Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

DH thinks I'm trying to hurt him

Posted by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:26 PM
  • 10 Replies

I'm going to bed before he gets home tonight (11 pm)I feel like it will be awkward when he gets here. We didnt have a 'fight' exactly, just a few texts and short phone call, but its left me with a negative feeling.

As most of you know (if you have read my posts) I'm in the process of working past my DH's (almost) one night stand 6 months ago.

Well today has been a hard day for me for many reasons. I took my 2 month old to the dr bc he cries NONSTOP and we decided to try a new reflux med. my two year old has acted up and thrown a fit all day long bc he broke his DVDs but doesnt understand why he cant watch them. so on days where i am already overwhelmed and feeling down, i will get upset again over what DH did in the past. i guess on days like today when i am already feeling weak, it gets to me easier. some days i will feel just fine (so yes i am making progress)

So when he called me from work and asked how i was doing i told him. told him about the boys and also said "I'm feeling a little sad over you tonight too". well he got mad and said "I'm getting off here then" and hung up on me. ok whatever. get mad at ME for feeling sad over something YOU did.

then he texted me this "I can never do enough to make you happy...I have been doing awesome for you with my job, figuring out bills, trying to get us a house, helping out more when i'm home, switching shifts at work so i can help you more, going to start paying your student loan after we get a house,. I love you so much . you just want to hurt me i think."

then i sent back "Yeahi know you are doing good things now and im glad. but nothing will take away what you did before and im still going to get sad about it sometimes and thats ok and normal, not me trying to hurt you. that doesnt even make sense. its only been 6 months, not long at all. im doing pretty good i think"

and we havent talked since then....ugh!! i think i want to go to bed before he gets home so i can just wake up tomorrow and it be a new day. i dont know how he expects me to just foget what he did bc he is being better NOW. which he is. he is really sorry and really doing everything he can to make everything great in the future, but im still not OVER it. he asked me right after it happened what i wanted, and the first thing i said was time. and when i decided to stay and work it out, i still told him i would need a lot of time and he would have to be patient with me.

by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:26 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Mommy102710
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:38 PM

I'm sorry momma....that totally stinx. He really does need to be more patient with you, he messed up and you agreed to give him another chance, it's only been 6 mths that's not long enough. My advice is stay up, talk with him when he gets home, be calm, no yelling, not getting upset, just "this is how I feel.....bla bla bla, say tomorrow will be a new day and I'll stary fresh and think positive again but I'm aloud to have bad days and be down about what happened. I want to be honest about how I feel that's all.' The thing I'm seeing with guys is that they just get over things and move on pretending that everything is fine, my husband does it all the time and we are seeing a therapist now because he doesn't know how to deal with things, feelings, confronatations, consequences, I really think it's a man thing.

ShannaBee
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:42 PM
He probably feels like he'll never live down the past and that it will always be thrown back in his face. Did you ever say if ya'll are in counceling or not?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Bits08
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:42 PM

*Hugs* to you.  It will take time to work through something like that.  Maybe your dh is frustrated that it is taking more time than he'd like, especially if hes doing better.  Dh and I have been there too, so I completely understand where you are coming from.  Good luck to you and your husband.

suziq1982
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:46 PM

What he did doesn't just go away and it will take time for you to get over. He has to allow you to hurt and he needs to continue to be sorry and continue to show you he has changed. He needs to continue to prove hes not going to hurt u again. Good Luck with it all and I hope that he proves to be the man that he promised you he would be.

.Sugaree.
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:51 PM
No we are not. I'm not sure if I want to. I feel like it might take me a few steps back. I've done good dealing with myself an moving to the point I'm at now. I'm afraid going would make me start all over again at the beginning and I dont want to brig it all up again that in-depth... I also dont gave much faith in counselors. I've seen them before (nothing to do with DH) and it was always a waste of time and I would always feel WORSE after I left, not better

Quoting ShannaBee:

He probably feels like he'll never live down the past and that it will always be thrown back in his face. Did you ever say if ya'll are in counceling or not?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jenniferleigh84
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:56 PM

I so understand what you are going threw, I have been there on every aspect of what you are telling us, This is all I can tell you, it does take time, time to trust and time to forget my hubby cheated on me more than once before we were married I found out about the last time one month before our wedding~ I went forth with our wedding and dont regret a second of it , it has since been four + years and I have to admit I still think of it from time to time! then I have to tell myself to stop, he has given me no reason since then to doubt him, so ....My advice to you is try not to fucus on the bad... try to focus on the good.... just as much as you want him to try to fix it you also have to show him you are trying on yourside too! if you ned anything feel free to message me!!! i understand where you are!

daydreaminmom
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:57 PM

Oh mama. He is just going to have to grow up and understand that HE screwed up and HE is going to have to kiss butt for a LONG time to make amends for it. If HE can't accept that then HE is going to have to move on. You did nothing wrong, you were honest, you were hurt, HE should NVR hang up on you for that!

carebearlady
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:59 PM

It's 6 months not 6 years.  It's still very fresh.  If he can't understand that then that is his problem not yours.  It sounds like he would just like to forget it and never talk about it again but that is not a good idea.  Maybe you could tell him if he lets your work through it in your own way and not get mad if you mention it (as long as it's not in front of the kids) that it will be healthier for both of you and won't be the elephant still in the room 6 years from now.  Tell him you don't need his permission to have a bad moment, bad day, bad feeling.  Take care of yourself first!  I'm one to talk but I've always been better at giving advice than following my own!  Message me if you'd ever like to talk with no judgement.  I don't get on here all that often and you don't know me but I know it can help sometimes just to have someone to talk to.

.Sugaree.
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 9:10 PM
Thanks for the support ladies! I live this group!!!!! Xoxoxoxox

He says that he Isnt mad at me and didn't hang up on me. I guess since he said "I'm getting off here" that doesn't count? Idk.

But we are going to have to talk about him not being in denial. Giving me moretime to heal and giving me SUPPORT instead of pretending it's all ok now
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
.Sugaree.
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 9:10 PM
*love
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)