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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

 

Poll

Question: Would you call him and see if he is pissed or happy to hear from you?

Options:

Yes. I would call and find out if he was upset or happy to hear from me.

No. I would not call and findout if he was upset or happy to hear from me. Because the past is in the past and obviously he moved for a reason.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 58

View Results

Ok, here is a little history. I have a friend who is a real gentleman. Back a few years ago I had the opprotunity to hook up with him and had the sense that maybe he wanted to and ended up not hooking up. Even though nobody believed us and thought for sure we hooked up. So we stopped talking and I took his number out of my phone so nobody would think there was anything going on. Than, several years later he moves in with my sister and brother-in-law and we start talking again. He tells me it took him a long time for him to get Lavone to believe that nothing happened between the two of us. So finally someone believed we did not hook up and I was free and clear with at least one person beside the one who was there that night.

So, when he moved in with my sister and brother-in-law I had to jump on the opprotunity to see if there was anything there between the two of us. So I invited him out to drinks with me and a couple friends, thinking maybe I could hook him up with my friend and at least get to keep a friend and be better friends with the other. So we went out and had some drinks with my friends and we danced once or twice than I took everybody home later that night. Well I took her home first than I took him to my sisters cause it just made sense the dirction I was going and where everydboy lived. So I talked to him a bit before he got out and I got his phone number if I didn't already have it at that point and gave him mine. So he was able to get text and I started chatting with him to see if he liked my friend and so on and so forth. Well they went out dancing again and apparently kissed on the dance floor and she didn't think there was any chemistry but he was interested in her. I didn't find this out until a little later on about the kiss, etc. So things didn't work out between them and I thought what a perfect opportunity to see if he has any kind of feelings for me. So we started flirting and what not and things got pretty steamy from time to time. Things went on from there but we again never hooked up. Than he was deciding to move back to Chicago where his mom lives and start new out there. So now I am real curious to see if there would have even been the least bit of chemistry between him and I because he was always a sweet guy. I day dream about him, I have dreams during the night about him and some of them are pretty steamy. So I have his number now in Chicago and I am not sure if I should call him because the way it ended. It did not end bad, but he really badly wanted to hook up and I wasn't ready cause he lived with my sister and that would have been weird if we hooked up and my sister caught us. So now I want to call him, but I a afraid too cause I don't know if he is pissed or not. I don't know if he would be happy to hear from me or anything. I don't even know if he has thought about me at all. Just typing this is making me all anxious thinking about it.

So my question is:

by on Jan. 11, 2011 at 6:27 PM
Replies (61-63):
Serenity75
by on Jan. 24, 2011 at 3:24 PM

 Thank you!

Quoting SierraLynn:

 I see that you called. And I think that was a completely childish act. You should have never even thought about calling this other man no matter how good of an "old friend, just to see if he still has feelings for you" while your working on your marriage. *fucking BS* Turn the situation around. Would you like you HUSBAND to call another woman while trying to fix things with you?!?!? I bet it would freak you out. Calling him, even thinking about it was a selfish little teenage girl stunt to get get attention from someone you have had the hots for, for some time.

BTW you can have an affair long distance. Its called emotionally cheating and can have just the same amount of damage to a marriage. You should be ashamed of yourself.

 

crysangel25
by on Jan. 24, 2011 at 7:11 PM

There is way more to this story than I feel obligated to share. FIrst of all you don't know me. You don't know what my husband and I have already been through in our marriage. In order o make you understand where this all began I suppose I should tell you what happened that made him unhappy. We (My DH and I together) decided a few years ago that we wanted to try swinging so my huusband signed us up for this website where you can meet other swingers, check out their pictures, message them, etc. Well we were both checking out people on there, of course he wa checking out bi-women more than he was couples. I told him that a couple would be better than a bi-woman or a willing man for a threesome because it would be less one-sided. So we found some people on there and we messaged them, we met one of the couples and apparently didn't hit it off well with them. So than I started looking at the guys since he was looking at the girls, just out of curiousity. TO make a long story short, I found this guy and hubby agreed to have him over and we could all, mostly this other guy and I and my DH and I, fool around together. He even said it might be nice to watch me with another man. So we invited him over adn we all did our things. Well apparently it was more upsetting for my husband tha he lead on. So we had some issues right off the bat. Well I told him to make it fair we could find a girl for him to do the same things with and we could have a threesome with her too. Well we never did find a girl to return that favor to him. So he has been holding on to that ever since. That was one of his main complaints is that the favor to him was never returned and he wants it returned. So I told him I met this woman online who might be of interest and she is in our city. So now I just need to get a hold of her and find out if she would be interested in meeting up with him and I some time.

First of all I did not ignore his plea. He told me he was unhappy because I cared more about the girls than I did him. He said that if things didn't change he would just become more unhappy. That is exactly what happened to the point that he was taking his anger towards me out on the girls, I believe which is shy he would get a little too rough with them when disciplining them fromt ime to time. Which caused me to wake up and see how unhappy both of us were, but that I was in such denial over. I didn't wantt o believe that I cared more about the girls than my own husband because I didn't feel that way at all. So the last thing he did was the last straw for me and I decided to talk to my minister about it and put in a prayer request at church two weeks ago. So for you to say I take good care of my girls but my duties as a wife don't end, I realize that. Which is why I took it upon myself to seek help from our minister in finding a counselor or another couple to mentor with. I was putting in the effort and trying to find a way for the marriage to work. The power of prayer is an amazing thing too. It took one week for my husband to text me and tell me he was tired of dealing with whatever he thought he was dealing with and he couldn't take it any more so he was moving his stuff downstairs. I tried talking to him throughout the week with little to no response most of the time. Than Saturday things blew up and he decided to move downstairs. Saturday it got late and he didn't move anything downstairs. So than Sunday morning comes and he is taking stuff off the top of his dresser and getting ready o move it downstairs while the girls and I are getting ready to head to church. When we get back he has the dresser adn the bed moved downstairs and everything set up just the way he wants it. Well the girls and I went to church and I had two people come and talk to me about my marriage, one of them was an elder in the chuhrch who is very close to me and my family. The other one was the wife of the couple we plan on mentoring with. Than I get home and I told DH that I spoke to the wife of he couple we are going to mentoer with and he said something about how he hope sit helps or something. Than I sadi well we can at least try it and if it doesn't work than we will seek counseling, they have counselors for low-income families so maybe we can find something there. Than he said something about not caring and I said that if I didn't care why would I have talked to our pastor in an attempt to find abother couple to mentor with or find a marriage counselor we can talk to, if I didn't care. So that got us to talking and we talked about amny different things. Stuff he didn't like hat I do and stuff that I didn't like that he does. We came to realize that he is still holding it over my head that I owe him a favor like he gave me and I told him about this gal. So that afternoon the girls were downstairs, my friend and her daughter had left and DH and I were upstairs. He started getting kindof frisky with me and doingthings that turned me on and we had sex. So to say I am not working things out or talking to my husband about our marriage and what we are going to do is a bunch of crap because you only know what I tell you and I wasn't trying to give every last detail about my marriage and what lead us to where we are now. But now you know. I realize men have other needs than just sex and so do women. SO when I am not getting my needs met, how am I supposed to meet his? So if he needs to be respected in his own home than what do I get disrespect even though I am the only one with a steady income? I think they consider that to be a head of household when you are the sole bread-winner, granted he has jobs here and there that helps contribute to our household financially, but it is not always enough and we have had to ask friends and family for money so we can pay our bills. I am hoping that this year will be different and he will have a lot more work to keep us going thorugh the year, but the year has just begun so it is hard to say.

First of all, if I wanted out of the marriage I could have easily told him that I wanted a divorce and he probably would have been ok with that. There have ben several occasions when he wanted to divorce me for no real reasons that I could see other than he wanted something else because I don't think he has been with very many women in his lifetime and I have been with more than I would care to talk about ever. Not that it was in the hundreds or anything to that extent, it may have been 12 or so, I don't reacall every guy I slpet with, but I think he has been with maybe 2 or 3.

As for the book you recommended, I was already suggested to read that book by someone else and I have it on hold at the public library here and I needto pick it up by wednesday otherwise it goes back on the shelf. So thank you for the referral on that, but I am already two steps ahead of you on that.

I think I have a good handle on my priorities and as for being immature, I think I am allowed to be that way because this is my post, not yours. Thanks.

Quoting Serenity75:

 I did read that post and you are not talking or working things out.  Your husband told you 2 YEARS AGO that he was unhappy, but you chose to ignore his plea.  Your focus is everywhere EXCEPT where it should be.  It's great that you take such great care of your girls, but after you become a mother you don't stop being a wife.  And men have other needs besides sex.  It can't be just sex for sex.  It needs to be meaningful.  He needs to be respected in his own home.

 Honestly, I think you just want out of this marriage and you're pointing the blame finger at him.  He needs his wife and he needs her to hold up her side of the marriage.  I see nothing wrong with that.  What I do see wrong is your lack of focus and this RECENT post proves that.  

 You need to take a good long hard look at yourself.  I think you believe the grass is greener on the other side, so you are sabotaging your marriage by not focusing on your husband and your place as his wife.  If you truly want out of the marriage then do so, but if you really want to make it work then do something about it.  Take the bull by horns and take the necessary steps to save your marriage.  I recommend reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands."  I think you could really benefit from it.

Quit being immature and get your priorities in order.

Quoting crysangel25:

If you go back to that post, you will see that DH and I have been talking and are starting to work things out.

sticking out tongue

Quoting Serenity75:

 No wonder your marriage is on the verge of divorce.


 


FoxyLove
by Member on Jan. 24, 2011 at 7:17 PM

If I wasn't married, then yeah, I would call him. If nothing else, just to touch basis with him and to keep him as a friend. Even so, the friendship has to be very strong for me to call him at all. The friendship has to be so strong that it would be equivalent to being like a brother relationship for me to call. Otherwise, it would just be intruding.

If I am married, and I am, I would not call him because there's no sense in stirring up the ashes since I have a good husband.

Getting married is easy. Staying married is hard. The reason: The work involved.

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