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Posted by on Feb. 5, 2011 at 11:33 PM
  • 29 Replies

I haven't been married for a year yet but this seems to be the only issue that we're having trouble discussing. I stay at home now since the birth of our daughter which means I rely on him for money. We finally opened a joint account but he doesn't seem to add $ to it so now I'm back to asking him for money when I need it. This makes me feel like a daughter asking her father for money instead of  my husband "giving" it to me. Let me just clarify I'm not a shopper or big spender I'm very cautious.

Does anyone else have this problem or had it? What did you do? What should I say? I feel like he thinks I'm nagging him if I bring it up..

by on Feb. 5, 2011 at 11:33 PM
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by on Feb. 5, 2011 at 11:35 PM

Sorry, I'm not much help. My husband had my name added onto his checking account when we got engaged. It would definitely make me feel that I was indebted to my husband if I didn't have access to money without asking him.

Maybe you could work out a budget where you both get a certain amount of "pocket money" each week? Then you wouldn't have to ask for money each time you need it.

by Silver Member on Feb. 5, 2011 at 11:36 PM

lmao.. I got a job and made my own money..

by on Feb. 5, 2011 at 11:39 PM

Nope because my Dh gets his check cashes it and then hands it right to me so I can take care of bills and whatever else we need.

by on Feb. 5, 2011 at 11:42 PM

I've always worked until now and we always had seperate accounts...I definetly feel indebted to him and it's not right.

I think I will bring up the "allowance" each week.

I should be taking care of the bills but that's even an issue b/c we don't have most of our bills together...

by on Feb. 5, 2011 at 11:53 PM
Sry I'm no help either me and DH have both our checks go into a joint account and we both take what we need after bills are paid. My only suggestion is talk to him he is ur other half u shouldn't feel indebted to him u should be equals. I like the idea a pp said about "pocket money". If that doesn't work I would tell him I was going back to work and he can pay for half the daycare expenses too so u have a little money maybe that will open his eyes.
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by on Feb. 6, 2011 at 12:38 AM

When I wasn't working DH would give me a share, what I did with it was completely up to me... Another suggestion for you to consider is that you handle the money and budget. I'm one of those persons that feels that money should not cause problems, specially in a marriage. If your DH is handling all the bills responsibly and you and your new baby have what you need... what do you want your own money for??? I say this a complete rhetorical question, just some food for thought.

by on Feb. 6, 2011 at 12:38 AM

Quoting steffielou_who:

lmao.. I got a job and made my own money..

way to go

by on Feb. 6, 2011 at 12:46 AM

 We had these same kinds of issues....DH would never put money into our joint account and I would constantly have to ask for money for grocery shopping, etc.

But we eventually hashed it out, talked about it, and came up with a good system.

We have a joint account we share with one bank. He also has a seperate account with the same bank. Then he has another account with another bank. (we are in the process of switching banks)

All of our money goes directly into our joint account. from the joint account we divide the money up. my spending money stays in our joint account....his spending money goes into his other banks account....and then all of our bill money goes into the single account he has with the same bank our joint account is through (hope that wasn't too confusing...i dont like to give out my banks names)

it works really well this way. plus paying all our bills through one account lets our bank statement basically be a payment history....

sorry...i got a little OT there....whoops....

my point is/was that we had some of the same issues and we just talked through them. i told DH that i'm his wife and although he is the sole provider that he needed to give me AT LEAST and allowance in my account that way i could get groceries and diapers and things like may seem naggy...but your DH needs to do something about this....i dont believe you should have to ASK for money....unless you have a shopping habit...which i believe you said you didn't. lol

by on Feb. 6, 2011 at 1:50 AM

If i were you id actually simply sit down and TALK about it. 

If he still doesnt then Id ensure that he at least puts 50% of his income into an account for the baby in the event that you needed to get something for the baby and then id get a part time job and have money for yourself.

by on Feb. 6, 2011 at 2:16 AM

DH and i jest got a joint account so I'm not sure how its going to work out! but i just tell him what we need and what needs to be payed and he goes along with it!

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