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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Just can't take it anymore....My in-laws are horrible people.

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I'll try to make this as short and brief as possbile but it's 5 years building up so it may get long. I grew up in a good home with my older sister, mom and dad, my parents had a wonderful marriage and it's something I've always admired. I lost my dad when I was 22, it devestated my whole family but at the same time made us extremely close, my aunts and uncles are like my friends and my cousins are like my sisters. Now my husband, he grew up in, well lets stay to be nice a very UNSTABLE home with 2 younger brothers, his dad is bipolar and manic depressant with no medication, he's extremely controlling and emotionally and physically abused all of them his whole life until he was 18 and got out. I met him a few times, but a year into my husband and I's relationship my husband decided the only way we could have a normal life, a good family was to disown him, so we did. His mother finally left him around 5 years ago, again at the beginning of me and my husband's relationship. His two brothers have always been a bit messed up as well, they grew up to be more like their father and my hubby grew up to be....himself, all by himself. His brother's girlfriends well one of them I got along with so well that she is now my best friend, was in my wedding, is an auntie to my DD.

Now I used to get along with his mother, she was always an odd woman being through what she's been through raising her boys, but as the years went on she became worse, a gossip queen, a rude scorned woman overall. So over the years I've lost respect for her as a woman and as a mother because I've seen who her boys have become and it's sickening that she stuck around letting a man abuse her that way in front of her children. That's just to sum it up. The woman has never liked me but we pretend and act nice to each other for my husband. I would do anything for my husband even if it means pretending to like his mother and brothers...so I always have. He knows they aren't "normal" and have issues. His youngest brother is more like his father everyday and treats his gf like his dad treated their mom, it's sickening to watch so we just don't hang out with them, we never even saw them on Christmas, it's just a mutual feeling I guess they don't like me as well, I never knew why I never did anything to either of them, but it's been alot worse since we had our DD. I see my husband hurt because they don't come see her, they get extremely jelous of me and my family and how close we are.

Well this past weekend AGAIN I found out that my MIL was talking behind my back, no matter how many times I've asked her to please come to me if something is wrong or if she feels something, please dont talk behind my back, just talk to me about it, well not only did she talk behind my back but she did it to my best friend. My MIL and SIL voiced that they did not like my blog that I write everyday, that they were offended by it, which is funny because It's about being a mommy and a good wife it says nothing about them.  So I defriended them on facebook so they would no longer have access to my blogs, if they don't like it fine I'll make sure they can't read it.....

Then my SIL called the next morning and left a nasty message calling me every name in the book, saying they are all counting down the days until my husband and I get divorced, and worst of them all that my DD isn't even his!!! That's how messed up these people are. My husband and I have a very good marriage, we have never been happier, we've come so far together, we've grown together, we now have everything we've ever wanted and they are ruining it.  I have no idea where that came from it means they are all talking behind our back and my husband just isn't getting hurt and angry like I am....it's hurting me so much and he doesn't seem to want to deal with it, he has a hard time "feeling" and "dealing" he's always struggled with it but he's the most compationate, caring person I've ever met, I don't know what to do anymore....I want to tell him he needs to choose them or me and his DD because I can't deal with this anymore, it takes too much out of a person. I need advice ladies...I'm sorry this is so long but I don't know what to do and I can't stop crying about this, my heart hurts for my hubby, for my daughter, for my marriage...I can't let them win. Please no bashing, just some good old fashion advice? Would you make your hubby choose? If not what else would you do? How can I get my hubby to see that these people are sick and we are better off w/o them?
THANK YOU!!!

Tammi


by on Jan. 23, 2011 at 8:51 AM
Replies (31-34):
Mommy102710
by on Jan. 25, 2011 at 9:52 AM

I hope so ladies....it's asking him to write his mom off and I don't think he's ready to do that, his brother, probably yes, but unfortunatly we'd still have ties with his mother who unfortunatly is the person who created the monster right! If I had my way the family would be damn history by now, they've caused us so much heartache in the 5 years we've been together. I'm waiting for him to do this on his own.......I'm waiting very patiently. I can only imagine how hard it would be to disown your whole family but I would do it if my family was causing so much heartache on my marriage and new child. So we shall see what comes of it. Thank you so much ladies you are all the best.

thorntonwife
by on Jan. 25, 2011 at 10:00 AM

First of your baby is adorable. Secondly i went through the same thing my hubby was a traumatized and abused little boy by his father, and his mother just disappeared one day. I have battled his family from day one just because he decided to marry me. They try to treat me like crap and i told him to choose me or them. (btw his mother now is a awesome mom but i'm afraid its a little too late for him but maybe his younger sisters can benefit from it). If he won't stand up for you then raise hell yourself lol  

sunnymommy122
by on Jan. 25, 2011 at 10:11 AM

No way should you make him choose!  Believe me, I completely get your frustration.  Just rise above it.  Don't let them get to you.  If it doesn't bother him then don't let it bother you.  I know it's easier said than done.  My DH's family is horrible, too!  I am so thankful they live far away so I hardly ever have to deal with them in person.  You are also doing things that are provoking them such as getting rid of them off your Facebook page.  You have every right to do that, but you have to be prepared for the fallout that will ensue from that action.  I would just limit my time with them...change your phone number.  Just distance yourself from them.  Talk to your husband about how you feel in a way that is going to be comfortable for both of you.  You can't expect him to just blow them off.  Sorry.  That is not going to go over well.  You know that your husband is not good at dealing with stuff so you know he is not going to do anything about it so then by saying choose you are forcing him to do something about it.  My DH is the same way.  He will do nothing about his family. 

You need to just avoid them.  If they do leave messages delete them without listening to them or have your husband listen to them.  You can choose to not have any dealings with them.  I would not force your husband to do that, personally.  Again, I totally feel for your situation.  It sounds like you have a great marriage and a daughter...bottom line, that is all that matters!

((Hugs to you)) 

HollyBerry727
by on Jan. 25, 2011 at 12:21 PM

 I agree with this 100%.

Quoting Mandola21:

I think it has to be his choice to want to choose.... You don't want him possibly resenting you for making him chose so just keep being the best wife and mother and kill them with kindness, don't let them get to you just shake it off and realize they are probably very jealous of what you have and don't know a mature way to act.

 

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