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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Anger Management

Posted by on Jan. 9, 2011 at 11:43 PM
  • 11 Replies

My DH has a problem keeping his temper in check. He is not physically abusive but every 4-5 months he has a major fit and blows up.  I don't like it when he does this but I don't know what to do. Whenever my DH blows up at me he always blames it on me and something I said.  I think that this is a cop out and a way to justify his anger.  He knows that he has anger management issues and really tries his best to keep it in check. 

 Is it okay for him to completely lose it once every few months?  Does anyone else have a hubby that has an explosive temper?  What should I do?

Married since July '07, SS7, no bio kids
by on Jan. 9, 2011 at 11:43 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LovelyMother88
by on Jan. 10, 2011 at 12:16 AM

Well... what exactly do you mean by explosive? Does he just yell and scream? does he hit things? does he hit you? How bad are they?

MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Jan. 10, 2011 at 1:14 AM

I am the one with the explosive temper.  Sometimes i can literally feel my blood boiling.  I try and walk away without saying anything or doing something to burn the anger.  Try and find out his triggers and avoid them or do something to diffuse it.

Holly.
by on Jan. 10, 2011 at 1:20 AM

I am the one with the explosive temper in our relationship; I'm severely bipolar and have other mental issues as well. DH is a very calm person by nature. Anyway, I have taken anger management classes, I have been to intense therapy sessions directly geared towards helping me with my rage problems, and I can tell you that if your husband is losing his temper and doing anything that could be deemed unsafe or dangerous to ANYONE, there is a problem. Every now and then, everyone needs to yell. That's just human nature. But if he is getting violent (hitting walls, hitting you, etc), if he is getting intoxicated or otherwise trying to "cover" his rage... there is a serious problem. No matter how rarely it happens, this could be a serious issue.

ShannaBee
by on Jan. 10, 2011 at 3:52 AM
My DH has a temper and angers easily. But I let him know that's not ok and I'm not gonna be around while he's an ass. Have you suggested anger management classes to him?
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jenbscott
by on Jan. 10, 2011 at 4:09 AM
Have you ever asked him, when he's not in angry mood, why he acts up like that? If he doesn't know why, anger management classes or counceling might be able to help him find the culprit.

Maybe he keeps things bottled up until he can't take it anymore...and any little thing you do will set him off and he'll lash out on you.

Or, it could be something else...like maybe a mental condition.

Get to the root of the problem, then you can see how you need to fix it
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tinkermel2u
by on Jan. 10, 2011 at 10:21 AM

mine does..  truthfully it did start out like he had a monthly cycle.  complete blow up...  rage etc.. he would break things, rip clothes.. and I knew I could count on it happening every month.. Then when he was done he was in the im sorry mode...   NOW - there is no cycle..it happens out of nowhere. Have to walk on eggshells... Our oldest daughter was just diagnosed with bipolar, and dh's father was in the 80's, (but denies he has it).. so with this pattern I KNOW hubby has it...

Anyway - try to do what you can now..doc office etc to handle it while it is still in the once a month mode..  I thought I could handle it at that time too.. and if I pushed him back then for help, I might not be dealing with his anger issues now....

(hugs)


ryansmommy07
by Bronze Member on Jan. 10, 2011 at 10:32 AM
Yes most definatley. The real funny part is he didn't have any blow ups for almost three years the same amount of time that we had nothing to do with his mother. Now that he's talking to her again I'm on eggshells .
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tawana12
by on Jan. 10, 2011 at 1:42 PM


Quoting LovelyMother88:

Well... what exactly do you mean by explosive? Does he just yell and scream? does he hit things? does he hit you? How bad are they?

Well, when he explodes it seems pretty bad to me.  He usually screams and yells and bangs on the walls and stuff.  100% of the time, if I remain quiet it will blow over but if I talk back then it just eggs him on even more.  He has broken a few items at the house like a fan and a vase within the last 3  years.  He has NEVER put his hands on me but will get in my face if I get mad and start yelling back.   Usually when he is in my face he is telling me to "quit talking" and to leave him alone. That maybe part of the problem (I just don't give him some space). 

I know that it's not my fault that he has anger problems but as I am typing this I feel as though maybe I should just retreat and give him some space when he is that angry.  However, I feel like that's a cowards move if I do that and so I usually try to defend myself. I'm so confused. 

DH knows he has anger problems and has improved ALOT from before we are married.  It's just these quarterly rants that kinda scare me.  He has been open to going to Anger Management but is skeptical about it since a friend of his went multiple times and did not improve. 

Married since July '07, SS7, no bio kids
Ohio.SAHMof2
by on Jan. 10, 2011 at 2:18 PM
Is there away he can go get some help? Maybe get on some medicine? Has he ever hurt your child/ren?
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kaitybird
by on Jan. 10, 2011 at 2:55 PM

There is help out there.  I remember me & my ex were ordered to an anger management program when we were stationed in Adak, AK.  It was the best thing for me.  Believe it or not it helped me learn how to count to 10.  I usually couldn't get past 2.  Having a thyroid issue is a bit rough too, as when I was taking synthetic thyroid it would make me mean..  

I am not ashamed that I got help as it was for the best as if you do not recognize the issue it can get worse.  No matter what anyone thinks abuse comes in MANY forms whether it be physical, mental, emotional, psychological you need to get it in check.  If for any reason other than just for the kids, they do not need to see it. 

I know that when I was in the abusive relationship as long as I could get him to hit me first he was fair game, I was never taught that it was wrong for a guy to hit a girl nor was the ex.  So it was a very explosive relationship and their were 2 babies in the house...So the help was ever so welcome for me, but not so much for ex.

 

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