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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Hard time giving affection?

Posted by on Feb. 3, 2011 at 3:05 PM
  • 13 Replies

My Dh has a hard time showing affection. It was really bothering me so I talked to him the other night. I told him that it made me feel sad that he couldn't even take a second out of his day to give me a hug or a kiss. If I'm not seeking out attention, I don't get it. And the CRAZY thing is, I am one of those girls that don't even need a lot of attention. Just a little bit here and there would be great. I was starting to feel like he wasn't in love with me anymore, that he didn't feel that romantic pull towards me.... you know... pretty much the whole pity me thing. Well he listened very intently and actually seemed surprised that I was feeling this way. He said he loved me very much and that the last thing he ever wanted was to make me feel like he didn't. He said he just gets so caught up in the day to day duties that he has that he forgets to make time for me. He promised to work on it, so that's good. It really meant a lot to me that he took my feelings seriously because I was afraid I was being a nutcase, lol. Do any of you have husbands that aren't so great with the affectionate side of marriage?

by on Feb. 3, 2011 at 3:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Mommy_Burge
by on Feb. 3, 2011 at 3:10 PM

 Actually....it's the other way around in my marriage.

i get so caught up with DS and the house that I just forget to make time for DH. And it really gets to him. I feel awful....and then i try to do better and be more affectionate but it's a really hard thing to do...and it shouldn't be. Stress plays a big role in it. SO I can understand how your husband feels.

I dont really know how it feels to be on your end of things and be the one not getting the attention...but i guess....my advice would be to try not and take it to personally. we dont NOT give attention because we aren't in love anymore. it just becomes habit for us to be so busy with other things and have thoughts racing that the whole affection thing goes out the door.

i wish my husband could understand this. he just thinks i'm being a bitch....but i'm really not. give your husband props for when he does try and make the effort and dont be upset when/if he starts to slack in that area again....once the thought of affection gets buried...it's really hard to make it a habit again.

i hoep this helped...i know it's from the other end...from your husbands prospective maybe but i'm hoping that hearing it form the other side...from a womans view as well....might help.

princesskelcie2
by on Feb. 3, 2011 at 3:13 PM

My hubby is affectionate when he wants to be. Me on the other hand I'm not as affectionate as I should be. It's not that I don't love my hubby but sometimes he doesn't exactly treat me the way that I should be treated and that's why I'm not as affectionate towards him sometimes because he can be a real a**hole. There have been times where he has been so mean to me I've been in tears. My family members aren't too happy with him and I have a few friends who have said to me why don't you leave him. Just the other day my friend chatted on facebook with me and she asked my why do you stay. To tell you the truth I don't really know why I stay with him for the way he treats me sometimes.

MamaHens3
by on Feb. 3, 2011 at 3:15 PM

I'm not married anymore, but am with someone who is like this. He cares, and loves me very much. He shows his affection, but its not as often as I'd like sometimes. When he holds me like sitting on a couch by me, he touches my leg or something that he shows me affection. I am the one getting the kisses from him, but it's not like he isn't wanting to kiss me. He isn't physically affectionate. When we first went on a date, he held me at the movies and when we walked the mall. I hung all over him, held on to his waist when we walked and just on him like white on rice touchy. He told me later that he hardly likes people touching him, or wants it but he truly didn't care when I did it with him. I felt so flattered, I was able to get a guy who didn't touch to like it and it was just me sounds like. He was married before, and he didn't like his ex touching him truly half the time. 

ShannaBee
by Platinum Member on Feb. 3, 2011 at 3:53 PM
My DH isn't all that affectionate. He was during our first year but it waned off. I know he just doesn't think about it.
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jenelle79
by on Feb. 3, 2011 at 4:44 PM

My husband is excellent at it, but I do remember a time when he wasn't so good at it...and I too had to talk to him from my heart to tell him how I felt.  He made a promise that he would try, and he did!  :-)

mrs.pyle
by on Feb. 3, 2011 at 6:58 PM

im lucky my husband is more on the affectionate side. i suggest you showing him affection, show him what you want so he can know and repeat it. or, if all else fails walk by him with a thong and heels on :)

Mrs.SarahM
by on Feb. 3, 2011 at 7:25 PM

My husband isnt affectionate at all. He just doesnt think about it. We never have sex hardly, he almost never kisses or hugs me at all. Sometimes I wonder why.. but when I talk to him, he just says its cause he's stressed or whatever. Its SO annoying

PhotoMama88
by on Feb. 3, 2011 at 7:28 PM

Mine is very affectionate, and sometimes TOO much lol Now I feel bad that it can be a bit overwhelming. He is always hugging me and stroking me which I like but alot of times Im trying to cook or clean or get ready for work......

Embers88
by on Feb. 4, 2011 at 12:01 AM

yeah that helps, thanks.

Quoting Mommy_Burge:

 Actually....it's the other way around in my marriage.

i get so caught up with DS and the house that I just forget to make time for DH. And it really gets to him. I feel awful....and then i try to do better and be more affectionate but it's a really hard thing to do...and it shouldn't be. Stress plays a big role in it. SO I can understand how your husband feels.

I dont really know how it feels to be on your end of things and be the one not getting the attention...but i guess....my advice would be to try not and take it to personally. we dont NOT give attention because we aren't in love anymore. it just becomes habit for us to be so busy with other things and have thoughts racing that the whole affection thing goes out the door.

i wish my husband could understand this. he just thinks i'm being a bitch....but i'm really not. give your husband props for when he does try and make the effort and dont be upset when/if he starts to slack in that area again....once the thought of affection gets buried...it's really hard to make it a habit again.

i hoep this helped...i know it's from the other end...from your husbands prospective maybe but i'm hoping that hearing it form the other side...from a womans view as well....might help.


Embers88
by on Feb. 4, 2011 at 12:02 AM

:( I'm so sorry. My Dh definitely lacks in the affection department but he isn't ever down right mean to me... I really hope your Dh gets a wake up call one of these days.

Quoting princesskelcie2:

My hubby is affectionate when he wants to be. Me on the other hand I'm not as affectionate as I should be. It's not that I don't love my hubby but sometimes he doesn't exactly treat me the way that I should be treated and that's why I'm not as affectionate towards him sometimes because he can be a real a**hole. There have been times where he has been so mean to me I've been in tears. My family members aren't too happy with him and I have a few friends who have said to me why don't you leave him. Just the other day my friend chatted on facebook with me and she asked my why do you stay. To tell you the truth I don't really know why I stay with him for the way he treats me sometimes.


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