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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I am stuck in a rut and I don't know what to do?!?!?!

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2011 at 12:19 AM
  • 22 Replies

Today I found an email from DH to his ex-girlfriend and not just any ex-girlfriend, the one he left to be with me. 

Background: Ok we met in college and one day after class we had together he walked me to my dorm and he asked me out and I said yes. A week later I find out he was dating this girl but she lived an hour away where he was staying so i confronted him about. He told her in front of me that it was over. 

Forward to pregnancy with first DS: He left me when I was 5 mo pregnant with our son and moved back up where he was staying and he was "dating her". The day of my baby shower be package his sh*t and moved down with me and told be he didn't want anything to do with her. ( they never had sex)

Forward to pregnancy with twins: By this time we were well married and when I was 6 mo pregnant I found out he was sending her emails saying how he missed her. I moved in with my mom and took out son with me. He appolized and said he never intended to go see her and she meant sh*t to him. (she was still an hour away and had a Bfriend already)

Now: She was seeing a guy and now she had a baby girl by him. Apperantly he was abusive and she is single now. Today I found an email telling her how he wanted to see her and that.........(here is where I am hurt)...........he loved her. 


I know he hasn't seen her in three year ( our three yr ann is this feb) and I know he would never leave me and he loves me but I am still really hurt by this! I love him more then anything and I just want to know why he is telling her this. I was where he then told her he didn't want anything to go with her but how can something like "i love you" just slip?  I guess I just needed to vent. I have alot to think about in this marriage and I don't even know where to begin. He already gave me his passwords and phone to go through but I don't think its going to do any good. I didn't ask for them he just gave them to me to "assure" me. 


What do you ladies think of my situation? What would you all do? 

by on Jan. 31, 2011 at 12:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mtsmom1986
by on Jan. 31, 2011 at 12:23 AM
Well either you two need to figure out if you're what each other really want or you need to call it quits. Or, there's the third idea, where you just turn a blind eye... it sucks, but that's what happens in some cases.
It really all boils down to whatever the two of you want.
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mamatiger18
by on Jan. 31, 2011 at 12:26 AM

It makes me so mad, he tells me what he want a million times but doesn't really follow through completely. I am thinking of finding a marriage counselor though a church or something. 

Quoting mtsmom1986:

Well either you two need to figure out if you're what each other really want or you need to call it quits. Or, there's the third idea, where you just turn a blind eye... it sucks, but that's what happens in some cases.
It really all boils down to whatever the two of you want.


MommyHurt
by on Jan. 31, 2011 at 12:27 AM
i'm sorry but if dh said that to an ex i'd be gone...he's left you before and obviously keeps going to her for SOMETHING
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mtsmom1986
by on Jan. 31, 2011 at 12:29 AM
I'm not a huge counseling fan... Been there, tried it, didn't work. But that's just me. Maybe you just need to get out on your own for a bit and let him get his s**t straight

Quoting mamatiger18:

It makes me so mad, he tells me what he want a million times but doesn't really follow through completely. I am thinking of finding a marriage counselor though a church or something. 


Quoting mtsmom1986:

Well either you two need to figure out if you're what each other really want or you need to call it quits. Or, there's the third idea, where you just turn a blind eye... it sucks, but that's what happens in some cases.

It really all boils down to whatever the two of you want.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mamatiger18
by on Jan. 31, 2011 at 12:34 AM
when he left he called everyday and video chatted with me evry night. He even visisted me quite a few times too living an hour away. i dont know why her he has other exes he doesnt do this too. Just this one but its like a once a year thing


Quoting MommyHurt:

i'm sorry but if dh said that to an ex i'd be gone...he's left you before and obviously keeps going to her for SOMETHING

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mamatiger18
by on Jan. 31, 2011 at 12:35 AM
yeah problebly. He is a great father and besides this BS can be a great husband too.


Quoting mtsmom1986:

I'm not a huge counseling fan... Been there, tried it, didn't work. But that's just me. Maybe you just need to get out on your own for a bit and let him get his s**t straight



Quoting mamatiger18:

It makes me so mad, he tells me what he want a million times but doesn't really follow through completely. I am thinking of finding a marriage counselor though a church or something. 



Quoting mtsmom1986:

Well either you two need to figure out if you're what each other really want or you need to call it quits. Or, there's the third idea, where you just turn a blind eye... it sucks, but that's what happens in some cases.


It really all boils down to whatever the two of you want.




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
carinyosa99
by on Jan. 31, 2011 at 12:38 AM

I would definitely get some counseling if I were you - it does work (at least it did for us and this was after my husband had told me he had cheated on me).  I wouldn't say that, based on what you posted, that your husband wouldn't leave you.  He seems to not know what he wants.  And that's where a neutral party would help.

mtsmom1986
by on Jan. 31, 2011 at 12:38 AM
I know the feeling... Best thing I can suggest is just focus on the kids, the rest will balance out one way or another

Quoting mamatiger18:

yeah problebly. He is a great father and besides this BS can be a great husband too.




Quoting mtsmom1986:

I'm not a huge counseling fan... Been there, tried it, didn't work. But that's just me. Maybe you just need to get out on your own for a bit and let him get his s**t straight





Quoting mamatiger18:

It makes me so mad, he tells me what he want a million times but doesn't really follow through completely. I am thinking of finding a marriage counselor though a church or something. 




Quoting mtsmom1986:

Well either you two need to figure out if you're what each other really want or you need to call it quits. Or, there's the third idea, where you just turn a blind eye... it sucks, but that's what happens in some cases.



It really all boils down to whatever the two of you want.





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newbiemomma2b
by on Jan. 31, 2011 at 12:41 AM

 Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. NOT ok!!!! If you really want it to work, I would def do counseling... but you both have to be on board and 100% commited for it to work. If he always has 1 foot out the door then this will continue to happen. If you want it bad enough... then fight for it with all you have, but know it's going to be a long road that you both need to work at! I hope everything works out for you!

ChrissyReznor
by on Jan. 31, 2011 at 1:05 AM
He needs to sever all ties with her.no calls,no email,no nothing,FOREVER.I think it is the lowest thing for a man to leave u while u are pregnant with his child. What I'm wondering is what your breaking point with him is.
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