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At a loss as what to do ?

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I wrote this last week (in another group)

I HATE the situation I'm in.  HATE IT, HATE IT, HATE IT.

My fiance is a good guy deep down- he'll do anything I ask, would never cheat, etc.

BUT- He's also a fat, lazy, bum.  His only two hobbies are playing video games and WATCHING youtube videos of those same games.  That's it.  No other freakin hobbies.  I swear if I have to spend one more minute in the room with him watching freaking videogames on his iphone I'm going to go ballistic.  I don't want my kid to have a dad that does nothing but lay around the house-  I want him to take them out and do fun stuff with them, but I don't see that ever happening.

When I said something about it, he retorted back with the fact I'd been on the computer more than him- which was not true.  And the time I HAVE been on the computer, its been doing useful stuff like looking up recipes, applying for new jobs, trying to find a midwife.

I honestly would just leave him, but we have an $800 a month apartment payment and my paycheck isn't enough to cover it and we live 1.200 miles from our families. 

There is no passion at all.

He seems to have goals in life but won't ever do anything to pursue them.

We are together pretty much 24/7 b/c we work for the same company.  I thought going back to GA for the holidays and staying with our families seperately would help out, but all it did was make me realize when I got back how miserable I am.

tonight this happened:

Things got better, he does almost everything I ask - including running to the store for me twice in one night.  But then tonight he said he was going to play his game and I said, ok but please don't be up til 3 am playing it.  He started at 8 and just got off -its 2:15.  I really don't mind an hour or two here and there, but this 6 hrs worth of wasted time has got to go.  When I didn't talk to him when he came out he asked me if everything is okay and said "oh, is 2am somehow so much better than 3am?"  and he yells "well fine I'm just going to go to bed" and goes in the bedroom and slams the door- oh yea, I've been sleeping on the couch since we moved in.

I just don't know HOW to try and work this out?  I want to, for the sake of the baby (i'm 10 wks pregnant with our first) because i think he would probably be an awesome dad but I don't know if I can handle 7 more months of this til the baby comes and I have no guarantee it won't get worse after that.

I'm just so heartbroken right now.  I feel like I put everything I had into this relationship and get barely anything in return- and what I do get I have to ask for.

by on Jan. 17, 2011 at 4:15 AM
Replies (41-46):
by on Jan. 19, 2011 at 3:47 PM

 My DH used to be into his video games. I slowly started planning things for us to do. Like walk around the mall, he actually enjoys this becauseof the gaming and electronic stores there LOL But also things like date nights, picnics, and just outings around the neighborhood.

by on Jan. 19, 2011 at 11:55 PM

Sounds like a time waster, however, maybe its because you both have separate interests and ways that you like to spend your spare time. Maybe you both should set aside a block of time each day like 1hr or so to do some kind of purposeful activity together. Like start with researching fave things together online, picking out themes/decor for baby's room, talking about names if you haven't already, start a registry or get somethings set aside for baby's arrival. You may even want to do a dinner/movie night once a week or watch a weekly tv program that you both enjoy!   I agree that too much video games are NOT good-- they not only rot the brain but seem to make relationships idle or distant.

by on Jan. 20, 2011 at 12:13 AM

I used to feel the same way about my hubby and his video games. then i started playing lol im actually worse than he is becuase when i dont play i get really short tempered (i play WoW) but we think of it as our "off time" try to do things that you like during that time like read knit... so that you can relax your way. he has already shown that he's willing to restrict his game time to preset limits so thats a sign that he's willing to compromise.

by on Jan. 21, 2011 at 12:34 AM

uhm...he does everything you ask for?do you do everything he asks for?sounds more like a puppet or dog....if you dislike him and his habbits so much ...anything other than he does everything you asking to that you love...i mean ,,love,,?how old are you/is he?

by on Jan. 22, 2011 at 10:09 AM

If you're truly miserable then you need to talk to him. Tell him your concerns, that you love him, but his lack of ambition/passion/whatever is alarming to you and you want better for him. Tell him that you're miserable and that you don't want to leave him, but you don't want to live like this anymore. Maybe he just needs to know how you feel about it. And if he doesn't take you seriously is there a friend you could stay with for a few days/weeks until your fiance gets the hint that you're serious?


by on Jan. 25, 2011 at 12:47 PM

My SO was the same way. He spent a lot of time on the xbox and on youtube videos. I finally told him how I felt. Im a gamer too, so that part didnt bother me as much, but the constant youtube was annoying. After we talked he finally agreed that he needed to spend more time with me and our 2 kids. So he plays xbox after he asks if I need help or if I would like to do something fun. if I say no, he plays, if I say yes, he helps me and sometimes we go out and do something fun. I would recommend talking to him, it may help. Good luck!

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