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Problems with DH's Family!!!! This is gonna be a long one!

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So I meant my Hubby when I was probably 10 or 12ish. My Dad hunted with his family so when I tagged along with my Dad I would always see him. Well when I was 14 we started dating. He was 17! Around 15 my parents begain letting me go over and spend weekends at his house. I got to know his family pretty well pretty fast...and what was not to like...they allowed me to drink and party with them, and have sex with my boyfriend in there house. They were awesome! Well the older I get and the more mature with morals I become the less me and his family get along. Luckily for me, Hubby has gown up with me and side with me. But it makes it hard and there is obvious tention between his family and us. These days we rarely go over...Hubby has no interest in spending much time there which is fine with me. We ocassionally will let the boys go over and spend time with them but those days are becoming far and few between as well b/c I don't know what influences they will have on my children. There are many problems we have...these are just to name a few.

The whole family drinks heavily. They drink Chirstmas, Thanksgiving, Easter....any holiday they come up with they use as an excuse to drink, and gamble.

They have given my infants taste of beer before (on there binkies) even with me obviously showing disgust. They promote the teenagers drinking and joked about the sister sneaking her Daddy;s liquar at 12 and 13 yrs old getting tore up drunk.

The second to the youngest sister who is now 21 has a learning disability, she is unable to keep herself clean (they have no running water) and she has an issue with men. Well Hubby's mom started letting her date all these guys (I mean both the younger girls change boyfriend more then they change their underwear) well she was dating one guy, started dating his brother, ran away from us one day to find she was having sex on the baseball diamond with another guy. I noticed that she had pregnancy symptoms. I told her and Hubby's mom she was pregnant. They denied it. By the time she found out she was she was about 24 wks along. She had been drinking and smoking and doing God knows what else. Hubby wanted to hunt down the guy she swore was the father. I was pissed b/c it wasn't like he forced her to sleep with him. Anyway I gave this girl everything, prenatals, got her in programs, took her to her Doc apts (1hr of driving to and from without so much as a thank you) Well towards the end of the pregnancy she started to act rude to me. I gave her clothes, she had no job no money, I gave her diapers. So fast forward to now....she runs out of formula all the time, they just use milk or water, she runs out of wipes the use whatever they can. She gets a check each week, but Hubby's mom complains she spends it on minutes for her phone and things she wants instead of the baby. Just recently a paternity test proved that the baby wasn't the boy she swore it was but his brother who is in prison. Whose 10 yr old son was shot and killed in front of him a few years back...So as he told her he is so excited she has given him another son.

Ok so now that this Grandbaby is here they treat my children differently. When the baby was 2 mns old the brought home a nice shiney tricycle. Showed it to the boys CALLED them out of the house to let them see it....then told them they couldn't play with it b/c it was for the baby when he grew up!!! YEAP

Hubby's sisters would call me when they needed to go somewhere I would take them, they would get me to do there hair for free, they always call me asking me to borrow something. His sister with the disability called Hubby today asking to borrow my camera....I said no b/c they broke one of my cameras and infected another one with a virus. So she said....Tell her she can keep her damn camera...started cussing and carrying on. This frustraited Hubby and he had some words with her. But I just couldn't believe it.

The oldest sister has like 9 kids....She raised NONE. Hubbys mom raised 3 an aunt raised 3, they are just spread out everwhere! While she has had man after man....the other sister had an open affair and bragged about it infront of Hubby me and my kids....and Hubby's moms joked with her like it was an accomplishment. The other so called sister (adopted into the family kinda) devorced her highschool sweetheart who she had 3 kids with for a boy 20 yr younger who she had been raised to know as her cousin.

Hubby gets another phone call today telling him his 16 yr old neice is pregnant...I said was her Aunt/Mom upset...he said no she was calling to brag about it. This girl has no job no education...she is just gonna sit back and live of the govenment and your gonna brag about it!

I just can't stand to be around the family....can't stand it...if I had my choice they would never see me or my kids....ever but we live too close to avoid them. Something else that really fustraites me....For the most part my 5 yr old NEVER ever wants to go over....but they will brib my kids...with money or candy or clothes. I am just so over them, and I really think Hubby is too....I am proud of Hubby for seeing what I see but I feel bad for him too. My family isn't perfect but they have morals and they try to be good people good citizen...yea my mom drinks but you know its explained as something adults do that can be a bad habit...she doesn't offer my 5 yr old a sip, she does't joke with my boys about all the women they are gonna have, we try to teach right from wrong and about getting a job. I mean Hubby has cousins who don't work...one has two kids by two different Momma's neither of which he is actually with...(he just does the whole baby Momma thing) but he doesn't work...he  lives with his mom and his mom pays for the things his kids need. I mean...my Husband is the BEST person in the immediate family!!!! He works, takes care of his kids, has the occasional drink, had never done drugs, spends all his off time with his kids...etc!

Anyone else have to deal with family like this?? How do you get through?? Thanks for listening to my vent!

      I am a 24 yr old Mommy to two boys Xavier O'Neal Age5 Malachi O'Mari Age 2 and one baby girl Laylah-Marie Elizabeth (7mn)! I have been married to my wonderful Husband, Quentin, for 6 yrs and our children are our life! I am truely blessed! On top of it all....we are now TTC #4! Can't wait to test Jan 17 2011!!!!                                                                                                        


by on Jan. 14, 2011 at 10:46 PM
Replies (21-26):
Lottie925
by on Jan. 15, 2011 at 9:25 PM

I stopped at "they have no running water".

I would have stopped with beer on the binky, but was shocked when you only showed disgust and didn't freak out and leave.

Why would you let your kids stay over where they can't get clean and the grandparents are fine with slipping them booze?

tiger_tatted1
by on Jan. 15, 2011 at 9:27 PM


Quoting NoraDun:

Oh I did....I was trying not to be explicit LOL My Hubby had to put me in the car and take me home...I showed myself that night....and they said I was over reacting and stuck-up. That I felt my kids were too good for them and that I was too good for them!

Quoting tiger_tatted1:

Im glad you realize how children shouldnt be acting(drinking sex etc). BUT remember...You did all of that..Because his family let you. Why would you expect anything different now? Seriously. If they let you at 14 and 15 drink and have sex in their home, They are shitty parents. SHITTY! They arent going to be any different now...And your comment about them giving your child the beer on the paci even though you showed "obvious disgust"..Ummm. I would show more than that! DONT PUT THAT SHIT IN MY BABYS MOUTH!

Good luck with it all...I wouldnt let my children over their house if I wasnt there. And I cant think of any reason I would want to be there anyways.


Haha Good!

JayBran06
by on Jan. 15, 2011 at 9:35 PM

 Oh wow they sound worse than some of the people in my family and i have some doozies. Sorry no advice but here is a hug for putting up with that.

hugs

NoraDun
by on Jan. 15, 2011 at 10:05 PM

My Hubby never had running water until he married and moved in with me! He was 21 yrs old!!

Quoting Lottie925:

I stopped at "they have no running water".

I would have stopped with beer on the binky, but was shocked when you only showed disgust and didn't freak out and leave.

Why would you let your kids stay over where they can't get clean and the grandparents are fine with slipping them booze?


      I am a 24 yr old Mommy to two boys Xavier O'Neal Age5 Malachi O'Mari Age 2 and one baby girl Laylah-Marie Elizabeth (7mn)! I have been married to my wonderful Husband, Quentin, for 6 yrs and our children are our life! I am truely blessed! On top of it all....we are now TTC #4! Can't wait to test Jan 17 2011!!!!                                                                                                        


shorty_girl330
by on Jan. 16, 2011 at 10:37 AM
if i was you i'd be saving to move, i wouldnt want to live close to those kinds of family members

stay strong and keep those kids safe!

hugs for you!

hope it all works out for the better
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
marcy31
by on Jan. 16, 2011 at 11:06 AM

I'm sorry but your husbands family is a piece of crap.  I wouldn't let my kids go over there at all.  I wouldn't care if it caused a riff or not.  If you talk to your husband and he feels the same way I would'nt let the kids go over there.  I know it's your husbands family but you have to do what best for your family.  My husbands family isn't that bad but they have their issues.  We moved to where they are at in MT because my husband was the only child that had kids at the time.  We felt that it wasn't fair that they never got a chance to know they only grandson.  My husband told me that his mom would take our son all the time so I could get a break.  My mom used to take him almost every weekend.  But of course that never happend.  His family was never there.  They were always to busy with other things.  It seemed every time me and him had something planned to do as a family they would call up and need his help.  He would drop us and our plans to go help them.  I finally put my foot down and told him he had to choose it's them or us.  Luckily he chose us and started telling them no.  Finally after 2 years we decided to leave.  All of a sudden they had time.  I said tough now they can come to us.  We are on good terms it's just that they never have time for anything they are always to busy.  They don't really help us out either.  My parents have always helped us out.  He is upset with his parents and how they are.  But with your husbands family I would say you need to sever ties if at all possible.  I know it may be hard because you live so close together.  I hope things work out but I don't think it will get any better.  I've been married for 13 years come February.  His family hasn't changed any.

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