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(((I have a cave man for a husband)))

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2011 at 8:38 AM
  • 35 Replies
My dh husband seems to think that because he's the man and leaves home everyday to work that his job is the toughest. Well as a sahm I say mine is because I am in full operation 365 days and 366 in a leap year literally. I never get a day off. Anyone out there know where I'm coming from with this? Please tell me about it.
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by on Jan. 18, 2011 at 8:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
AutymsMommy
by Member on Jan. 18, 2011 at 8:41 AM

Well, we are traditional and we do firmly believe that my husband is to work and I am to stay home... we keep traditional roles and my husband is the head of our home...

however, he constantly tells me how much he appreciates all that I do and that he wouldn't trade "jobs" for anything. He encourages me to have "me time" and he is very helpful.

Your husband is certainly "cave man"... and not traditional. He is trying to fit a mold and isn't doing a great job of it.

I am a Private School sending, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Homework Helping, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Academic pushing Mother. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it raising my child - I will do that, Thank You. I believe that a woman's place is in the home taking care of her house, children and husband. My husband is head of my home. I am a proud Roman Catholic, as is my husband.             Aimee




 

owensark2
by on Jan. 18, 2011 at 9:29 AM

YES! I tell DH all the time about how frazzled I am with all I need to do and am expected to do, and he says he works 40 hours plus 10 hrs. of travel time a week, and that there's no way that I work that many hours in a week. BUT, I feel, on a daily basis like I'm being poked and prodded all day like by 4 little ones! It's a CONSTANT, NO BREAK, NEVER ENDING thing.  I'd compare it to someone poking you all night long and waking you up while you're trying to sleep. I dont' get a break, My "me time" is at night after they go to bed. During the day, there is fighting, and crying, and complaining, and talking back, and refusing to do their jobs, and asking for food and drinks like 20 times a day, and... it's just CONSTANT. DH doesn't like his job, but it pays the bills and I'm THANKFUL for that, but even if I want to take a weekend and go to my parents for a visit (an hour away)  for a break, he says well, then I'm stuck here with them all weekend. Umm... Ya. I'm "stuck here" all week with them! HELLO!!! We argue about this ALL THE TIME. Matter of fact, I think it's the biggest thing we argue about next to sex- me not wanting it.  He did watch them for one month STRAIGHT, when I worked a job that was 10-12hr. days for 30 days straight, no days off, and SERIOUSLY, I told him that was like a paid vacation!! Even being out in the heat, on 90* days wearing navy blue long sleeved uniforms all day.  it was EASY compared to being a mom and taking care of EVERYTHING at home. I stayed at a friends house about 20min. from the job instead of driving home 1 1/2 hrs each day, so it was a nice "taste" for him, and he thanked me for doing everything I do at home. That was when there were only 4 and not the 5th yet, but still. (and she's the easiest really lol)   But yes, I totally feel you. I told him even the little things- he complains about having no underwear. Well, where ARE your underwear? Have you brought the hamper into the laundry room lately? No?? well, that's probably why. And then.. he STILL doesn't do it!  It's not like he plays around, or plays video games or anything the time that he is home- I know he just wants to relax a little and that's fine, but... those simple little things that help me out a lot woudl be nice. KWIM? Garbage, empty the laundry hamper, stuff like that. ((((HUGS)))) to you too.

lmullins82
by on Jan. 18, 2011 at 9:41 AM

 Yes! My SO doesn't have a steady job right now but he is out every day either looking for work or doing the odd jobs of mechanic work or household fixes that he can find. He doesn't seem to understand that when I'm not chasing the kids out of things they're not supposed to get into I'm doing something around the house that needs done. Only every once in a while does he tell me he appreciates the things I do. And we do argue a lot about this. He likes to joke with me about being bare foot and pregnant so I need to get in the kitchen lol sometimes I know he's joking, other times he sounds kinda serious.  Keep your head up!

redneckmama2
by on Jan. 18, 2011 at 9:47 AM

yeah i have this issue with my hubby sometimes too... he knows being a stay at home parent is tough with one kid (he has done it before) but even when he was the stay at home parent all he did was take care of the kid... he didnt clean didnt cook or anything else... once i got home from work i still had to do all that... and now with 3 kids its even harder but he seems to think everything he does is so much worse than what i do... and OMG if i am tired and mention it he will go on about how much more tired he is... and if i am sick he is worse... drives me up the wall!!!

mommas3cubs
by on Jan. 18, 2011 at 10:34 AM


Quoting AutymsMommy:

Well, we are traditional and we do firmly believe that my husband is to work and I am to stay home... we keep traditional roles and my husband is the head of our home...

however, he constantly tells me how much he appreciates all that I do and that he wouldn't trade "jobs" for anything. He encourages me to have "me time" and he is very helpful.

Your husband is certainly "cave man"... and not traditional. He is trying to fit a mold and isn't doing a great job of it.

This.

          

christina259
by Member on Jan. 18, 2011 at 11:54 AM

 

Quoting redneckmama2:

yeah i have this issue with my hubby sometimes too... he knows being a stay at home parent is tough with one kid (he has done it before) but even when he was the stay at home parent all he did was take care of the kid... he didnt clean didnt cook or anything else... once i got home from work i still had to do all that... and now with 3 kids its even harder but he seems to think everything he does is so much worse than what i do... and OMG if i am tired and mention it he will go on about how much more tired he is... and if i am sick he is worse... drives me up the wall!!!

My husband does this too....it does tend to make you want to strangle him. My hubby even has the nerve to say I'M whining .(right after his little whine session of how his job is worse) Heck when I was working he used to try to say his job was tougher than mine. Honestly I don't know if it was or not but I never told him my job was tougher than his. I just think that having patients (I worked in a medical clinic) lined up down the hall while one was having a seizure in the other room, tends to add a little stress to your day. Not to mention screaming kids, being bitten and thrown up on. Having to run to the back (while patients are waiting up front) to run a STAT (emergency) test.Then the physicians calling wondering why that test isn't done yet(He don't realize you were dealing with a siezure patient.) you also have the phone ringing off the hook. Sometimes people asking questions you have to take time out to go research or hunt down the facts.Some days you work after work hours just trying to catch up what you couldn't get done because you were too busy keeping up with patients. After doing that all day and then simply thinking you can come home and share your day with your husband only to get the response of "quit whining, my job is worse than yours, your jobs easy....ohhh I could just smack him. Not to mention I'm the one who has to cook supper, do the dishes, bath the kids and whatever else needs to be done while he gets to sit down and rest after a long hard day. Yeh....I don't feel guilty at all about staying home and taking an occasional day off while my now older kids are at school. I freakin' deserve it AND to spend his hard earned money. smile Sorry if I sound like a B--------. ...but look whose laughing now. Yeh, I'm currently irritated with the hubby.lol. (When the kids start going to school life gets easier...so hang in there. ;o))

LovelyMother88
by on Jan. 18, 2011 at 11:59 AM

lol oh yeah, My Dh used to go and on about how hard his job was and how tired he was. But then I realized he was fishing for appreciation. So I gave it to him. He just needed to feel like I recognized how hard he worked for us. After that he was faster to appreciate me as well.

Lucky2BaMomof2
by Bronze Member on Jan. 18, 2011 at 12:04 PM

My husband goes back and forth on this one. . . . I'm a SAHM, our 4.5 yr old is special needs then we have a tiny terror in her terrible twos, lol. .. I cook and clean for everyone in our house. . . EVEN HIS BUDDIES. . . .

He goes back and forth about beign grateful or not. Sometimes "he works so hard and doesn't knwo what i'm complaining about" other times (the lesser of the two he goes back to) "I dont know how you do it, youre so patient, i appreciate everything you do. I could never do it"

Yeah, I go on strike every 2 - 3 months and FORCE him to do everything for a weekend, normally its when im tired of him comming home to a clean house and asking me what i did all day, or telling me i sat on my butt and did nothing all day. . . So yeah, ill do nothing for a couple days every so often to remind him of how much i DO. . . .

I know, kinda immature, but occasionally I just want some appreciation for all that I do. I go days without sleep at times because our son has night terrors at times or when kids are sick, then i get sick and still cant sleep because theyre more important. I just need a little acknowledgment occasionally. I start to lose my drive to do anything otherwise. .. And its good for to have a break. . Seeing as how im too busy to EVER have me time. Even my showers get interrupted by my 2 yr old daughter, she wants to potty train, but will only go on the potty if im on the potty and she sits on my lap and goes with me. (i have no clue how that got started, it just started one day and she insists now, or the banging on the door and screaming starts). . . The last time i left the house without kids (aside from my own dentist and dr appts where i cant have them with me ) was a couple YEARS ago. . .

I feel you pain. . Sorry I went on a tangent, I'm kinda going crazy here, lol. .

katie201005
by on Jan. 18, 2011 at 12:13 PM

my dh is laid off at the moment. he's gets laid off every winter. he should be out looking for a job but he's not, instead, he is sitting on his ass at home. yes at the moment he is out shoveling the yard but that doesn't pay the bills. he throws a fit when ever i ask him to feed the baby so i can take a shower, or get my dd a drink. when he goes back to work i will be happy to not ask him for a thing, but as of right now, he's not so he can get off his ass and take turns taking care of my youngest when she wakes up at three in the morning!! i used to work and on top of that, come home and take care of everything, home, babies, husband. and he was still laid off. he didn't do a thing the whole day he was home. our kitchen floor didn't get mopped till i had a day off because he didn't do mops!! why i put up with it, i don't know other than i love him and he is a good dad!

ashmac03
by on Jan. 18, 2011 at 12:14 PM

My husband and I have traditional roles as well since I am a SAHM and he works outside of the home.  But working for him doesn't end either.  He doesn't just come home from work and lay on the couch for the night.  He's still a father and a husband just like I am a wife and mother.  He usually gets home around 6:00 and I try to have dinner ready when he gets home.  We sit at the table as a family and talk about how our days were or anything that the kids might want to talk about.  After dinner hubby and the kids clear the table while I start on dishes (sometimes hubby will do them just to be nice and give me a break).  Hubby then takes out the trash and asks if there is anything that needs to be done around the house that can't wait for the weekend.  For example last night the smoke detector was chirping so he changed the batteries in all of the smoke detectors.  While he was doing that I was giving little one a bath.  Once she's done and in her jammies hubby reads to her while I am trying to get the older two to take their showers and get ready for bed.  Then once it's bed time hubby tucks all of the girls in with me and gives good night kisses or runs to get that last drink of water for Lanie.  As soon as the kids are asleep hubby and I get a little time to take a break and watch TV, do a crossword together, etc.  I guess my point is none of our jobs end after 8 hours since we are parents.  And being a parent (working away from home or in the home) is a 24/7 job.

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