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OMG!! I caught my husband.... UPDATE

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Ok so the other day I just had a feeling that I needed to check on the computer to see if my hubby was up to anything... So I did, and sure enough he was up to no good. So I found that he was talking to some chick for at least two months. WTH.... he has been telling her that he is single (we've been married almost 4 years), and that he takes care of our daughter by his self (ah def not!). He told her how much he missed her, how good her hair looked, and all that stuff he should be saying to me....

  I am soo hurt (and sadly I am jealous of the things that he tells her). So I confronted him and we had a very unproductive talk, he told me he didn't kno why he did it. When I asked him if he was going to stop talking to her he said " I guess so" wth kinda answer is that?  He has been acting like there is nothing wrong the last couple of days and even had the balls to try and get some the other night. I mean really? So I got on the computer today just to check my stuff not even his (he was still singed on) so anywhoo I saw that he was still talking to her today I mean come on wtf is up with that?

 Any advice would be greatly appreciated

 

UPDATE:Sooo, I have decided that I am not going to give up this fast, but things are going to change!  I sent the "homewrecker" and e-mail and she never wrote me back or anything, but I went on ther today and she blocked me from her site (really I'm the bad guy come on now)... I have been on the fence with my hubby, today he is in a better mood seems to wanna try and talk (as long as I hold sex over his head) He told me today that things need to change... he can only go 2 weeks without it and he needs some. I told him he is right things do need to change, and he is going to wait for it until they do. I still have this fear of being alone, and divorced... I guess I am not as strong as I thought. I grew up in the middle of my parents and I do not want our daughter to have to go through the same. Marriage is through the tuff too, so I am going to try my best to work it out with him. I am going to tell him tonight that I deserve to be respected, and treated like his wife and not a piece of a**. If he doesn't want to go to counseling FINE, but he better talk it out with me at home, and I want ALL of his passwords to his internet things and we are going to check them together (or maybe just me) to make sure that he is behaving... I hate to act this way, but it is the only thing that I can come up with now. I know that I deserve better, and y I don't feel that way sometimes I am not sure.... but like some of you said if he thinks that I will always be here no matter what then he will never change....

I just wanna say thank you all sooo very much I have read every reply and hope that I have answered them. I will keep you all updated (hopefully with a happy ending) Again thank you all you have been great support!!!!

by on Jan. 20, 2011 at 7:55 PM
Replies (151-160):
NavyWife0116
by on Jan. 22, 2011 at 2:40 PM
I actually had something similar to this happen to me. I snapped and punched my hubby in the eye! I told him to try reading the messages with one eye! Lol Seriously though, it hurt like hell and everything in me wanted to walk away from my marriage. (Had it been physical, I probably would have) But I am a fighter (hence the punch to the eye) and I believe in giving my all. I talked WITH my hubby everyday not just to express my concerns and feelings but to hear his as well. I demanded respect from him as a woman, his wife and a mother. Since that incident, things have been great. I have access to all his emails, etc & he has access to mine. Every now and again, I playfully remind him of the boxing lessons I took just in case a thought should cross his mind again. Lol If you believe in your hubby and your marriage, then don't give up on it. Talk WITH your hubby, not at him to find the issues and the resolution. Pray always...
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katzmom
by on Jan. 22, 2011 at 4:56 PM

BUMP!

suemayonline
by on Jan. 23, 2011 at 4:55 AM

Hello,

I realize I'm late to the party, but I will add my 2cents....  

Prior to your finding out anything & prior to the time frame of him communicating w/ her, what was home like?  Did he feel valued, love & respected? or was he treated like he was less important than you or the child?  If he felt valued, loved & respected, I don't see him doing any of this unless you chose very badly & married a real jerk.  If he felt he was no longer important or needed, didn't you "tell" him he needed to go somewhere else for his fulfillment?  If you want to make sure you don't lose him & are sure he isn't just a jerk, you will have to improve the "strokes" that he gets at home--a little kiss here, a love pat there, dressed nice (not disheveled) & perfumed when he gets home, a nice greeting when he arrives such as "Oh look, daddy's home!"  I'm sorry, but men see sex as a very different thing than women, in general.  If you deny him the sex, you are depriving yourself too--you do like it, right?  And, denying him sex is one of the fastest ways to send him running somewhere else.

Anyway, I hope you can work this out, with or without counseling, but it will really change the whole atmosphere of your home & your marriage if you treat him like he's important, your "man" that you love & look up to, & give him the "treatment" like you gave him when you were courting.  And you do have the upper hand in a few ways--you are married to him, he has a child with you, he still comes home & sleeps with you, & YOU have all the power to change the atmosphere in your home.

Take it from a woman who's seen both sides....

nc_mom83
by on Jan. 23, 2011 at 5:26 AM
I thought I was the only one thats goibg through this. My husbands doed time and time again. He says hes going to stop and he does for a few months and hes right back doibg it again. This is the 4th or 5th time hes done this. I know hes not sleeping with them but to me its the same. Ive actually called and emailed the females and they were cool about it. I really dont want to divorce but I dont know if I can go through this anymore. I hope things work out for us both.
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latoldya
by on Jan. 23, 2011 at 11:46 PM

Sorry abou this but you cant call this poor girl a home wrecker if she did not know you know. It was him that lied in made it up. And like my mom always said if a man wants something and you dont give it to him he will GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!! keep your head up ill pray for u

clowry02
by Member on Jan. 24, 2011 at 8:06 AM

I hope thing get better

Meggie-May
by on Jan. 24, 2011 at 8:30 AM
Well, I think you've got this thing handled sister! :)

Keep us posted! -Wish you the best.
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beccajain2008
by on Jan. 24, 2011 at 8:37 AM

 I have not read any replies.

Personally I don't think him giving you "All" his passwords will really do any good ,because he can still just make new accounts you don't know about. If he has kept things hidden from you and Lied before... ya know?

I think you're a very strong woman for wanting to work things out.

Personally  I wouldnt give him the option of not going to counseling. That'd be a MUST  if it were me. 

My advice- Do NOT give in with the sex. make sure you are in the same room as him EVERY time he's on the computer and thake the power cord with you if you leave or go to sleep ( he deserves that- he broke your trust so he deserves it)  so that he CANT Make  new accounts to hide from you

I hope that he really does want to work it out ,not just  to make you give in  so he can get a piece.

I'm sorry he did this to you at all.  WHY did he do it is the key.  Was it emotional? Boredom? WHY? THAT is why I'd say  counseling or  it's a no go period.  There was a reason for this. He says he doesnt know blah blah blah. Well--- marriage counseling would  help him figure it out if he really doesnt know and if he does it'd become  obvious to the counselor and he/she would discuss it with both of you -either way ,you'd know what the reason was.

Good luck and please do keep us posted. I'm  glad you are working it out and I hope it DOES work out well :-)
**Hugs**





"It's a poverty to decide that a child must die, so you can live as you want." - Mother Theresa


http://beccajain2009.weebly.com/ my website about me&mine -maybe you'll find something in common& we can be friends :-)




 




 




 




 

aneela
by on Jan. 24, 2011 at 12:43 PM

I hope things work out for you guys...too many marriages go down the drain when some counselling could have helped. But no one deserves to be treated like a doormat either.

Hugs.

mmama0619
by Bronze Member on Jan. 25, 2011 at 1:53 PM
Quoting nc_mom83:

I thought I was the only one thats goibg through this. My husbands doed time and time again. He says hes going to stop and he does for a few months and hes right back doibg it again. This is the 4th or 5th time hes done this. I know hes not sleeping with them but to me its the same. Ive actually called and emailed the females and they were cool about it. I really dont want to divorce but I dont know if I can go through this anymore. I hope things work out for us both.




As long as u keep taking him back n keep playin his game, he's gunn a keep doing it, he don't take u serous at all if he keeps it on, take a stand if u haven't already, n stick with it! Sum men r like children n need to b treated like one.
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