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we need help..

Posted by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:21 AM
  • 63 Replies
Hello, I was wondering if any of you ladies have any advice on how to communicate better and how to handle trust issues? Dh and I have been married almost 3 years and we've been having some problems the past few months we are horrible at communicating and constantly fight over the same things over and over and I'm not sure what to do. He refuses to go to counseling so that's not an option. Do you have any tips or things we can try to get to a better place in our relationship?
Any help will be appreciated, thank you in advance.
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by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mommy2layla09
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:33 AM
I guess I should explain a little more. We fight a lot about money and him drinking. He's been drinking a lot and got a DWI friday night because of it. Since then things have been very tense and it escalated pretty fast. He ended up leaving and I berly talking to me. We have a 19 month old daughter so I don't want to just throw everything away but I'm so tiered of getting promises that never get kept. I feel like were not in love anymore and neither of us are happy. And with him refusing to go to counseling I'm at a loss as to what we can do. Cuz at this point I'm really considering throwing in the towel, I can't handle this anymore.
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4_28_bbboy
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:41 AM

only thing I can say is...there is not a lot you can do when the other part of the relationship refuses to admit there is a problem...until then you can talk until you are blue in the face and you will still get no where...you need to just move forward and care for you and your child and he will eventually figure out where he stands...

4_28_bbboy
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:43 AM

PS: if my DH got a DWI he wouldnt have to leave he would be forced to leave I will not allow that type of disrespect around our children...he would also have to go through a lot of hoops before I would allow him and his drinking behavior back in the home. Just my opinion however

ballerina.2006
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:44 AM
You can try the Love Dare. I thought it was BS at first, until I needed it! It has helped soooo much!

Each of you need to write down what the *biggest* complaints of the spouse is and you need to discuss them and come to a compromise. Knowing what irritates your spouse and what you need to work on is a real eye opener! PM me if you want/need to talk more! Dh and I are finally on the up an up after 5 years of hiding emotions and not dealing with our differences properly.
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Brittany.Dann
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:49 AM

 Maybe see a marriage counselor to get some insight from outside the box. It helped my husband and I.

mommy2layla09
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:55 AM
He won't go to a counselor.

Quoting Brittany.Dann:

 Maybe see a marriage counselor to get some insight from outside the box. It helped my husband and I.

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mommy2layla09
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:57 AM
Thanks I may try that if we can manage to talk with out fighting..

Quoting ballerina.2006:

You can try the Love Dare. I thought it was BS at first, until I needed it! It has helped soooo much!



Each of you need to write down what the *biggest* complaints of the spouse is and you need to discuss them and come to a compromise. Knowing what irritates your spouse and what you need to work on is a real eye opener! PM me if you want/need to talk more! Dh and I are finally on the up an up after 5 years of hiding emotions and not dealing with our differences properly.
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mommy2layla09
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:59 AM
Trust me it took everything I had to not throw him out right when he got out of jail.. Now I'm kind of wishing I had. I'm having so many mixed emotions right now I don't know what to do.

Quoting 4_28_bbboy:

PS: if my DH got a DWI he wouldnt have to leave he would be forced to leave I will not allow that type of disrespect around our children...he would also have to go through a lot of hoops before I would allow him and his drinking behavior back in the home. Just my opinion however

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baby2zacharias
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 3:11 AM
im sorry ur going through this. me and dh went through a period of time where all we did was fight. wed throw things, threaten to leave, etc. but in the end we got through it and were better then before because now were open. and it actually showed us we have more in common then we thought (like horrible tempers lol).

there was even an instance where he got arrested for something stupid and left me to deal with the drama, the court dates, the explanations to dd.. but the whole thing opened his eyes. if he has to go to court for any of this be by his side but let him know how it affects you so his guilt can eat him up. hes being irresponsible and needs to see that.

and i was always taught you cant change other people just yourself. if he refuses marriage counseling see your own therapist. you wouldnt believe how much this helped me. it gave me advice and peace of mind through the worst of things and showed dh i was serious about making it work. he started to want it to work too.

i dont think leaving him is the solution (marriage is forever) but i do have to say when i stayed at my moms house for a few days it changed everything once and for all. i told him if he can do better without me i would let him and i left. not even 2 days later he was calling almost in tears becuase he couldnt sleep let alone live without me by his side.

i hope something here helps you. but take divorce out of the equation no matter what. thats the only way to make it work. i hope he opens his eyes soon love : )
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JacquitaH
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 3:16 AM

Umm you need to leave with your child for a few days so he will understand that you mean business about communication and changing of that drinking he's doing.

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