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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

He's treating our kids pretty badly. *little update*

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 I love my husband very much, but he's a horrible parent. Absolutely terrible. He yells and screams at them when they bother him, he sits on his laptop constantly when he's home, he's just mean. And he treats our oldest, Scarlett (who's 5), the worst. He's constantly mean to her, he hates spending time with her, and I just don't know what to do. We had a huge blow out fight this morning, and he's just not interested in changing. He doesn't see where he's wrong, he refuses to read books, he refuses counceling. He thinks that what he does is right, even when it's obviously not. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to be without him, but I can't let him keep treating the kids like shit. What do I do?

I also wanted to add this. This morning, he told me that because I let Scarlett come out of her room when she's ready to apologize for doing something wrong, that she's going to turn into a drug addict. And that because I don't force her to finish her food, when she's 16, she's going to stay out as late as she wants because she's not going to listen to me. I don't know how to argue with that because he's just so irrational.

*little update* The rest of yesterday went much better. I think he can now see where he was wrong, and he was really trying hard to fix it. I do want to say that he started a new job last week, and its put a lot of pressure on him. Its a very good job with a ton of responsibility, so he's been extra stressed. Thank you to everyone who gave me good advice!

by on Jan. 30, 2011 at 8:41 AM
Replies (21-28):
AJthercknmom
by on Jan. 31, 2011 at 2:22 AM

My kids are my life, if my DH tried this, he would be out on his ass until he decided he wanted help. No sir..  Now, my daughter does not leave the dinner table until all her food is gone. If she sits there crying til bed time, she goes to bed, and eats the food for breakfast. As well as no TV that morning.

AJthercknmom
by on Jan. 31, 2011 at 2:23 AM

I think he may need a wake up call is my point. Some kind of shock to his system to make him see what he's doing

pnuts_mom51706
by on Jan. 31, 2011 at 8:27 AM

NO she is not going to end up a drug addict at 16 just because she didnt eat her dinner at 5,she will end up in the wrong if HER DADDY does not spend time with her and love her.

adfsanchez
by on Jan. 31, 2011 at 9:21 AM

Perhaps professional counseling might help

etexmom
by on Jan. 31, 2011 at 9:45 AM

 Best wishes!  Great is a man who can see the error of his ways and make a change for the betterment of his family & himself!

SandraRh
by on Jan. 31, 2011 at 12:04 PM

 my personal suggestion is to video tape him some time.  if you don't have a recorder borrow one or see if they have one for rent or something.

Just set it up some where that he can't see and start it up.  If he hasn't done anything rewind the tape and start it over again. 

There is NOTHING more harsh than seeing yourself on video being a total ass and you can't say well it didn't happen that way because well...IT DID and there is the video that shows what happened! 

Anyways that is what I would do.  It would be a slap in the face to him.  A harsh reality that will hopefully show him what he's doing to his family. 

But if he keeps doing this then you need to protect your kids.  You will have to make the decision to leave.  It would be wrong to continue to let him treat the children in such a way.  We all know that we can make mistakes but a mistake is one thing...doing it all the time is totally different.

also I would personally recommend getting numerous video of him on many different days acting ugly.  To make sure he realizes that this is not an every now and then problem.

countrygirlkat
by on Jan. 31, 2011 at 12:12 PM

 If he started a new stressful job my other advice would be to have a space where he can go when he comes home to unwind in.  Your bedroom, an office, somewhere where he will not have to interact with you or the kids for the first like 45 minutes he is home.  He can do whatever he needs to unwind some and then when he comes out he may be more able to interact happily with everyone.  It can be overwhelming for a parent to come home from a stressful day at work and right away be bombarded by the kids and their spouse needing attention from them. 

rockinmomto2
by on Jan. 31, 2011 at 12:35 PM

 I try to get the kids to give him space, but it's hard. They're VERY persistant, and they really miss him when he's home. I did ask him to think about what I can do to help him when he comes home, so he's supposed to think about it today.

Quoting countrygirlkat:

 If he started a new stressful job my other advice would be to have a space where he can go when he comes home to unwind in.  Your bedroom, an office, somewhere where he will not have to interact with you or the kids for the first like 45 minutes he is home.  He can do whatever he needs to unwind some and then when he comes out he may be more able to interact happily with everyone.  It can be overwhelming for a parent to come home from a stressful day at work and right away be bombarded by the kids and their spouse needing attention from them. 

 

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