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I haven't been married for a year yet but this seems to be the only issue that we're having trouble discussing. I stay at home now since the birth of our daughter which means I rely on him for money. We finally opened a joint account but he doesn't seem to add $ to it so now I'm back to asking him for money when I need it. This makes me feel like a daughter asking her father for money instead of  my husband "giving" it to me. Let me just clarify I'm not a shopper or big spender I'm very cautious.

Does anyone else have this problem or had it? What did you do? What should I say? I feel like he thinks I'm nagging him if I bring it up..

by on Feb. 5, 2011 at 11:33 PM
Replies (21-29):
kathy067j
by on Feb. 6, 2011 at 7:39 PM

 

Quoting steffielou_who:

lmao.. I got a job and made my own money..

 

semill78
by on Feb. 6, 2011 at 9:27 PM

I am a SAHM and I have never had this problem with my husband. We have a joint account that his check is automatically deposited it. Every pay period we sit down and go over the bills. Then I pay all of the bills online, withdraw any cash needed for groceries, gas, etc... and make transfers to savings if necessary. He gets a weekly allowance. This works fine with us. If I need money I let him know and vice versa, but we aren't really asking the other person for money, just letting them know so we are on the same page with our finances at all times. Helps us stay in balance.

KariOsburn
by on Feb. 7, 2011 at 8:30 AM

I tried to talk about it this weekend but it didn't go over so well...

He doesn't have his check direct deposited and so he said he hasn't gone to the bank. I offered to pay the bills but he didn't say anything when I offered. 

I guess some people are attached to their money. I've never been I guess b/c I know how to budget and always had it.

I need the $ incase of an emeregency and for practical stuff like groceries, gas, baby supplies...he's not always around.

I would get a job but it's not practical to pay for childcare right now. She's too young and I don't want to go back to work yet. Plus she's my first so having a stranger watch her is out of the question lol.

LisaGrehn
by on Feb. 7, 2011 at 9:00 AM

You are married now and the two of you need to open up a joint acct and close the other accts.  I would ask him what he is hiding, he cant leave you penniless...if he truly is the provider then he will realize that he needs to provide for you in every way, by keeping you out of the loop is only going to cause problems and distrust in the future, nip it in the BUTT now rather then in divorce court later.

Quoting KariOsburn:

I tried to talk about it this weekend but it didn't go over so well...

He doesn't have his check direct deposited and so he said he hasn't gone to the bank. I offered to pay the bills but he didn't say anything when I offered. 

I guess some people are attached to their money. I've never been I guess b/c I know how to budget and always had it.

I need the $ incase of an emeregency and for practical stuff like groceries, gas, baby supplies...he's not always around.

I would get a job but it's not practical to pay for childcare right now. She's too young and I don't want to go back to work yet. Plus she's my first so having a stranger watch her is out of the question lol.


-LovingMamma-
by on Feb. 7, 2011 at 9:24 AM
My husband deals with all the finances. What works for us is that i basicaly get an allowance- a budgeted amount i can spend,for what i need then if i need something else i have to ask. I actualy love having it this way not having to stress about the money is so nice. I would talk to him about either having him add you to his acount or start puting the money in the joint one because if anything happened to him that could cause a lot of issues and added stress. Hopefully thats never an issue but its best to be prepared
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LoveMYtwo3582
by on Feb. 7, 2011 at 9:30 AM

I do have this same problem....and I honestly think it's me that really has the issue, not really him.  He works a lot and makes good money, but I have supported myself since I was 15 (financially, still lived with my parents till 20), and for me I just feel like I did not earn it, and always have to ask to use it, and do not feel like it is our money....even after 8 years of marriage and being a SAHM for 5 years of it.  So for me it is mostly my issue, he says its our money and to use it when I want.  When I do I feel like he is always complaining about it though, and I guess that's why I feel the way I do, and am so reluctant....so I know this is not advice, but I wanted to let you know you are not the only one who feels this way.

BrookieCookie1
by on Feb. 7, 2011 at 9:33 AM

 I had a *First husband that would make me beg for five bucks, and refuse me. I had to steal tylenol for my teething baby. Now he's in prison, I'm remarried to a wonderful man who is raising my son as his own.

My take on it is that it is a red flag. SOmetimes it's due to control issues, sometimes they are being sneaky, but unless he just came from a family with a strong "what's mine is mine and yours yours" dynamic, I would be a little leery and maybe look for others ways to make some money. You'll make a few bucks, and he'll get to appreciate what you do everyday while he's at work when it's his turn to stay home

kaitybird
by on Feb. 7, 2011 at 4:12 PM

I think personally it is something you really need to sit down and talk about.  Whether you have a PAYING JOB or not you are holding down a lot more than he is at the moment.  You didn't specify who pays the bills and what not.  

Marriage is a joint effort.  I have been where you are at and regardless it isn't right.  Money is a big "Marriage" breaker.  My ex use to take off/ put on my name on the checking account at every fight and make-up session.  I even worked at the time, so my money was never my money.  

I hope that you are able to sit down with your hubby and talk WITH him about this...Good Luck....

 

 

nattysmommie
by on Feb. 7, 2011 at 4:21 PM
i had this prob he wouldnt let me pay bills or wouldnt give me enough to do so. He would say he was gonna do it then we would get a delinqeunt bill. I told him either give me money for it or do what you say. Then we started getting to the point where it was either pay bills or eat. We fought over that. He even threatened to leave bc of it...pretty much kick me out and make me provide for myself. We talked about it and now we save more so we arent short. He makes sure when i have to pay bills to give me enough money at least. And then if there is extra keep it to myself until i need it later. I would just tell him youre reasons and work on it toggether
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