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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

"We'll see..." ugh! *UPDATE of sorts*

Posted by on Jan. 24, 2011 at 10:28 PM
  • 63 Replies
Pisses me off when he acts like this! Just have to vent. I work full time, am 21 weeks pregnant, and have a 3 year old with me 24 hrs a day. (I am his teacher along with 12 other children) my husband works from 7 to 3, gets off work and goes to his friends to play playstation. Then he comes home, I make dinner while he watches a movie with our son (their bonding time so I'm fine with it) after dinner, I only ask that he loads and starts the dishwasher while I get a shower and get ready for bed. I haven't been sleeping lately bc I can't get comfortable. My back hurts with this pregnancy but I'm still always going and tonight, after dinner I asked him to load the dishwasher and he sighs from his recliner and says "We'll see." He's left the chair once since getting home at 5 from playing video games. I am so mad. I am getting ready to go get my shower, give my son a bath, then I guess load the friggen dishwasher. Ugh!

Anyone else have to deal with this? It isn't fair! What do you do to ensure more chores are shared?

UPDATE:

Nothing has changed, really... He did end up loading the dishwasher after I asked him again. He sighed and rolled his eyes but he did it. =) But about talking to him, I really have. No distractions, not yelling. I will say "This pregnancy is a lot harder than my first. Working at a daycare is hard and chasing a three year old is hard. I would really like some help in the evenings." He says he doesn't see why I complain. I was just fine when I was pregnant with our three year old. He just doesn't get that. But here is a kicker! Two days ago. He brought home a puppy. An eight week old mut. She is very cute and my son loves her but I kind of worried it was going to add to my daily chores. So I said, "if we're going to keep her I need to know for sure you will help with her." He said duh, of course he would... And by the next day, he already started getting angry at me for not cleaning up her poop since he forgot to take her out on his lunch break. I don't get a lunch break. And I don't feel like it is my responsibility to clean up after her when he "forgets she is here" then goes to his friends after work. So I put my foot down and said "I am finding a home for her." That snapped him out of it and he's done really good today but we'll see. He actually just told me he is cooking pork chops tonight. I got sent home from work bc my back pain is almost intolerable. So maybe he feels bad now, but we'll see.

Thank you ladies so much for all the hugs and advice! And the ladies who are going through the same, I am so sorry! If I find a solution I will let you know!!
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by on Jan. 24, 2011 at 10:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jbjb1024
by Silver Member on Jan. 24, 2011 at 10:32 PM
Your situation is different because u are pregnant and have a son, but I do know how u feel. I hate doing dishes!!!! The only thing I ask my Dh to do is the dishes, I do everything else laundry, clean other rooms, cook dinner and when I ask him to do dishes he complains, if I ask him to make dinner he whines. I hate it. I usually end up doing it myself because it is a battle I will never win! Sorry, I probably wasn't much help!
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august_baby_09
by on Jan. 24, 2011 at 10:41 PM

my dh has been the same this weekend usually he is good and helps out but this weekend its been a fight for every little thing

Buddhist_Mom75
by on Jan. 24, 2011 at 10:46 PM

My husband told me day one that he does anything but dishes. The op is right, you are pregnant and he should help a little. I have learned the hard way that if you want something done...do it yourself lol. Nagging never helps, nor getting mad. Tell him how you feel when he has your 100% attention (not looking at TV) and then keep doing everything. Sooner or later he will think of what you said, watch you tire out doing it without help, and maybe help out. At least I hope so for your sake. :c) 

pnut1211
by on Jan. 24, 2011 at 10:49 PM

Our issues are the dishes and laundry.  My husband is a stay at home dad and I feel that he needs to do the dishes and laundry I should have to do any of it.  He thinks that since I only work 3-4 days (12 hr shifts) a week that I need to do chores on the days I dont work.  I have started just washing my clothes and I stopped cooking bc I dont have clean dishes.  I feed myself and my children and he is on his own. Same with his clothes he can do them himself when he runs out.  Its not the right way but that is how I handle it. 

He loves the video games too. And I just want to throw it up in the air and shoot it. lol

Rwive
by on Jan. 24, 2011 at 11:10 PM

 GOsh no, Video games?? Really? How about he gets a maternity leave from Video games?? Put a line before the baby is born lady, otherwize is gonna be harder. Maybe let him know that ou are feeling more tired now than ever cause of the pregnancy.

Jace1028
by on Jan. 24, 2011 at 11:25 PM
I've tried and tried to tell him how tired and achy I am but since I wasn't this way with my first pregnancy he doesn't see why I am this time. =( AKA, he's lazy as hell! He brought home a puppy for our son but refuses to help with it! I told him we need to find a home for it bc I can't do everything and he says that's selfish of me.
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MrsTantaros
by on Jan. 25, 2011 at 1:28 AM

Yes, I know how that goes..LIKE TONIGHT! I always make diner, and he just plays his games. I feed the kids, clean the kitchen, do the dishes, clean the living room, finish laundry. And by then my head HURTS and I'm so tired. I thought I could take a power nap. So I asked him to clean up after the kids are done eating before he leaves for work. he said he would.

But when he woke me up and said he was leaving for work, I get up to find the kitchen A COMPLETE DISASTER! and he left our 3 year old in the tub!!

stuswf
by on Jan. 25, 2011 at 1:50 AM
Well, this is what I've done in the past, let it pile up until the point of rescue!!! When he asks why the house is piling up tell him!!
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Jezzeria
by on Jan. 25, 2011 at 3:08 AM
First i just have to say this entire post and reply is exactly what i need today.

Dh is a sahd and i work full time 50+ hours away from home. I do dishes laundry and take care of the baby when im home cause dh says its his time off. I just wanna know...when do i get time off??? Of course i love taking care of dd but sometimes i just want a freaking minute! And i get up with her at night and one morning i was sooo exhausted and it was like 9 but she had gotten up so much that night and everytime i got her fed her rocked her changed her. So its 9 in the morning i nudge dh who mind you has been sleeping soundly since 10pm the night before and ask him to get the baby. Fine he gets up. 5 minutes later she spit out her binky or something and starts fussing again. So i wait for dh to get up and get her and hes already halfway snoring. Shes crying by now and i said baby scarletts crying. And he says so. I said arent you gonna get her. He HUFFS throws the covers off and growls "i didnt know i had to get up all f***ing morning with her" and i about lost it and jumped up and said "nevermind dont worry about it. i wouldnt DREAM of asking you after i worked a 10 hour day and then got up with her 5 times last night! god forbid you take care of her for 30 minutes when im home so i can get some kind of rest" he just got mad and stomped out of the room. ugh stuff like that happens all the time and idk what to do. he says he shouldnt have to really watch her when im home cause he watches her all day. im seriously feeling so overwhelmed and he just doesnt get it when i try to talk to him.


Quoting pnut1211:

Our issues are the dishes and laundry.  My husband is a stay at home dad and I feel that he needs to do the dishes and laundry I should have to do any of it.  He thinks that since I only work 3-4 days (12 hr shifts) a week that I need to do chores on the days I dont work.  I have started just washing my clothes and I stopped cooking bc I dont have clean dishes.  I feed myself and my children and he is on his own. Same with his clothes he can do them himself when he runs out.  Its not the right way but that is how I handle it. 


He loves the video games too. And I just want to throw it up in the air and shoot it. lol


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B-FigNewton
by on Jan. 25, 2011 at 3:46 AM

All I ask my husband to do is take out the trash. That rarely happens. LOL

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