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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Hard time giving affection?

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My Dh has a hard time showing affection. It was really bothering me so I talked to him the other night. I told him that it made me feel sad that he couldn't even take a second out of his day to give me a hug or a kiss. If I'm not seeking out attention, I don't get it. And the CRAZY thing is, I am one of those girls that don't even need a lot of attention. Just a little bit here and there would be great. I was starting to feel like he wasn't in love with me anymore, that he didn't feel that romantic pull towards me.... you know... pretty much the whole pity me thing. Well he listened very intently and actually seemed surprised that I was feeling this way. He said he loved me very much and that the last thing he ever wanted was to make me feel like he didn't. He said he just gets so caught up in the day to day duties that he has that he forgets to make time for me. He promised to work on it, so that's good. It really meant a lot to me that he took my feelings seriously because I was afraid I was being a nutcase, lol. Do any of you have husbands that aren't so great with the affectionate side of marriage?

by on Feb. 3, 2011 at 3:05 PM
Replies (11-13):
Mommy_Burge
by on Feb. 4, 2011 at 12:04 AM

 your welcome. :D

it's not too often that i stick up for a man lol....but your post just run a bell in my head....like...what you said is probably how my husband feels a lot of the time...and it's different coming from a stranger than from my husband...when he says it i just blow it off but hearing someone else say the same thing....kinda stikes a chord. kwim?

Quoting Embers88:

yeah that helps, thanks.

Quoting Mommy_Burge:

 Actually....it's the other way around in my marriage.

i get so caught up with DS and the house that I just forget to make time for DH. And it really gets to him. I feel awful....and then i try to do better and be more affectionate but it's a really hard thing to do...and it shouldn't be. Stress plays a big role in it. SO I can understand how your husband feels.

I dont really know how it feels to be on your end of things and be the one not getting the attention...but i guess....my advice would be to try not and take it to personally. we dont NOT give attention because we aren't in love anymore. it just becomes habit for us to be so busy with other things and have thoughts racing that the whole affection thing goes out the door.

i wish my husband could understand this. he just thinks i'm being a bitch....but i'm really not. give your husband props for when he does try and make the effort and dont be upset when/if he starts to slack in that area again....once the thought of affection gets buried...it's really hard to make it a habit again.

i hoep this helped...i know it's from the other end...from your husbands prospective maybe but i'm hoping that hearing it form the other side...from a womans view as well....might help.


 

princesskelcie2
by on Feb. 4, 2011 at 5:16 PM

Thanks Ember. There's been times where he's been so mean to me that I've been in tears. Just cause of the things he says to me. One time I literally called a friend after he was mean to me and I was in tears because he really hurt my feelings and then not once did he apologize or anything like that. I hope my DH gets a wakeup call one of these days too or else it's gonna be bye bye to him.

Quoting Embers88:

:( I'm so sorry. My Dh definitely lacks in the affection department but he isn't ever down right mean to me... I really hope your Dh gets a wake up call one of these days.

Quoting princesskelcie2:

My hubby is affectionate when he wants to be. Me on the other hand I'm not as affectionate as I should be. It's not that I don't love my hubby but sometimes he doesn't exactly treat me the way that I should be treated and that's why I'm not as affectionate towards him sometimes because he can be a real a**hole. There have been times where he has been so mean to me I've been in tears. My family members aren't too happy with him and I have a few friends who have said to me why don't you leave him. Just the other day my friend chatted on facebook with me and she asked my why do you stay. To tell you the truth I don't really know why I stay with him for the way he treats me sometimes.



crystaldinae
by on Feb. 4, 2011 at 5:26 PM

both DH and I are guilty of this

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