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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

At a loss as what to do ?

Posted by on Jan. 17, 2011 at 4:15 AM
  • 46 Replies

I wrote this last week (in another group)

I HATE the situation I'm in.  HATE IT, HATE IT, HATE IT.

My fiance is a good guy deep down- he'll do anything I ask, would never cheat, etc.

BUT- He's also a fat, lazy, bum.  His only two hobbies are playing video games and WATCHING youtube videos of those same games.  That's it.  No other freakin hobbies.  I swear if I have to spend one more minute in the room with him watching freaking videogames on his iphone I'm going to go ballistic.  I don't want my kid to have a dad that does nothing but lay around the house-  I want him to take them out and do fun stuff with them, but I don't see that ever happening.

When I said something about it, he retorted back with the fact I'd been on the computer more than him- which was not true.  And the time I HAVE been on the computer, its been doing useful stuff like looking up recipes, applying for new jobs, trying to find a midwife.

I honestly would just leave him, but we have an $800 a month apartment payment and my paycheck isn't enough to cover it and we live 1.200 miles from our families. 

There is no passion at all.

He seems to have goals in life but won't ever do anything to pursue them.

We are together pretty much 24/7 b/c we work for the same company.  I thought going back to GA for the holidays and staying with our families seperately would help out, but all it did was make me realize when I got back how miserable I am.


tonight this happened:

Things got better, he does almost everything I ask - including running to the store for me twice in one night.  But then tonight he said he was going to play his game and I said, ok but please don't be up til 3 am playing it.  He started at 8 and just got off -its 2:15.  I really don't mind an hour or two here and there, but this 6 hrs worth of wasted time has got to go.  When I didn't talk to him when he came out he asked me if everything is okay and said "oh, is 2am somehow so much better than 3am?"  and he yells "well fine I'm just going to go to bed" and goes in the bedroom and slams the door- oh yea, I've been sleeping on the couch since we moved in.


I just don't know HOW to try and work this out?  I want to, for the sake of the baby (i'm 10 wks pregnant with our first) because i think he would probably be an awesome dad but I don't know if I can handle 7 more months of this til the baby comes and I have no guarantee it won't get worse after that.

I'm just so heartbroken right now.  I feel like I put everything I had into this relationship and get barely anything in return- and what I do get I have to ask for.

by on Jan. 17, 2011 at 4:15 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MadysonsMama
by on Jan. 17, 2011 at 6:49 AM

I would definitely take some time to cool down.  Possibly make a list of his good qualities and the ones you do not care for.  See if there are more good than ones you do not care for.  If he will, try to sit him down with you and discuss these things...Tell him why and what things you love about him, then gently bring in what you do not care for and why. Have you tried couseling?

soon2bmmy
by on Jan. 17, 2011 at 6:53 AM

My Dh is just like this with the video games. It use to get under my skin so bad, but I just kept thinking that he could be doing so much worse, so I am thankful that he is sitting in our house playing video games for 6 hours rather than at a bar throwing our money away on strippers and booze.

Ohio.SAHMof2
by on Jan. 17, 2011 at 7:24 AM

I'm sorry that you are going through this situation. I bet it is completely hard for you especially with you being pregnant! You have a whirlwind of emotions. Perhaps sit him down and tell him maybe on this day he can play it for a long time and than the next time he'll play for 2 hours.. And the third day or whatever you decide he doesn't play at all. You got to compremize also. So what I would do is at least once a week let him endulge in his game this is his stress leaver and I'm sure it's stressful at times. Than I would tell him you guys at least need one day together just to sit and cuddle. We had to do this with my husband because he was so obsessed with WoW that I barely got to 'see' him and was taking care of our one son (our second wasn't b orn yet) good luck to you

JellyfishEgg
by on Jan. 17, 2011 at 7:27 AM

Ok let me start off by saying this: The majority of men LOVE video games. They're children when it comes to this. Secondly, I think you just need to cool off a bit. I understand how it can be soooooooooo annoying to have him play video games all the time. My husband is the same exact way. He'll go into our room sometimes and stay there for 5-6 hours doing nothing but that. It annoys me too but I would NEVER consider breaking up/divorcing over something so silly like that.

I don't know what you guys do for a living but if he's coming home tired and stressed sometimes it's just nice for them to relax like that. Now your child is still on the way so there's no way of knowing what type of father he'll be or won't be. Once your son is born and your husband actually shows you how he's going to behave as a dad then you can talk to him again about it. If he's not spending enough time, or if he's not helping you out, etc. Bring up the video games if they become an issue. 

I understand you get upset but you should really reconsider your attitude towards him. Pick your battles and don't try to make an argument out of the small things. You said things had started changing, that he had gotten better, this was one night that he spent playing hours of video games. As long as he doesn't constantly do it I don't see why it would be such a big deal. Like the first comment suggested make a list of his good traits, and all the things he does for you guys.

Good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy. :)

grownsexy
by Bronze Member on Jan. 17, 2011 at 3:08 PM

Whoa, that negative attitude you have about him can get you two off on the wrong foot. Lose the he is fat and lazy that is negative. I feel that we have to think and treat people how we want to be treated. Fat and lazy can change overnight, mother hood lasts a lifetime. Negative thoughts even in our head shows in our actions, 

You did the right thing by giving him a time to exit the game. If he came remotely close to doing what you asked give him praise. A little praise goes a long way with a man. Everytime he does what you ask praise him.  A man loves praise and will find ways to get more praise. See your man in a different light and soon he will see himself in a different light but thinking of him as fat and lazy is not the way to bring about change in your home.

Homeschoolmom99
by on Jan. 18, 2011 at 11:12 AM

 

Quoting soon2bmmy:

My Dh is just like this with the video games. It use to get under my skin so bad, but I just kept thinking that he could be doing so much worse, so I am thankful that he is sitting in our house playing video games for 6 hours rather than at a bar throwing our money away on strippers and booze.

 

JesusRocks283
by on Jan. 18, 2011 at 11:22 AM
Hang in there and just talk to him about it
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shorty_girl330
by on Jan. 18, 2011 at 11:24 AM
did you know he played games before you moved in with him? if so you cant expect him to change now and atleast he not out getting in trouble.

also it could be your pregnancy hormones
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Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Jan. 18, 2011 at 11:37 AM

 A lot of men like playing video games. Yes you are upset about it. But that might be is way of relaxing for him. Maybe you can see things from his point of view. In my opinion a man playing video games is not a reason to break up a relationship. (((((((((((Hugs)))))))))

_Tam_
by on Jan. 18, 2011 at 11:48 AM

Have you talked to him (and I mean, seriously talked to him) about cutting down the video games?  You're going to need his help when the baby comes and he can't be on the PS3 (or Xbox or whatever system it is) all the time.  Instead of asking him to not play video games until 3 am, give him a time limit.  Let him know that you'd like to spend time with him but you can't do that with him always on the video games.  If you can at least get him to stop playing around midnight instead of 3am, you can spend more time together.

And "fat" shouldn't be a reason to be mad at him.  Laziness, yes.  Are you both looking for new work?

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