? Maybe one night put some make up, do your hair and wear some sex lengerie (sp) JUST a thought. If you need to vent to soemone I'm here:)

Wish2Be
by on Jan. 7, 2011 at 8:30 AM

 

Quoting Ohio.SAHMof2:

 Sounds like to me you guys are in a hard place right now and I'm sorry about that. How long is your MIL going to be living with you if I may ask. I know sometimes with multiple stressers sometimes a marriage does suffer a bit. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I hope it turns out better. I also think if you cannot love yourself or THINK you are sexy this effects yourself AND your partner. I've noticed sometimes I get down on myself and DH notices these things. Have you though about treating yourself to something like a hair cut, your hair dyed or something of the sort? Maybe one night put some make up, do your hair and wear some sex lengerie (sp) JUST a thought. If you need to vent to soemone I'm here:)

 Thank you. MIL said she will live with us until/if we decide to have a 2nd child. She takes care of DS all day while we are at work.  She could live with us forever.

As for feeling sexy. I have never in my life ever felt sexy....my parents were very emotionally abusive to me my entire life and I fear its had a terrible effect on how I feel about myself. Its never been problematic for DH and I before though.

I will get my hair cut in about a month for my birthday. I have been trying to grow it out long enough for my 5th donation to Locks of Love. DH HATES make up...I kinda do to...so I try  not to wear it, but I know what ya mean.

Thanks  !

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lapcounter
by Gold Member on Jan. 7, 2011 at 8:31 AM
Are you sure he is not having an affair? It sounds like he might be with some of the stuff he is saying and doing. Have you ever just gotten dressed up out of the blue and suggested a date? I hope it all works out for you.
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Wish2Be
by on Jan. 7, 2011 at 8:34 AM

 

Quoting lapcounter:

Are you sure he is not having an affair? It sounds like he might be with some of the stuff he is saying and doing. Have you ever just gotten dressed up out of the blue and suggested a date? I hope it all works out for you.

 Definitely not having an affair. :)

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Lottie925
by on Jan. 7, 2011 at 9:03 AM

OK, first of all A. I'm sorry and B. Take a deep breath. Realize that all is not lost. But also realize, while you may need to lose weight for your health and overall self esteem... that will not solve all of your problems. Think... when your 65+ losing some weight will not solve marriage problems. Most of us are not super hot at 65+.  You probably need to go to counseling. You shouldn't want to go on a diet but have to do it in secret. Marriages go through ups and downs and you're not always going to be super hot for each other. I would encourage you to get to the gym and change your eating habits to help yourself. To get you feeling better and more energetic. THEN also set up a t date night for you and hubby (babysitter etc.) - even an overnight if possible! Remember you are in a really tough spot and it's time to make sacrifices to get back on track.

I would contact a relationship counselor and see where to go from there. Hopefully he would agree to go. Let him know you're going on a diet but it's something you are doing for yourself and you don't want his input (in a nice way). I got mad at my DH after I asked him to help me... and he was too enthusiastic. lol I ASKED for the help. But it was annoying,

Lottie925
by on Jan. 7, 2011 at 9:06 AM

Get your son out of your room. He's over 1 now, he can handle a night by himself.  How can you have sex if you are NEVER alone? If your MIL is living with you... get a hotle for a night and do a great overnight date. Maybe schedule it after your haircut so you feel good.

 

Jace1028
by on Jan. 7, 2011 at 9:07 AM
Maybe you should book a hotel room for the night and have some alone time to talk or whatever.
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SnowboardMama4
by on Jan. 7, 2011 at 9:20 AM

It sounds like you two are going through a phase, have you tried talking to him about everything?? I'm sure you probably have, but what's his reaction? And how do you bring it up?  Do you two "hang out" together just the two of you, ever? 

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