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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Just can't take it anymore....My in-laws are horrible people.

Posted by on Jan. 23, 2011 at 8:51 AM
  • 34 Replies

I'll try to make this as short and brief as possbile but it's 5 years building up so it may get long. I grew up in a good home with my older sister, mom and dad, my parents had a wonderful marriage and it's something I've always admired. I lost my dad when I was 22, it devestated my whole family but at the same time made us extremely close, my aunts and uncles are like my friends and my cousins are like my sisters. Now my husband, he grew up in, well lets stay to be nice a very UNSTABLE home with 2 younger brothers, his dad is bipolar and manic depressant with no medication, he's extremely controlling and emotionally and physically abused all of them his whole life until he was 18 and got out. I met him a few times, but a year into my husband and I's relationship my husband decided the only way we could have a normal life, a good family was to disown him, so we did. His mother finally left him around 5 years ago, again at the beginning of me and my husband's relationship. His two brothers have always been a bit messed up as well, they grew up to be more like their father and my hubby grew up to be....himself, all by himself. His brother's girlfriends well one of them I got along with so well that she is now my best friend, was in my wedding, is an auntie to my DD.

Now I used to get along with his mother, she was always an odd woman being through what she's been through raising her boys, but as the years went on she became worse, a gossip queen, a rude scorned woman overall. So over the years I've lost respect for her as a woman and as a mother because I've seen who her boys have become and it's sickening that she stuck around letting a man abuse her that way in front of her children. That's just to sum it up. The woman has never liked me but we pretend and act nice to each other for my husband. I would do anything for my husband even if it means pretending to like his mother and brothers...so I always have. He knows they aren't "normal" and have issues. His youngest brother is more like his father everyday and treats his gf like his dad treated their mom, it's sickening to watch so we just don't hang out with them, we never even saw them on Christmas, it's just a mutual feeling I guess they don't like me as well, I never knew why I never did anything to either of them, but it's been alot worse since we had our DD. I see my husband hurt because they don't come see her, they get extremely jelous of me and my family and how close we are.

Well this past weekend AGAIN I found out that my MIL was talking behind my back, no matter how many times I've asked her to please come to me if something is wrong or if she feels something, please dont talk behind my back, just talk to me about it, well not only did she talk behind my back but she did it to my best friend. My MIL and SIL voiced that they did not like my blog that I write everyday, that they were offended by it, which is funny because It's about being a mommy and a good wife it says nothing about them.  So I defriended them on facebook so they would no longer have access to my blogs, if they don't like it fine I'll make sure they can't read it.....

Then my SIL called the next morning and left a nasty message calling me every name in the book, saying they are all counting down the days until my husband and I get divorced, and worst of them all that my DD isn't even his!!! That's how messed up these people are. My husband and I have a very good marriage, we have never been happier, we've come so far together, we've grown together, we now have everything we've ever wanted and they are ruining it.  I have no idea where that came from it means they are all talking behind our back and my husband just isn't getting hurt and angry like I am....it's hurting me so much and he doesn't seem to want to deal with it, he has a hard time "feeling" and "dealing" he's always struggled with it but he's the most compationate, caring person I've ever met, I don't know what to do anymore....I want to tell him he needs to choose them or me and his DD because I can't deal with this anymore, it takes too much out of a person. I need advice ladies...I'm sorry this is so long but I don't know what to do and I can't stop crying about this, my heart hurts for my hubby, for my daughter, for my marriage...I can't let them win. Please no bashing, just some good old fashion advice? Would you make your hubby choose? If not what else would you do? How can I get my hubby to see that these people are sick and we are better off w/o them?
THANK YOU!!!

Tammi


by on Jan. 23, 2011 at 8:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
xoBeLLa
by on Jan. 23, 2011 at 9:00 AM

Yes, I would make him choose! I went through the same exact thing with his family, whom are all nuts and the mother especially, would do everything in her power to ruin our marriage and drive us crazy! I ended up in the hospital from it all because she had me so stressed out. I finally told my husband, he had to choose either her or me and our kids. Of course, he chose the kids and me. He knows, what kind of woman she really is and how she abused him when he was growing up. She hasn't been in our lives for 15yrs and it was the BEST decision we ever made!!!

amylovesnick07
by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2011 at 9:04 AM
I am so sorry about what you are going through. I would make my husband choose. I hope things get better for you soon. (((HUGS)))
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Mandola21
by on Jan. 23, 2011 at 9:06 AM

I think it has to be his choice to want to choose.... You don't want him possibly resenting you for making him chose so just keep being the best wife and mother and kill them with kindness, don't let them get to you just shake it off and realize they are probably very jealous of what you have and don't know a mature way to act.

ShannaBee
by on Jan. 23, 2011 at 9:07 AM
Personally I would cut all contact with them. Don't answer their calls, emails or whatever form of communication they use. Your DH on the other hand, making him choose could put a strain on your marriage. I say set boundaries. If he wants to talk to his mom let him be the one answering the phone but tell him you don't want to hear any details of the conversation. Even though someone's family is crappy they tend to stick up for them, I deal with inlaw problems too. I just step back and ignore them but continue to support DH having a relationship with his family.
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KristyKat
by on Jan. 23, 2011 at 9:14 AM

Cut ties completely with toxic people like that.  It sucks, it's hard, but you need to protect your family.    *hugs*  I'm so sorry for this.  I can't imagine how hard it is.  I would turn the other cheek, and let them deal with their lives, and you concentrate on your life, your love with your family.

alyssasmom11007
by on Jan. 23, 2011 at 9:16 AM

I'm sorry you have to go through this.  It took my husband 8 years to finally see how horrible his parents treated me.  I have had many blow ups with his dad and had it out with his mom on FB a while back.  I never told him he had to choose, I just simply said that if his family couldn't treat me with respect, they had absolutely no rights to our daughter.  Maybe ask your husband how he would feel if you ever came to a point of making him choose?

LuvablemomD
by on Jan. 23, 2011 at 9:16 AM

I been though something similar and I feel your pain,I am here if you need someone to talk to.If I were you,I would just stay away from his whole family and ignore the blog and phone calls, change your number  because all that drama is just going to hurt you more.As long as your husband love you and your beautiful baby do NOT allow them to get into your life.Tell him you want nothing to do with them and he should not either.If he does not let go of them and their crap now trust me he will soon when he is tired of it as well.They just want company for their misery.Let it all go no matter how hard it may be because you will come out on top in the end and as for his whole family don't worry Karma will get them!

TIFFANYT1432
by on Jan. 23, 2011 at 9:18 AM
I don't think an ultimatum is best here... His mom or you? I think that he probably feels sorry for her, bc of his dad. And it would hurt him to push her out of his life. My suggestion is for you to stay away from them, and refuse to acknowledge any of their bs. If every1 is together, be only as polite as you have to be, but the rest of the time act like she's invisible.. I have ppl I do that with. They're prob jealous of you bc you're the only one w/ a decent man! Don't let them take that from you! Giving an ultimatum, i think, would only hurt your dh..and cause probs w/ u two. I would say she can't come to your home if she's gonna disrespect your family, period. Maybe you need to confront them, and give THEM an ultimatum...
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CafeMamaOf4
by on Jan. 23, 2011 at 9:19 AM

wow mama, I'm so sorry! I know what you are going through and I wouldnt wish it on anyone. You can  only take so much and at this point, hubby needs to choose. Yeah, they're his "family" but he got stuck with them.. YOU and YOUR DD are the family he CHOSE...so he needs to remember that. I had to talk/fight/cry this out with my DH several times before he finally accepted and realized that he cant expect me to "brush off" some things. I hope that you can work this out with DH and that he chooses to choose, and chooses you & DD. It shouldnt even be a hard decision, thats how I always saw it... but since they are the family he has known for how long, you wanna hope they arent as horrible as their actions have proven them. There's no excuse for the behavior and i really pray DH comes around very very soon. This had put a lot of stress on our marriage (which is exactly what his family was trying to do.... along with stress me into a miscarriage of our twins last year and our DS this pregnancy). My only advice would be to talk it out honestly as much as possible with DH.. try not to harrass him but still let him know that its serious and you're not going to have your DD grow up around such people that disrespect her mother that way and that HE needs to have respect for BOTH you and DD and not expect you to put up with it any longer.  Things between DH and myself have been much better since we "let them go"... he's even been the one to come out about how horrible they are without me prompting it....so i know he must really get it now. He misses his family sure, he has lil sisters that only can go by what their evil mother tells them but they are teens and will soon grow to understand just what went on there and hopefully they can be a part of our lives then. Wow I could talk forever with u on this because i know how badly it hurts...I still think about it all the time....and it all hurts just the same but at least i still have my marriage and family. I thought he'd never accept it...so if ur feeling that way, know that it IS possible that it could just "click" for him one day...and hopefully that day is soon. (((HUGS)))

amylou7747
by on Jan. 23, 2011 at 9:19 AM

 I would   make him choose but not come out and say that  but I think you should . this way it can never come back  to you  and  cause more  problmes . What I mean is let him know that  With thier  disrespectful feels towards yourself and your daughter they will no long be part of your life . Tell  him you love him and  you would never put him in a situation  but  he can only see them on his time and  never as a family . Also say that anything that  involves you or your daughter  they  are to never talk, know, see, or just plain out Nothing . This way it shows you  are not making them choose but their colors will come out more and more and cause him to break away . He didnt get mad on everything they called you ? Good luck  and My advice to you is well just get them out of your and your daughters life and work from there slowly so its comes out on them and never you cause it will

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