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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Need advice.. He's so selfish!

Posted by on Feb. 2, 2011 at 4:08 PM
  • 41 Replies

I've been so frustrated and unhappy.. I just don't know what to do anymore...

I'm engaged and we are living together... I do so much.. I go to work, cook, clean, provide everything.. I give him massages - I will do this for hours and have never ever complained.. I cater to him and meet every need.. I try to do everything to make him happy...

but... I just hate the way he treats me.. I'm not happy.. He doesn't work.. keeps telling me that he's looking for work... but he sits around all day long and either plays on his Ipod or watches tv.. He doesn't help with anything.. not even taking the trash out..

He can't even do simple things to even try to make me happy.. For one, I am very romantinc and love everything that goes with that.. love affection.. I do love having sex with my man.. but he acts like it is such a huge hassle.. he would rather me give him a bj then for him to actually have sex with me... then when I bring anything up, he says stuff like thats all I want, thats all I think about..

he wakes me up in the middle of the night.. I didn't get much sleep that night as it is from working late.. then I have to get up at 6am and start my day again.. so he wakes me up in the middle of the night and tells me he wants a bj.. I am a really nice woman.. Here I'm thinking that he wants me, and thinking he is going to be intimate with me.. I tell him to give me a few minutes to wake up..
He gets his coat on I ask him what he's doing and he said going to smoke.. I'm said ok you go smoke and give me a chance to wake up...

when he comes back I'm awake and ready.. He's like.. never mind I just jacked off in the bathroom.. I was so so pissed off.. It's like damn man! He never ever thinks about me or my feelings...

I feel like If I'm doing all this... He is treated like a king, I should at least be happy.. I have to beg for his attention.. beg for his love... I hate it!

I feel like I'm not good enough for him.. cause when I bring things up that upset me, he either twists it around and then he's mad and it's my fault, or he threatens to leave me.. or says he just might have to find another woman who would treat him better..

I don't know what to do... I feel like I'm a door mat and he's just walklng all over me..

I cry all the time and I feel like I should be happy... He tells me that he does put my feelings above his, but I'm just not seeing it..
He says I'm just doing all this stuff and being good to him because I want something out of the deal.. All I want is to just feel loved, wanted and appreciated.. Is there anything wrong with that??

Do you have any advise???

I'm at my wits end and don't know wht to do anymore.. I don't know if there is anything I can do or say to get him to change, because I do love him..

He use to be really sweet and nice... but the past few months he has not...

Thank you for any help or advice

~Toni~

by on Feb. 2, 2011 at 4:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Lanie_momofone
by on Feb. 2, 2011 at 4:14 PM

 Oh hun, i personally would leave his ass!...you certainly dont deserve to be treated that way at all....he sounds very selfish , and it sounds like he isnt going to change anytime soon.

If my man ever told me that he would go out and find someone else, that would be my que to pack his shit and kick him out the damn door.

mom_of_one_2010
by Bronze Member on Feb. 2, 2011 at 4:15 PM
I know you may not wanna hear this, no im not bashing you, tell him if he dont change your leaving, if he dont believe you pack a few things go stay with fam or at a hotel and see what he does. Good luck
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JaivonsMommy
by on Feb. 2, 2011 at 4:17 PM
I agree. You don't deserve this.


Quoting Lanie_momofone:

 Oh hun, i personally would leave his ass!...you certainly dont deserve to be treated that way at all....he sounds very selfish , and it sounds like he isnt going to change anytime soon.


If my man ever told me that he would go out and find someone else, that would be my que to pack his shit and kick him out the damn door.


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A.Perry
by on Feb. 2, 2011 at 4:19 PM

Honey, I really  think you should leave, attitudes don't get better after marrige.

ShannaBee
by Platinum Member on Feb. 2, 2011 at 4:38 PM
He needs a good talking to and a major attitude overhaul. Quit doing all the nice little things he is taking for granted until he can appreciate your tokens of affection. Make him woo you, he should be the one treating you like a princess and taking care of you. You say you love him and I hope things get better for you. Good luck.
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Mrs.SarahM
by on Feb. 2, 2011 at 5:10 PM

LEAVE him. He's not worth your effort. You deserve the WORLD for taking care of him like that!

LoveMYtwo3582
by on Feb. 2, 2011 at 5:13 PM
This.....and a big ol' "Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!"


Quoting Lanie_momofone:

 Oh hun, i personally would leave his ass!...you certainly dont deserve to be treated that way at all....he sounds very selfish , and it sounds like he isnt going to change anytime soon.


If my man ever told me that he would go out and find someone else, that would be my que to pack his shit and kick him out the damn door.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
SareyF
by Sarah on Feb. 2, 2011 at 5:14 PM
Not to be mean, but why are you going to marry that boy? He is taking advantage of you, neglecting you, basically walking all over you and you're letting him. He wants to make threats, say fine. Let him walk out the door and try to find a woman who would treat him better. I bet he doesn't find happiness. But you very well could!!
Most of the time people dont change. You can give him an ultimatum if you think he's worth another shot but dont set your heart on him being better to you because if not right away, you're likely to be disappointed in the near future.
Sorry hon. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. I've had my fair share of guys like that.
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SareyF
by Sarah on Feb. 2, 2011 at 5:20 PM
Oh and you are a saint for taking care of him the way you do while he is the way he is. Trust me, you can find MUCH better.
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suziq1982
by on Feb. 2, 2011 at 5:23 PM

He sounds very lazy and selfish.  You do deserve to be happy and you can find it without him. The next time he says I may have to find someone who treats me better tell him go ahead sounds like he has it pretty perfect to me. Also do you know that hes not already seeing anyone else behind your back? The way he treats you sounds like he doesn't have any respect for you or your feelings. I would put my foot down and discuss things with him as a final if things don't change he needs to get lost and let him know it. Make sure you don't start with with the sex complaint first so he cant say its all you care about again. Quit giving him bjs and quit doing everything for him. Make him earn you. You are worth that.

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